Say funny phrases to a man. Cool phrases, funny sayings

As one humorist put it, you need to be able to laugh at yourself, and why not smile at the funny statements of other people. Laughter is important for human health and morale. It prolongs life, contributes to a positive perception of events, shows that you definitely shouldn’t lose heart in any situation. Let's dive into whole list funny sayings, which can be useful for vocabulary replenishment.

Sometimes one short sentence can cheer you up for the whole day. Most funny phrases A person often speaks without thinking. That's why they turn out to be unusually funny.

Here are ten phrases that can make you smile and make you think.

• The son of an avid poker player cannot understand whether his father loves him or not.
• A small group of smart climbers circled Mount Everest. - No wonder they say that the smart one does not go uphill.
• Recently, the wife said: “We are not so close that I weigh myself in front of you!”.
• Wisdom does not always come with age, sometimes old age comes alone.

• When a compliment does not please: “Honey, there is not a single woman better than you! Yesterday I was convinced of this again!
• The modern world: There is no story more tragic in the world than the one about the lost Internet.
• A little about education: a diploma allows you to make mistakes much more confidently.
• An optimist is sure that he lives in the best of all worlds. The pessimist is afraid that this is true. What does a realist do?

• Born yourself - help another. – A very effective motto of China.
• Don't be afraid to do what you don't know how to do. The main thing to remember is that the ark was built by an amateur, while professionals built the Titanic.

Funny phrases from movies

A great way to cheer up is to watch a good movie. Let's remember funny moments from Soviet and other films.

• Here I am walking beautifully along the street, and the men around me keep falling and falling ... And they themselves are stacked in piles! (The film "Girls").

• Champagne in the morning drink or aristocrats or degenerates! ("The Diamond Arm").
• If a woman asks for something, it must be given to her. Otherwise, she will take it herself. ("The Man from the Boulevard des Capucines").

• Make a mysterious face, fool! ("Dog's heart").
• Well, citizens are alcoholics, hooligans, parasites... Who wants to work today? ("Operation Y and other adventures of Shurik").

• I don't have time to care. You are attractive, I am damn attractive. What's the point of wasting time? I'm waiting at midnight. ("Ordinary Miracle").
• - How did you end up in the Spanish monastery?
  - I mistook it for a brothel. Easy to confuse. ("Pirates of the Caribbean").

• You dream of playing as a striker, but they use you like a ball. ("Taxi")
• - If I were your wife, I would also leave. - If you were my wife, I would hang myself! ("Ivan Vasilievich changes his profession").

• - Who writes? - Anonymous. - God gave me a name. ("Queen of the gas station").

Funny phrases to cheer you up

The main thing is to save positive attitude. Here are a few phrases that will come in handy at a time when the mood does not want to rise at all, people only upset, things fall, and the salary does not grow.

• A bit of philosophy: Attitude towards others strongly depends on why they surrounded you.
• We describe our condition correctly: Such a mood today is good, which cannot be said in a fairy tale or formulate obscenities.
• Who said that laziness cannot be combined with a rebellious spirit: I lie on the couch all day and nothing will stop me, because I have no brakes!

• Always go towards your dream. Tired of walking? Then crawl. No strength to crawl? Feel free to lie down and lie in the direction of the dream.
• Why do you think I'm vindictive? I have a very bad memory, I have to write everything down.
• There is an opinion that Orange color can improve mood. Tip: Scatter 5,000 dollar bills all over your house. Great mood guaranteed!
• Came to work in no mood. Ruined it to everyone. I sit and smile.

• When even a vacation in the garden is perceived with humor: And where I just didn’t go. I didn’t go to the Maldives, I didn’t go to Cyprus, I didn’t even go to Greece. I think where not to go this year.
• Everyone has a hobby. Someone collects stamps, someone models ships. My husband has been collecting wardrobes from Ikea for three years now.
• Even if I fall on my face in the mud, it will be curative.

Funny phrases for conversation

Let's replenish lexicon funny expressions.

• I wanted to leave, but then they poured again.“There is always a reason to stay.
• We don’t need someone else’s, but we will definitely take our own, no matter who it is.- How to put the interlocutor into a stupor.
• I would look at you for a century - through an optical sight. But sincerely and sincerely.
• I don't know how it should be, but you're doing it wrong. - A very important phrase.
• Being bitten by mosquitoes, he fell into the sin of foul language.- Witty explanation.
• I'm not a brake - I just think smoothly.- good excuse
• Why do I need a waist? I am married now.- Really.
• Tell me, will you help or not interfere?
• If your conscience torments you at night, try sleeping during the day.

Tackling girls funny phrases

• Girl help me. I bought pasta, but I have no idea what to do with it (if I answered with advice, then it is added: “Can I always consult with you?”).
• Girl, how much is your smile worth? I would love to buy one!
• Do you want me to give you a ride on the escalator?
• You obviously don't like men. To be honest, me too.

• What do you think I should say pretty man cute girl when meeting on the street, so as not to hear a refusal?
• I have amnesia - have I approached you yet?
• Can you tell me what time it is now? My clock suddenly went backwards.
• I collect signatures of the cutest girls. Could you put yours in?
• He pretends to pick up a bill from the floor. "Girl, is this yours? Not yours? It turns out I found it! Can we drink it together?"
• The man walks past the girl, then turns sharply and asks: “Didn’t you just pinch me? .. No? .. What a pity ...”

Funny catchphrases

Phrases spoken exactly to the point can help to get together, cheer up even in the most exciting moment. Some words describe what is happening so vividly that you want to include them in your vocabulary and delight people with the sharpness of your own expressions.

Phrases of the resilient actress Faina Ranevskaya:

• "If the patient wants to live, then medicine is powerless"
• "Loneliness is when there is a telephone in the house, and the alarm clock rings"
• "Sclerosis cannot be cured, but it can be forgotten."

What are the performances of V.S. Chernomyrdin, who created new themes for parodists:

• "We will live badly, but not for long."

Chaplin on women:

• "A woman can make any man a billionaire a millionaire."

Mikhail Zadornov about life:

• “The worst thing is life. Everyone dies from it."
• “They lived happily ever after until they met each other!”

Mark Twain on important matters:

• "Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow."

From the movie "Moscow does not believe in tears"

• "Sometimes you hear such nonsense, but it turns out - a point of view"
• "Don't teach me, better help financially."

Funny phrases of children

Children are spontaneous, open to everything new, they have a vivid imagination, which sometimes surprises adults. Small child and older children easily find a non-standard answer in any situation, and their philosophical thoughts make you not only smile, but also think.

How to ask for what you really want:

• - Ma-a-am, I'm thirsty. Only not milk ... and not tea ... Compote. Or juice. Better than chocolate!

Children's friendship:

• I ask my five-year-old son:
  - Dima, do you have a friend Vova?
  - Yes.
  - Doesn't he offend anyone in the kindergarten?
  - Mom, we offend together. We're best friends!

• - Mom, can I go for a walk?
  - With this hole in pantyhose?
  - No, with Svetka from the third floor.

Cunning:

• - Mom, let's get a brother or sister. Dad won't even notice, he's always at work anyway.

Children need to be surprised:

• The daughter "stuck" in the store to the rattles.
  Mother says:
  Let's go to another department. Maybe there is something more interesting.
  Daughter replies:
  - Okay, surprise me.

From USE essays in social studies:

• If it is not possible to live in society, it remains only to live with a girl.

When a child asks smart questions:

• “Mom, why did you teach me to talk and walk, and now you make me sit silently?”

Excerpts from essays on the Russian language and literature:

• "He lived with the horse for twenty years..."
• “At first, the geese swam smoothly, and then they began to make movements under the lambada. This is the last dance."
• “Marriages today are like the union of a tick and a dog. But the situation is worsened by the fact that usually there are two ticks in a marriage and not a single dog.”

Funny short birthday phrases

Birthdays are often celebrated with toasts. Long toasts are not always perceived by ear, especially if they are too serious. Therefore, you can please your guests with funny short toast-wishes.

• Let's drink to your coffin, dear friend. A coffin that will be made from a century old oak that has not yet been planted.
• In ancient times, well, or not very old. maybe it was a long time ago. Okay... Lived... or maybe lived... Doesn't matter! Let's drink to the birthday boy!
• A bit of arithmetic: a cottage is “0”, a car and a garage are “0”, an apartment is “0”, money is “0”, health is “1”. Let's drink to the fact that the life of our birthday boy consists of one unit and then - many, many zeros.
• Nature in each of the people ascends either as cereals or as weeds. This toast is for watering the first and tearing out the second. Let's drink, friends, for the birthday boy who managed to grow a beautiful garden in himself!
• D let's drink to the hadron collider, and to the fact that in an hour no one can say this word.
• There is no need to run after a woman, like after a departed bus. Remember what's behind comes next bus.
  Let's drink to the fact that the buses run as often as possible!
• A losing streak often turns out to be a takeoff.
  To our joyful prospects on this airstrip!
• Let's drink to you having everything and nothing to you for it!
• Dear friend, I wish you always had a light heart and heavy pockets!

Funny wishes phrases

• I wish your whole life was dirty and dark...
  Let the money be like dirt, and from happiness it gets dark in the eyes.
• Buddy,
  Remember, we will always come to your rescue...
  And the more revenue, the better!

• I wish you to have everything in this life: both the expected amenities and pleasant surprises!

• Today is your birthday
  So, you need to "break away" enough!
  After all, you will have a whole year,
  To have time to cool down a little!

• You say hello to me.
  And I say "hello" to you.
  It's great that both of us are "hello"!

• Congratulations my "old stick"! I wish you incredible fun, love without borders and health like a horse!

• I want to wish very much humble life. To a car without a roof, only old wine, and moldy cheese.

• Congratulations! Live without enemies and without horns, have success and dreams without interference.

• Friend, on your holiday, I feel like a Bedouin in the desert who has not seen water ... So I want to drink!

• Let's drink to the birthday girl, in whose honor such wonderful, cheerful, worthy and humble people, like us!

Funny cartoon phrases

And now funny phrases from your favorite cartoon characters.

• “Where it is flabby, there it is gentle!” (Kung Fu Panda)

• Good advice: "Never say:" I made a mistake, "it's better to say" Wow, how interesting it turned out! ( glacial period)

• “So where is the damn thing?”
  - Inside. Waiting for us to rescue her.
  - No, I'm talking about the dragon (Shrek)

• - As they say - leave your ass in the past!
  No, leave the past behind you! (Timon and Pumbaa)

• “When depressurizing the cabin, put on an oxygen mask so that other passengers do not see the horror on your face ...” (Madagascar)

• “You made me dress as a modest rabbit, and you chose a bright and beautiful costume for yourself. This is not comradely "(Kopatych from the cartoon" Smeshariki ")

• “Well, who leaves a child alone at the rink? what if I break and fall” (Masha and the Bear).

• - Mr. Krabs, but I had a dream!
  - So what? And I had kidney stones. Time heals everything, my boy (SpongeBob).

• “Who here, for example, is the last king? Nobody? So I'll be the first!" (Last year's snow was falling)

• “The right company is one where I will be treated to something and listen to my Grumble with pleasure.” (Winnie the Pooh)

Odessa funny phrases

Learn how to joke sparklingly when communicating and always find a witty answer to any question - great art. Odessa humor is distinguished by its originality and the fact that it is born just in the course of conversations. That is why it is so vibrant and diverse. Consider the humor in the dialogues of Odessa residents, who can incredibly quickly find original answers to any questions.

• Self-irony:
  - Faina, describe your appearance.
  - You can get used to ...
  

• - Syoma, do you love your wife?
  - Certainly! Why is she worse than others?
• Main perseverance:
  - Syoma, do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk again?
• Reminder in the toilet in one Jewish family: "Don't just sit there, think something."
• Marriage:
  - Do you agree to marry Faina?
  - Do you have better options?
• “God saves the safe,” the bride thought when he ran out of pasta in his pen during the registration of the marriage.
• Grandma really liked Skype.
  - No, you still see what a useful thing! there would be guests, but you don’t need to feed them.

• - Darling, you and I have only been married for the first day, and we already sang to quarrel ...
  I have been waiting for this day for two years!
• - Benya, I still promise you that in six years we will live better than in this Europe!
  - What happens to them?

• A bit of Odessa hospitality:
  - Oh, dear, come again! It's so good without you!

Funny phrases in pictures

Funny phrases for a guy

To please your beloved one, you can send him a funny message. Let's see what the girls write to their husbands and suitors.

• Dear, I don't know how to tell you this... Anyway, I took the test today... and we are the perfect couple!
• I want you and me to have more in common. Let's get a kitten!
• Yesterday I accidentally caught the bride's bouquet. Is there something you want to tell me?
• Dear, I'm late because I've been looking for my broom for a long time.
• Don't be afraid of your desires, be afraid of mine!
• You are an insidious lovebird, why did you break a couple? I can't find a second sock.
• Please help me find information! Look online for ways to tell your loved one I scratched my car and still get a new phone for their birthday.
• I parked the horse, defeated the monster and cooked it for dinner. I sit and wait for you, my prince!
• Darling! The girls and I decided to have a drink here. I will definitely call. Don't pick up.
• Dear, I'm extremely happy for you! After all, you are so happily married.

Funny phrases with meaning

Phrases that not only sound funny, but also conceal certain meaning and life truth.

• Attention! On the slippery porch quantity cultured people cut in half!
• The genius within me is fast asleep. But a fool never sleeps!
• In order not to accidentally call his wife the name of his mistress Anastasia, the husband took the cat and named Nastya.
• Wife: Let's buy a car, I'll learn to drive, at least we'll see the world! Husband: Which light is this or that?
• The sappers do not understand the phrase: you need to learn from your mistakes.
• Wife to husband: I'm not going to accept you the way you are. I'm not in the military!
• Why do I look great in the mirror, but the camera shows the opposite?
• Money is not the main thing. The main thing is their number.
• How to please a girl: you need to be strong, beautiful, rich or just a cat.
• About the alcoholic feast: at first it was good, then even better, then it was so good that it is still bad!

Funny phrases with names

Funny phrases for girls

With these phrases, you can not only make a girl smile, but also pin up. They should be used with caution.

• Girl, you are very Beautiful legs! One is better than the other.
• I want to invite you to dinner and breakfast at the same time.
• You are so beautiful it's scary to look at!
• Girl, do you believe in love with the first person you meet? I'm ready to be him.
• Will you help me go to the left? (A dangerous phrase when meeting).
• In the bus:
  I can’t reach the handrail, I’ll hold on to you.
• In the elevator:
  Girl, aren't you afraid of being stuck in an elevator with a maniac like me?
• You have a very predatory look, you must be hungry.
• You are so beautiful that you don't need makeup. Leave a little though.
• You believe in love at first sight. No? Perhaps I will visit again.

Funny phrases to tears

• Relevant for online correspondence:
  Write a little louder, I can't hear you here.
• Great people lived so little! Here's something I don't feel good about today.
• For the sake of money, I'm ready for anything. Even go to work.
• My wife is very good. Others are even worse.
• So much has been written about the dangers of smoking that I firmly decided not to read any more.
• Optimism is just a lack of information.
• I tried to drown the problems in cognac, but they surfaced.
• The girl decided to take revenge on the guy, and married him.
• A first grade student came to Christmas tree dressed as a squirrel, which greatly frightened the guard Mikhail.
• The fairy tale about the sleeping beauty shows once again that there is always a person who will wake you up.

Funny phrases to rhyme

Funny phrases about work

Even work should be taken with humor. Here are a few phrases that can cheer up colleagues in the middle of the work week.

• I almost live at work. And wages are only going down. Probably deducted for accommodation.

I love working in a team. It's easy to put the blame on others.

Funny phrases about women

Finally, funny wise expressions about the beautiful half of humanity.

• If the girl suddenly fell silent, then she wants to say something.
• You can not trust the woman who does not hide her weight. She doesn't hesitate to say anything.
• The smarter a woman is, the more stupid things she does.
• A man chases a woman for so long until she catches him herself.
• You can kill a woman with impunity only with a compliment.
• If men knew what women think, they would behave more confidently.
• Real men always get what women want from them.
• Women forgive their men, even if they are not guilty of anything.
• Women still know how to keep secrets. However, they do it together.
• A girl can tell her friend for several hours that she has no words.

It does not matter that you take a kitten or a man into the house! Half a year a nice little pug, and then a cunning impudent type!

Not everything beautiful can be rationally expressed in words. It happens that you like it madly, but flies off the tongue: "fuck!"

All instructions in Russian should begin with the words: “Well, you moron, have you already broken it?”

I have not said for a long time: "Go to hell!". I say: "Everyone, stay where you are!"

If a girl asks you to leave her alone, leave her alone. Just don't leave her alone! In short, good luck to you, brother.

Worms always whine that they live in the ass. This is a biography. Only outside the ass they are not viable. This is biology.

Today I went to bed at 22:00. It's already 3-10 and I still can't get enough of going to bed so early!

People need to be trusted. Not money, of course. Or secrets. And so - in general.

The hardest thing to keep is a promise to yourself. You know after all: if that - you will be understood and forgiven.

"No" is only for those who do not ask.

Who does not take risks ... he drinks vodka at the wake of the one who took risks.

When I was little, I really wanted to grow up. Who knew that there was such a setup here ...

If you can, and even more so if you need it, then somehow you don’t really want to.

Medicinal properties of horseradish: if you put it on something, it immediately becomes easier.

Wisdom is an age-related slowdown in the brain, leading to the impossibility of making hasty decisions.

I hung a charm over the door, from all evil spirits, went to the store, returned ... the key in the door broke ... I can’t go in ...

But what if Lenin lies in the mausoleum because he was bewitched by an evil fairy, and if you kiss him, then the spell will break and the USSR will return?

Those who tell you about me tell me about you. Never forget about it.

All show off, absolutely everything. And those who do not show off, then show off those who do not show off.

In case of fire, follow the sequence! First - leave the building, then - write to social networks: VK, Odnoklassniki, Facebook, Twitter...

Conscience - it is so ... It does not torment those who should be tormented, but those who have it.

We have a coffee machine at work. I already lost my salary in it.

If you are reading this SMS, then I already got drunk.

The rooster saw a chicken in the microwave and says: “A vigorous loaf ... in the village there is no one to carry eggs, but she rides on carousels here!”

The man's tail fell off, but the need to wag it remained.

You need to borrow money from pessimists, they know in advance that they will not be given back

Sitting up to your ears in shit, you won’t especially open your mouth.

Organs as organs and only ass massovik entertainer

The story of Malvina proved that a woman can easily fall in love with a man, albeit with a wooden head, but with a golden key.

It's great to be fat. You immediately understand why you do not have a personal life. And when thin - look for reasons, guess, suffer.

Working is not a woman's business. A woman must go to work to show new dresses!

You walk like this with a mug of tea in your hands and a book. And instead of a book you throw tea on the bed...

Before, when I had no money, I associated it with the lack of work. Now I have a job. But apparently I'm doing something wrong.

They say you're not lucky if your breasts are smaller than your belly.

You can't earn all the money, you can't have all the women, you can't drink all the vodka... but did that ever stop the peasants?

The secret of my always great health and always good mood? Vegetarianism, yoga and some meat and vodka for dinner!

I love weekends! You can get to work quickly and without traffic jams.

Tomorrow is a mythical place where you run in the morning, live full life and solve your life's problems.

Progress... smart glasses, smart watches, smart sneakers, smart microwave ovens... Only stupid people remained.

Have you noticed that if you are the last to enter a compartment, then you have the feeling that you are visiting?

I have eternal problems- I constantly say something wrong: “put on” instead of “put on”, “go to x @ d” instead of “well, I will listen to your comments” ....

When choosing a life partner for yourself, you should not forget that in your free time from sex you will also have to talk about something.

I woke up early to walk longer with a disgruntled face.

Man is born to be happy, not to “obey”! Vasilisa, 4 years old.

Frigid - they are only frigid in bed, and they have requests like everyone else.

A woman, when choosing one of two men, hesitates only in the case when she does not need either one or the other.

Ah... ladies! Eve decided.

From time to time, each of us needs to hear funny words to smile. Therefore, in search of a good mood, we resort to various collections of cool expressions and phrases. When you are cheerful, the whole world smiles back at you.

Every day we hear a lot of short funny phrases, but not all of them remain on hearing, and even less are remembered. The origin of a funny phrase is forgotten, but the meaning remains, especially if the phrase is funny.

It is impossible to imagine our life without laughter and smiles, without humor and fun. We offer our selection of cool expressions and phrases for free, and let no one be left without a smile! Use every minute in your life!

Usually it is funny funny phrases that unite companies. Short funny phrases with meaning most fully reflect the good mood of people in society, have a positive effect on the worldview, and help determine the commonality of interests. And it doesn’t matter at all, new cool phrases about love are lines from book work, a chorus from a song, cues from a movie or cartoon.

Short cool expressions and funny phrases will be appreciated by cheerful people with a good sense of humor. On our website, we decided to delight you with our cool phrases and expressions.

Short funny phrases will help to cheer up friends

The main meaning of funny phrases is that they describe in a humorous way the exciting moments in the life of many people. Cool phrases about life will help to cheer up friends during a friendly feast. Cool phrases and aphorisms can cheer you up in a difficult and difficult period.

There are a lot of funny phrases and aphorisms. Cool phrases and sayings are passages that are taken from works of art, contemporary films or cartoons.

Basically, cool expressions about life are not taken from books, but from TV and the Internet. Many cool expressions and phrases are filled with meaning. The coolest expressions are various puns, or seriousness brought to the point of absurdity. Odessa humor is very multifaceted and many cool expressions become classics.

These cool expressions never get old and always remain relevant. For example, a lot of cool expressions are taken from the lines of works of art. Many well-known cool expressions with meaning are taken from the classics of world cinema, which are so pleasant to remember for the older generation.

Free funny expressions and funny sayings

Funny funny expressions about love will help to amaze your companion or companion with wit. Useful cool words and expressions also in case you need to fix awkward situation or oversight. Most relevant funny sayings and expressions in the company of friends.

Meet your friends, enjoy life with our cool aphorisms and expressions, and enjoy your thoughts and those of your friends.

There are many short funny phrases and expressions. But we have selected for you only the coolest ones that, in our opinion, deserve most attention. Our selection of the coolest phrases and expressions for people who love to have fun and make other people laugh. We invite you to read our free funny phrases and expressions to cheer you up.

Cool expressions and funny phrases to cheer up

• People want a good life, and they always have a fun one.
• Money is never as good as it is bad without it.
• I found my place in life, but it is busy ...
• If you did everything right, it does not mean that you will be fine
• Real loneliness is when you talk to yourself all night long and you are not understood.
• The Minister of Finance sincerely believed that happiness is not in money.
• Study, study and study again, because you still won’t find a job!
• They lived happily ever after until they found out that others live longer and happier lives.
• Life is divided into two stages - first there is no mind, then health.
• Smoking is harmful, drinking is disgusting, and it is a pity to die healthy.
• Very often you learn about the best moments of life from eyewitnesses.
• They learn from mistakes, and after mistakes they heal.
• Recipe for army canapés: Simply place a slice of bread on top of another slice of bread.
• Money comes and goes and goes and goes...
• As soon as you find your soul mate, other halves begin to wander around and make you doubt.
• Not everyone who has gone out into the world manages to remain a man.
• Clicked the mouse...
• The classics are the kind of literature that people prefer to praise rather than read.
• When a person begins to consider himself wiser, he ceases to grow wiser.
• When appointing a martyr, the consent of the applicant is not required.
• One does not believe in rheumatism and love until the first attack.
• This world is strange, where two people look at the same thing, but see the exact opposite.
• We would care less about what others think of us if we knew how little they think of us at all.
• Only having known the black everyday life, you begin to appreciate the gray ones.
• Don't impose your happiness on me, I have mine!
• What would you like to wish, so as not to envy later?
• It's good that you are accepted. Too bad it's in a pigsty.
• Sometimes you don’t want to fool around at all, but can you refuse it?
• An honest person who dreams of becoming a politician must remember that the reverse reincarnation is basically impossible.
• Human rights end where the rights of a stronger person begin.
• In the life of a real programmer, there is a place for only two females: Asya and Klava. Well, except for the mother.
• I do not regret the past, I mourn the future that has died in it.
• Do you want sweet dreams? - Sleep in the cake!
• If you are harnessed, then do not wait for the gingerbread.
• What roof doesn't like fast driving?
• A hero is someone who steals from the rich?
• The quality of a miracle is easy to determine: even eyewitnesses do not believe in a real miracle.
• When you start to delve into the essence of any sale, you remember that in Russian the words "discount" and "throw" are the same root.
• Previously, court jesters rang bells, but now - special signals.
• If sport were as useful as we are told about it, then five Jews would hang on each horizontal bar.
• If you see only the good in everything, then nothing will change for the better.
• All men are the same, only their salary is different.
• If a woman tries to keep her virginity before marriage, she has many chances to keep it until retirement.
• He knew how to do everything ... True, he didn’t succeed at all.
• Everything would be fine, but this is nothing - too much.
• Became a vegetarian - switched to weed ..
• If you are constantly laughed at, it means that you bring joy to people.
• Each person has exactly as much vanity as he lacks intelligence.
• A lot has changed in Russia in five years, but almost nothing in two hundred years.
• Attractive women are distracting.
• Forecasters, like sappers, make only one mistake.
• But every day.
• What date is May Day?
• God, I'm a cow.
• Smoking warns: the Ministry of Health is a sneak.
• Caught a mouse - eat slowly.
• Smell under the arm - change the rug.
• Are you flying in your sleep? Sleep at home.
• If it wasn't for my legs, I wouldn't be here.
• Top of freedom - round dances.
• Don't dance, I'll get more.
• If everything is fine in a person, then this is not our person!
• Baldness is the process of replacing combing with washing.
• Today we drink dry wine! Pour it!
• Ideal marriage: she plays the first violin, and he plays the drum (E. Kashcheev)
• If money does not please, then it is not yours.
• In Russia, the people have not yet spoken their word, but it is already written on the fence ...
• A person has either a sense of humor or gloating.
• Each pioneer must hand over to the state 15 kg of waste paper and two who did not.
• Until he served, he slept peacefully, he knew that they were guarding. During the service he slept badly, guarded. After the service, I don’t sleep at all ... I know who guards
• It is indecent to come to an organized drinking party personally drunk in an unorganized way!
• The slower the train goes, the wider the expanses of our Motherland.
• Never have books radiated so much light as in the fires of the Inquisition.
• If not for sclerosis, I would constantly think about my people.
• Scientists have found that the most understandable language on Earth is Chinese. It is understood by 1.5 billion people.
• Small is well gnawed big.
• Physics has been abolished in Estonian schools so as not to injure children with the concept of “speed”.
• Be sure to compose aphorisms - they will facilitate the work of your psychotherapist ...
• Our monastery asked the Holy Synod whether it is possible to pray while smoking, and we were told - it is possible! Since then, our monks have been smoking while praying…
• A man is a self-guided system.
• Until the end of the month only! To everyone who bought satellite dish– satellite spoon and satellite fork as a gift!

Everyday life confronts us with periodic problems at work, which are sometimes difficult to solve without a sense of humor. That is why in reserve you need to have a couple of funny aphorisms that will completely defuse the stop.

• To knock on the clave is not to control the joystick.
• The programmer is sleeping - work is in progress.
• System administrators don't die - they go offline.
• I am a politician and I know how to send people so that they will be happy to wait for a trip.
• Users social networks and those who like to play "Klondike" at work have greatly developed the ability of peripheral vision and quick reaction.
• Give me a point of support, at least I will lie down there (an analogy with “I will turn the Earth over)
• The chief wants to find a magician, but he gets only storytellers.
• If management disagrees with you, then immediately argue why you are wrong.
• Disagree with the team? Be the boss. Let them try to disagree with you.
• Russia is an amazing country. Everywhere they work to get a bonus, but here, so as not to lose it.
• The boss is always right, because this unique person decides on a courageous act: to voice the decision made by the back seat with his mouth.
• A woman has two paths: to successfully marry and not work, or to find a job that does not need to be married.
• The best corporate party is the one after which, at the entrance of each colleague, everyone applauds and hoots in unison.
• They talk about the bosses either well, or at another job.
• The first vacation, when you rest yourself, the second - when the boss.

Easily cheer up colleagues is not difficult. And you will still become a noble comedian, which is priceless in a team. After all, finding friends and like-minded people is priceless, for this you should use cool phrases to cheer up the team.

How to cheer up people

If you want to become the soul of the company, then you will need in the arsenal of eloquence interesting statements about life to cheer up. They can be used in perfect different situations and it is easy to juggle expressions in dialogues with others. What encouraging phrases with a touch of irony and humor can be used?

• Wife refuses to talk in the morning? Rejoice, the corporate party was a success.
• A man should have a wonderful family so that he would happily return home and a terrible mother-in-law so that he hurries back to work.
• Small children in the back seat lead to an accident, and an accident in the back seat leads to small children.
• And why aren't women like dogs? They understand everything, but they cannot say.
• What you sow, you will not find.
• With alcohol, you need to know the measure, otherwise you can drink less.
• I know my limit, but can you drink it?
• - What is missing in the child's body if he eats plasticine? – Brains!
• Frighten customers who are interested in how to get to our car dealership by bus from the metro station. After all, they are interested in Gelendvagen.
• You have to work for a miser, he pays twice.
• Drinking tap water is harmful, but an apple washed with it is immediately free of bacteria.
• To print photos of winter St. Petersburg, it is enough to have a black-and-white printer at hand.
• Life experience comes only with reptiles.
• Millionaires earn hundreds of times more than me, but I'm the only one that's interested in the IRS. Looks like delivery problems.
• Grandma lets you walk without a hat in winter? Check to see if she's not yours.
• An alarm clock is like the sound of a gunshot. Most lie dead.
• - Good afternoon, we are from St. Petersburg. Well, you should not threaten from the threshold.
• If your boyfriend does not hang out with friends, does not interrupt, is with you all the time, then poke him with a shelf - he, like, died.
• If before work you are happy to look at the opposite sex, and after that you don’t, it means that the intimacy was somewhere in the middle.
• When on Monday the boss says: “Well, get to work!” The main thing is not to think that this is a toast.

Use your humor to add something of your own to the suggested phrases. It is possible that in the company you will be valued precisely for impromptu jokes, understanding someone else's mood; and very soon they will quote your statements. Sometimes one word or sentence can establish contact in a team if you bring a genuine smile to your faces.

Laughter is the solution to all problems

Even when you feel tension in the team or are very depressed yourself, it is enough to remember positive thoughts to cheer you up, and everything around will sparkle with new colors. And if you are positive, you will be able to give a charge of positive energy to everyone who is close to you.

• Do you want to enjoy life? So live and enjoy it.
• Fate often throws us back a step, but this is only for a run before a big jump.
• It's nice to think that in someone's fate I'm also a rake.
• You need to dream about what is forbidden to even think about.
• Said you were born to crawl? Rejoice, you are one of those people who will never spoil from above.
• Always go for your dream. Tired of walking? crawl. There is no strength to crawl, well, at least lie down and lie in the direction of the dream.
• I have a conscience! I use it rationally.
• I got sick good mood. To be treated and I don’t think, let everyone else get infected.
• Every pancake is lumpy? So sculpt cool lumps.
• The black streak of my life will be only from the best chocolate.
• If life is a series of black and white, then I intend to stop at white and go along.
• Only the one who does not lie to the question: “How are you?” is happy.
• Happiness does not come, I will go, I will step on it myself.
• I want a miracle! Do not offer yogurt!
• If a man leaves you, do not hold back, but ask him to throw out the trash along the way.
• And where I just did not go. I didn’t go to the Maldives, I didn’t go to Cyprus, I didn’t even go to Greece. I think where not to go this year.
• Why do you think I'm vindictive? I have a very bad memory, I have to write everything down.
• Previously, if a girl met a guy in a cool car, she knew that he had money, and now that he has a loan.
• Dad, please, when he asks for my hand, just say that you don't mind. No need to hug him and call him your savior!
• My parents told me that it was time for me to live alone. Well, I collected their things, I'm waiting.
• In the look of my cat it is read that I live in her apartment and it seems that it is time for me to move out.
• I like that you are not sick with me ... I don’t like that you are sick in life.
• Came home. The husband cooked dinner, cleaned the apartment. I thought I screwed up in what, but no, the computer broke down.
• Are you trying to spit on my back? Fine, so I'm ahead.
• Look for the positive in everything. A fire is being put out above you in an apartment, which means it’s worth having a foam party.

It is not difficult to memorize words and phrases for every day to surprise friends, colleagues or relatives. But you will be the star of the program at any party and gatherings. Of course, you should not say them out of place, but it is easy to wait for the right moment to impress others.

Joke about everything and always

Sometimes even laconic sarcasm will not cause discontent. A subtle prank on someone will only spice up your humor. It is worth remembering that this can only be done in the company of close friends. Unfamiliar people will not appreciate your impulse. But any positive statements addressed to someone will always go with a bang. Aphorisms to cheer up will cause your popularity.

Funny phrases to cheer up short and long ones that you should keep for yourself:

• I'm a cat and I don't care what mice think of me.
• I was not noticed in the connections discrediting me. - Were there any such connections? - What are you, just not noticed.
• Even if I fall on my face in the mud, it will be curative.
• Horseradish is a very educated plant, because it knows everything.
• All poisonings begin with the words: "There will be nothing in the refrigerator for this."
• Everyone has a hobby. Someone collects stamps, someone models ships. My husband has been collecting wardrobes from Ikea for three years now.
• We just ran and jumped in childhood on construction sites, and now - parkour.

You can easily find and come up with many witty, positive statements for every day, if you look at it with humor the world. In every even the most serious problem, you can find a curious, funny. The main thing is not to lose heart, then it will become easier to worry.