Techniques to increase the level of emotional intelligence. Develop Emotional Intelligence: General Tips and Practical Steps

Modern culture focused on productivity. For many active people this translates not only into constant nervous tension, but also the desire to rationalize everything and everyone to the detriment of their emotions. But just comfortable emotional condition allows you to achieve great success and helps you move on, and rational decisions do not always coincide with what we want “in the depths of our souls”. The concept can help emotional intelligence which will help you better understand yourself and your impulses. We explain what it is and why it is needed.

MASHA VORSLAV

How are feelings and emotions different?

Both feelings and emotions affect our psychological condition, but they differ significantly. A feeling is a conscious emotional experience (an outburst of anger, for example). Emotions arise against the will of a person, give rise to specific feelings and are often too complex to be aware of them. At the same time, they can and should be analyzed in order to be able to separate yourself from your negative experience or mood and maintain a pleasant emotional background. True, the sensual side of life can be so confusing that it can take a long time to realize a voluminous emotion: sometimes recognizing being in love with best friend behind a spectrum of constantly flashing positive and negative feelings obtained only years later and with the help of a therapist.

The matter is complicated by the fact that there is still no single list of emotions. In 1972, psychologist Paul Ekman compiled a list of six basic emotions, including anger, disgust, surprise, happiness, sadness, and fear. Ekman later added embarrassment, infatuation, contempt, shame, pride, satisfaction, and excitement. Robert Plutchik proposed another classification of emotions, the so-called wheel. In his opinion, there are 8 main emotional spaces that can intersect and give rise to new emotions. For example, faded amazement and horror can give rise to awe, and annoyance and boredom can turn into contempt.

Where did the concept come from
emotional intelligence?

The concept of emotional intelligence is relatively new, previously such a phrase was perceived as an oxymoron. It was first taken seriously in 1990 after an article of the same name by Peter Salovey and John Mayer for the journal Imagination, Cognition, and Personality. They defined it as the ability to recognize their own and other people's emotions and feelings, to distinguish between them and use this information for further reflections and actions. Salovey and Mayer noted that they consider emotional intelligence a subsystem of the already known social intelligence, which allows "understanding and managing people."

Further firewood was thrown into the fire - and continues to be thrown - by the writer, psychologist and uncle of the author of The Myth of Beauty Naomi Wolf Daniel Goleman: it was after his best-selling book that I learned about emotional intelligence wide circle readers. Goleman managed to find the right intonation for talking to a huge audience and captivate them with a difficult topic. True, the writer not only chewed on the works of his predecessors, but also offered his own interpretation: in his opinion, emotional intelligence does not consist of four areas, as Salovey and Mayer suggested, but of five.

What does it consist of?

IN classical model Emotional intelligence has four components. Self-awareness - the ability to recognize one's emotions and feelings; self-control - the ability to manage them; social awareness allows you to understand the emotional processes taking place in society; relationship management, affecting both interpersonal and group relationships. Goleman agrees with the first two positions, but combines and breaks the rest in his own way: in addition to self-awareness and self-control, his model contains intrinsic motivation, empathy and social skills. In general, Goleman's classification looks simplistic, but it is extremely practical and does not cause rejection even among those who encounter the topic for the first time.

Is it true that emotional
Is intelligence more important than IQ?

IN recent decades intelligence was assessed only on the basis of IQ. Those who were “lucky” to get a high score were predicted a great future, and people with a low score were given more and more new ways to pump their intellectual abilities. Microsoft, for example, used to select candidates based on how quickly they could solve logic problems.

The fact that in addition to the intellect there are other equally important components of the mind (in English Literature- intelligences), spoke Harvard professor Howard Gardner. He states that intelligence should not be measured by IQ or any other single measure, but by seven. This is a penchant for linguistics, logical-mathematical thinking (what is so valued in schools to the detriment of the rest) and understanding one's own body, musical ability, spatial thinking and, finally, the ability to get along well with other people and with oneself. Later, Gardner added to them the "mind of a naturalist" (Neville Longbottom, hello) and also admitted that competencies in existential and moral issues can also be useful categories in the analysis of personality.

So the statement in the title of Goleman's sensational book that emotional intelligence may be more important than IQ, although true (for some people in some circumstances), is more of a marketing ploy: emotions, unlike intelligence, are still a fresh topic on which to speculate effectively.

Why develop emotional intelligence?

Surely you have heard more than once about how easy it is for someone to move up career ladder. Or how well someone manages to communicate with their own children. The heroes of these situations almost certainly have highly developed emotional intelligence, which allows them not only to be more aware of their goals (and therefore achieve them faster), but also to successfully build communication with people on different levels- at some point in development it becomes a necessary step in any field.

If productivity does not seem so attractive to you, think about the calmness with which you can perceive not the most laudable of your own and other people's actions and emotions - a developed emotional intelligence allows this. No one is in danger of becoming an insensitive blockhead - on the contrary, without unnecessary reflections, time is freed up to enjoy the pleasant manifestations of life and minimize the unpleasant ones (and draw all the necessary conclusions from them). Note that independent work with your emotions is not a substitute for medical care, so if you suspect you have urgent or serious psychological problems, you should not solve them yourself.

How to do it?

Curious people can first take an emotional intelligence test. At the end of this questionnaire, for example, they will give a very mild assessment of your emotional skill, which can be taken as a starting point. In addition, tests of this kind help to recognize oneself in the proposed situations (“being in a group of friends, can you always understand how each of them feels?”) And independently analyze their abilities. In general, there are many assessment systems (SASQ, MSCEIT, ECI, for example), but in order to delve into them, you need either really a lot of free time or the help of a specialist.

In any case, it will not be useless to read Mayer's articles with Salovey and the work of Goleman. The first two will give an academic perspective useful for general development, and Goleman's books can be consulted for more vital information. He gives enough of it to familiarize himself with the topic, and forces the reader to perform simple but demonstrative exercises like leading. If there is no time for articles and books, you can use proven methods for self-development, there is a good example. It is important to remember that the development of emotional intelligence, like any other restructuring, takes time and dedication, so do not worry if your personal life does not improve within a month or you do not fly up the career ladder (but probably even for this short term small changes in relationships with people and with oneself will be noticeable).

In this article, I tried to collect the main characteristics of emotional intelligence. This will help you understand what you are missing and try to develop this or that quality in yourself.

I often think about why some smart people so unhappy, why they cherish their depression and do not ask for help, why they refuse to make even small changes, why they go to jobs they hate and do not try to establish contact with colleagues. Why people with a low level of IQ are more likely to be successful and happy, while geeks are left out. It turned out, When we are talking about happiness and success, emotional intelligence comes first, but not mental capacity. Exactly low level emotional culture slows down internal development many people.

Emotional intelligence helps you build stronger relationships, advance your career, and achieve personal goals. According to the Psychologos website, emotional intellect is the ability to effectively deal with the emotional sphere human life: understand emotions and the emotional background of relationships, use your emotions to solve problems related to relationships and motivation.

How do you know if you have a well-developed emotional intelligence?

It doesn't matter if you're an introvert or an extrovert. emotionally developed people likes to observe the behavior of others trying to understand the characters and actions of others. They are good at reading facial expressions and gestures. Such people like to get acquainted and learn, they are inquisitive, feel sympathy and accept the fact that we are all different.

You know your strengths and weaknesses

Being able to act according to your strengths and weaknesses is a rarity, but a huge plus. If you've ever met the most boring people who think they have great feeling humor, you know what I mean. Emotionally developed people improve strengths and fight weaknesses, preventing the latter from directing actions and interfering with relationships.

When you're upset, you know exactly why.

We all experience emotional downturns, we feel sadness, disappointment, we are offended. In order to come to our senses in time and calm down, we should know the reason for what upsets us. Negative emotions don't come out of nowhere. There is always something that caused them. People with a high level of emotional intelligence have a wide vocabulary on the subject of emotions. They are able to distinguish irritation, indignation, sadness, anger, excitement, anxiety. If you learn to correctly recognize the emotion you are experiencing, it is easier to deal with it, understand its source and not let this feeling guide your actions and decisions.

You find time to help others even when you are in a hurry.

Most of the time we are completely focused on ourselves, especially when we are in a hurry. The ability to notice what is happening, to see people who need help and to provide this help is also hallmark developed emotional intelligence. Sometimes you should stop to notice something very important.

You are good at reading other people's emotions

Emotionally intelligent people quickly figure out the emotions of others simply by their eyes and gestures. This helps to correct their behavior and make the right decisions. After all, it makes no sense to discuss important things with a person immersed in their problems, it is better to wait a bit so that the decisions are as balanced and effective as possible.

You find a way to bounce back after failure

Failures help you develop, teach you how to cope with stress, and adapt. Without them, success would not bring such pleasure. Unfortunately, not everyone is able to deal effectively with failure. Not easy, not fast, but effective. That is, do not ignore, do not dwell on a mistake, do not start to be afraid of mistakes, do not self-flagellate, but get the most out of failure, turn it into your teacher and.

Do you trust your intuition?

An emotionally developed person does not ignore the existence of intuition. There's nothing wrong with taking a risk go for inner voice and see where it leads. How else to check that you have good intuition?

you know how to refuse

We so often sacrifice our own interests for the sake of others that we have lost count. We sacrifice the interests of the family, good rest, time alone with yourself to fulfill someone's request. People are starting to use it, but we can't say no because of the sense of responsibility and the desire to help. Sometimes it doesn't hurt at all gently refuse a request, if the fulfillment of this request will take away something important from you, or if you understand that the person simply does not want to understand and it is easier for him to hang it on someone else.

You adapt well to new conditions and are not afraid of change

Emotionally intelligent people are flexible and constantly adapting. because they understand that the fear of the new paralyzes and blocks the road to happiness. If change flickers on the horizon, such people quickly form a strategic plan for adaptation.

You are not afraid of mistakes

Emotionally intelligent people don't take mistakes to heart, but they don't ignore them either. They benefit from the experience gained and always ready to admit their guilt. While people with low emotional intelligence never apologize for their mistakes and often try to blame others for their mistakes.

You are selfless

When someone gives something without expecting anything in return, it makes a powerful impression. People with highly developed emotional intelligence never don't do anything on credit and don't think about offsets.

You neutralize poisonous people

If that's not your specialty, then deal with difficult people It's difficult, annoying and tiring. When people with a high level of emotional intelligence work with toxic people, they constantly remember and control their emotions in order not to succumb to manipulation and not let aggression and frustration control the situation. Such people understand that the irrational behavior of some cannot be attempted to be explained in terms of common sense.

You don't strive for perfection

As Anna Chernykh wrote, perfectionism is probably the most socially approved neurosis. It's really hard to imagine a person being scolded for striving for perfection. But as my venerated Salvador Dali said: Do not be afraid of perfection - you will not achieve it. That is why people of high emotional culture do not make perfectionism their goal. As long as perfection is our goal, we will constantly feel like failures, which makes us give up or stop trying. It is better to be happy with what you have achieved, and not dwell on the level that you did not reach.

You're tripping

Time alone with yourself, changing activities, rest and relaxation help to keep stress under control and live in the present. You cannot devote yourself to work 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. You need to relax, rest. Even just turning off your phone for an hour can reduce your stress levels by several times, not to mention a whole day of relaxation. Emotionally intelligent people don't bring work home or discuss home at work.

You listen and hear

Do you know why it is so pleasant for emotionally developed people to trust and talk with them? They don't just listen, they hear, read between the lines, understand the veiled information well and help you deal with the situation without any questions.

Every person has emotional intelligence, although it is difficult to find someone in whom all qualities would be fully combined. If you were interested, in one of the following articles, I will try to talk about how to develop your emotional intelligence.

Do you want to control your emotions, be happy without external stimuli? The highest level of development of emotional intelligence is all that is needed for this. It will provide a constant inner life that satisfies you (you will easily understand what you need right now), a rational and productive solution of issues without including unnecessary, unnecessary or dangerous emotions. It is easy to understand, manage and regulate one's own and others'. From the article you will learn exactly how to do this.

“To be happy, you need to constantly strive for this happiness and understand it. It does not depend on circumstances, but on oneself.” – Leo Tolstoy domestic writer and thinker.

Emotional control automatically implies mind control. You can’t be productive in a situation of emotional “slagging” or make serious decisions in moments of anxiety, anger,. Why develop emotional intelligence? To think clearly and in the right direction than to speed up the flow of things in your life and ensure ease of communication and relationships.

A person who is able to control emotions is cheerful and active. His life is a world of opportunities and joy, for which it is impossible not to love it. His opposite is a hostage of negative and chaotic thoughts, a gloomy and dissatisfied type. For inappropriate emotions, he has to pay with health, money, reputation, sometimes life.

Emotional intelligence (EQ) - the basis of charm, the ability to remain balanced in any situation. In addition, it is the key to productive and strong relationships in and at work. Understanding other people's emotions is an essential component for. And we have to communicate every day.

Emotional intelligence allows you to:

• express and understand emotions (own and others);
• include emotions in reasoning;
• evaluate emotions and determine their causes;
• control and manage emotions.

People with a high level of emotional intelligence:

• are more efficient and productive;
• more than others are satisfied with their appearance (especially girls) and weight;
• more accurately than others, emotions are determined by facial expressions;
• more responsible attitude to study, work (fewer passes for disrespectful reasons).

Signs of Low Emotional Intelligence

You can determine for sure the level of EQ and the need for its development using special tests. However, there are several signs that make you suspect a low level of emotional intelligence:

• self-doubt, doubt about the correctness of actions;
• excessive self-criticism;
• problems and difficulties in communication, inability to find mutual language with people;
• modest and unprejudiced attitude towards other people.

How to develop emotional intelligence

We are talking about the development of a skill, respectively, the same methods of development are applicable as in the formation of other skills. But first, pay attention to the conditions of development:

• daily workouts;
• patience and discipline;
• high motivation.

Gaining control over your own, and even more so, other people's emotions is not easy. Do not expect an easy and quick victory, be prepared for difficulties and small steps back for a powerful leap forward. So, how to develop emotional intelligence:

1. Study yours. They influence what, when and how you feel. The conditions and specifics of decision-making are also determined by other mental characteristics. For example, due to innate reasons, it is very difficult for a choleric person to control emotions, and a phlegmatic person experiences obvious difficulties in understanding them. Conduct a full-fledged personal diagnosis using psychological techniques. Remember that a person changes daily, even innate features are corrected. Monitor yourself, commit changes with . You need to find out who you are, and only then learn to understand how you feel.
2. Be aware, relaxed and open. Knowing your emotions begins with meditation and relaxation, that is, gaining the maximum unity of the body and mind. Master these and others, for example, breathing. They will allow you to maintain and restore rationality in tense situations, limit you from making rash decisions.
3. Determine which component of emotional intelligence needs to be improved: expression and understanding of emotions, reasoning and comparison, assessment and search for causes, management. Determine your level of emotional intelligence.
4. Once you know your emotions, move on to studying other people. Start by trying to put yourself in the other person's shoes. Why is the person angry? Is he tired, offended, dissatisfied with his life? Do this exercise every day - come up with as many reasons (sources) as possible for a particular emotion (feeling).
5. Keep a mood diary and learn to differentiate emotions. Learn to express your feelings, to distinguish anxiety from fear, and anger from resentment. Record the dynamics of feelings. This will allow you to determine the roots of emotions, the percentage of positive and negative and the prevailing emotions.
6. Develop, broaden your horizons. Limited thinking and perception also limits the understanding of emotions. Watch movies, read books, create, go to exhibitions. The more you are involved in large areas, the more you will get to know versatile and unique people, realize the impossibility of generalization and the diversity of human feelings.
7. Break down your environment into vital and non-essential people. Focus your emotional intelligence on the first group. With loved ones, emotional communication should be especially interesting and meaningful. Surround yourself with those who want to learn from, harmonious and emotionally intelligent people.
8. Learn to think ahead, don't make promises you can't keep. Do not promise, even if you are sure that you can handle it. In addition to subjective factors, life is influenced by external stimuli that cannot always be predicted.
9. Take responsibility for your own life. You are the source of all events in the script of life. Learn to be independent of external circumstances.

When realizing deep psychological problems and, interfering with your own work on the development of emotional intelligence, contact a psychotherapist.

Exercises to develop individual EQ components

mindfulness

Plug your ears and strain your visual analyzer as much as possible. Take a close look at everything around you. Gradually, the picture should become brighter, and you will notice new details in your familiar environment.

Then close your eyes and strain your ears. Under normal conditions, we perceive sounds at a distance of a maximum of 1.5 meters from us. Concentrate, you should hear more.

The third step is to close your eyes and ears, feel. You must be aware of your body and its interaction with the outside world. You may feel a breeze or a sway.

It is enough to carry out the technique once a week to learn how to better recognize intonations and short-term facial expressions. You will be able to more accurately determine the true and hidden motives of the interlocutor, messages in your direction, as well as your reactions to this. In addition, you will better understand how the body reacts to certain emotions.

Adaptability (adaptation to situations)

Write the names of the emotions on the cards. Pull out the cards one by one and depict the emotions that are written on them. The exercise can be carried out in the form of a game in the company.

Self-esteem

Define your "power pose". What it is? A pose that increases the level of dopamine - the hormone of joy, pleasure, activity, euphoria. The most popular power poses include: straight, extended posture, upturned nose and chin, raised hands. Standing in such positions in public is not worth it - they will not understand it that way. But at home, you need to devote a minute to your posture of strength. It is also effective to stand in this position before negotiations - during them it will be easier to remember and assimilate information, you will feel more confident.

Motivation

Write down 10 of your favorite activities. Now name each of them with one verb that conveys the content as accurately as possible. One verb - one month. Now 10 days in each month you need to live under the motto of a particular verb.

Afterword

There is an interesting opinion that emotional intelligence is wisdom. In this context, wisdom refers to the ability to combine the mind, logic and emotions. It can also be said that emotional intelligence is a complex of social skills, empathy, motivation (adequately overcoming failures and difficulties, perceiving new things, building plans and goals, striving for self-actualization), and awareness (awareness of one’s thoughts and emotions, body and behavior). Emotional intelligence is the balance of mind and heart golden mean that many dream of. It is possible and necessary to develop EQ and increase its level throughout life.

One of the wonderful results of developing emotional intelligence is the reduction of negative emotions. Developed emotional intelligence allows you to quickly deal with the causes of negative emotions, and then soberly assess the situation and respond to it reasonably, instead of experiencing them for a long, long time.

Since the 40s of the last century, studies have been repeatedly conducted, the purpose of which was to identify the relationship of school or university academic achievements with further success or failure. successful life students. It turned out that in order to achieve your goals, it is very important to be able to get along with people: to understand someone else's reaction and be able to predict it, negotiate and cooperate.

Not everyone succeeds in this: there are things that do not contribute to this:

Immunity to non-verbal cues. It occurs in about one in ten: this is a bad sense of the interlocutor's personal space, the inability to establish eye contact, the inability to start, maintain or end a conversation on time, a misinterpretation of the interlocutor's facial expression.

Conflict Avoidance Behavior. People who feel unloved, lonely, burdened with worries, are not at all inclined to contacts with others. They prefer to mope alone than to try to solve their problems.

Aggressiveness. Nobody likes aggressive people - neither children, nor even adults. People who have chosen aggression as the basic (and sometimes the only) reaction to everything that happens quite quickly find themselves in isolation.

Click on the picture to enlarge.

Majority successful people have developed emotional intelligence. There are several reasons for this.

Firstly, the development of emotional intelligence allows you to get rid of many fears and doubts, to start acting and communicating with people to achieve your goals.

Secondly, emotional intelligence allows you to understand the motives of other people, “read them like a book.” And that means finding the right people and communicate effectively with them.

Third, emotional intelligence can be developed and improved throughout life, unlike IQ.

How to improve your emotional intelligence.

1. Any emotion must be conscious. Negative emotions - even more so. You can lie to anyone but yourself, especially when it comes to socially acceptable behavior. You have the right to admit to yourself (and no one else): "This film is considered a ridiculous tearful melodrama, but I was terribly moved by it."
2. How are you doing with your vocabulary? How many words do you use to describe feelings? Try to quickly list a dozen of any emotions. If you're stuck after "tough", "wow" and "freaky", it's time to expand vocabulary. Otherwise, how can one learn to distinguish one feeling from another, if there are not even names for them?
3. What emotions are in general, you can learn from others. Moreover: it’s even quite good to be aware of the feelings of those people with whom you communicate. Are you sure that you are one hundred percent aware of their emotions? What if you ask? Or if you share your feelings and ask for a response?
4. Surrounding - generally inexhaustible. I remember that the notorious Homer Simpson reduced Bart's upbringing to one thing: with a cry of "Oh, you bastard," he rushed to strangle him. In real life, such behavior does not look so comical. Observe others: in what ways they react to demands, to claims, to good news, to aggression, to compliments. Find (in your mind first) new ways of responding to typical situations. What feelings can they express?
5. How is your locus of control? It is believed that the internal locus of control (there is a feeling that

Emotional intelligence (EQ) is the ability to understand one's own emotions and use them to improve the quality of life. Managing your own feelings allows you to manage stress levels and promotes fruitful communication with other people, and this is what improves the quality of life in your personal and personal life. professional field. Unlike IQ, which does not change throughout life, EQ can be developed and improved. Read on to learn how to develop emotional intelligence using the right methods.

Steps

Understanding your own emotions

During the day, observe your own emotional reaction to various events. The easiest way is to push into the background your own feelings and experiences experienced during the day. But understanding one's own feelings about a particular situation has great importance to improve EQ. By ignoring your own feelings, you are ignoring important information that affects your way of thinking and behaving. Begin to pay attention to your own feelings and connect them to the experience.

• For example, let's say you're at work and you're interrupted during a meeting. What emotions will you experience if this happens? Conversely, how do you feel about being praised for a job well done? If you get used to being aware of your own emotions, such as sadness, embarrassment, joy, satisfaction, and others, you can increase your level of emotional intelligence.
• Get into the habit of being aware of your own emotions at certain times throughout the day. What emotions do you experience when you wake up in the morning? What are your feelings before going to bed?

1. Pay attention to body signals. Stop ignoring the physical manifestations of emotions, start listening to them. Our mind and body are interconnected; they have a profound effect on each other. You can improve your emotional intelligence by learning to recognize the physical factors that influence emotions. For example:

   • When under stress, we feel heaviness in the stomach and tightness in the chest, and our breathing quickens.
   • When we are sad, there is heaviness in the eyelids.
   • Fun and joy are felt as lightness in the stomach, heart palpitations and energy.

2. Analyze the relationship between emotions and behavior. How do you react when you experience strong feelings? Synchronize your body's reactions with different situations repeated from day to day, instead of reacting to them without unnecessary emotions. The better you understand what influences your behavioral response, the higher your level of emotional intelligence will be, and you will be able to use your knowledge in practice to change your own behavior in the future. Here are some examples of behaviors and their meanings:

   • Feelings of shame and insecurity make the conversation stop.
   • The feeling of anger makes you raise your voice and angrily walk away.
   • Feeling overwhelmed makes you panic and lose control of your actions or cry.

3. Try not to judge your own emotions. All emotions have the right to exist, even negative ones. If you judge your own emotions, you will lose the ability to fully feel, which will prevent you from experiencing positive emotions. Think of it this way: every emotion is a part of useful information associated with everything that happens in your life. Without this information, you will feel inferior. own life and will not be able to adequately respond to the events taking place in it. It is the ability to experience emotions that shapes our intelligence.

   • At first it is difficult, but you need to try to show and negative emotions as a reaction to everything that happens. For example, if you are very jealous of someone, what does this emotion indicate in a particular situation?
   • But do not forget about positive emotions. Start associating joy or satisfaction with the events around you, and you will learn to experience these emotions more often.

4. Pay attention to specific emotions in your life. This is another way to learn as much as possible about own feelings and their relationship to your life experience. When experiencing strong feelings, ask yourself when you felt this way in last time. What happened before, during and after?

   • By learning to recognize patterns of behavior, you will learn to control your behavior. Observe how you acted in this or that situation before and how you would like to act next time.
   • Keep a diary of your emotional reactions and your own feelings from day to day, and you will understand exactly how you react to what is happening.

5. Practice choosing suitable model behavior. You can't control your emotions, but you can control how you react to your emotions. If you constantly get angry or scream when you get hurt, think about how you can react differently. Instead of letting your emotions get the better of you, decide what you will do the next time you feel overwhelmed.

   • When something bad happens in your life, throw your emotions out. Some people describe it as a surge of sadness or anger. As soon as the first influx passes, decide for yourself what to do next. You should express your feelings, not keep them to yourself. You should get back on your feet and try again to cope with the problem, and not meekly admit defeat.
   • Don't resort to loser measures. It is difficult for all of us to express negative emotions, and many people turn to drinking heavily, watching TV all day long, or adopting other habits to somehow drown out the pain. This will only harm your emotional intelligence, especially if you resort to such measures too often.

   Communication with other people

   1. Be open and accommodating. Openness and accommodating go hand in hand when it comes to emotional intelligence. Lack of openness is a sign of weak emotional intelligence. When your mind is open to understanding the essence of the conflict and internal introspection, it will be easier for you to cope with the situation that has arisen, especially if you are calm and confident in your abilities. You will realize that you have become more open to others, and you will have new opportunities. To achieve success in this aspect of emotional intelligence, try the following:

      • Listen to intellectual debates on TV or radio. Always consider both sides of the conflict and pay attention to the nuances that require detailed consideration.
      • When emotional reaction person does not meet your expectations, ask yourself why this is happening, and try to look at the situation from the perspective of another person.

   2. Develop empathy. Empathy is understanding the feelings and experiences of another person and the ability to share their emotions. By listening carefully to other people and paying attention to what others are saying, you can better understand their feelings. The ability to use this information to explain your decisions and build relationships with others is a sign of emotional intelligence.

      • To learn empathy, put yourself in the place of another. Think about how you would feel in his situation. Imagine how this person is in this situation and how you can help him cope with difficulties in the framework of care and support.
      • If you see someone feeling emotional, ask yourself, “How would I react in a situation like this?”
      • Sincerely be interested in the opinions of other people, so you will learn how to properly respond to their words. Instead of mentally flying in the clouds, ask questions and summarize what has been said, then it will be clear that you are interested in the conversation.

   3. Learn to read other people's gestures. Try to read between the lines and learn to recognize other people's real feelings by observing their facial expressions or gestures. Often people say one thing, but their faces say something completely different. Try to be more observant and pay attention to less obvious ways of expressing other people's emotions.

   4. Observe your own impact on other people. When it comes to emotional intelligence, understanding other people's emotions is not so bad; you must also understand the impact you have on other people. Do people get nervous, laugh or get angry in your presence? How do people behave in a conversation when you enter a room?

      • Think about what you need to change. If you often make scenes with your partner or your girlfriend may easily burst into tears while talking to you, or maybe people move closer closer friend to a friend, when you appear, it means that you need to change your attitude towards people, then people will change their attitude towards you.
      • Ask trusted friends or loved ones what they think of your emotional impact. It will be difficult for you to realize your own impact, and people close to you will help you with this.

   5. Practice expressing your emotions sincerely. If you say "okay" with a frown on your face, you will be insincere in your communication. Practice being open about your emotions so it will be easier for people to read the emotions on your face. If you are upset, tell people about it, but don't forget to also share your joy or happiness with them.

      • Being "yourself" will help other people get to know you as a person, and they will trust you more once they understand who you are.
      • But you need to remember that there are certain limits, so control your emotions so as not to hurt other people.

   Using Emotional Intelligence in Practice

   1. Determine what you need to fix about yourself. Have high intelligence very important in the life of every person, but emotional intelligence also plays an important role. High emotional intelligence helps to build relationships with people and makes it possible to find Good work. Emotional intelligence has four essential elements that will help you live a more fulfilling life. The following is a list of emotional intelligence components to help you determine what you need to fix about yourself. After that, start developing the necessary skills in the right direction:

      • Self-awareness. This is the ability to accept your own emotions as they are, and understand the background of what they arose. Self-awareness means understanding one's own strengths and shortcomings.
      • Self management. It is the ability not to expect reward, to balance one's needs with the needs of others, to take the initiative, and to be willing to back away from one's ideas. Self-management means the ability to tolerate change and stay true to your principles.
      • Social awareness. It is the ability to empathize with other people and share their emotions, as well as to notice social cues and adapt to them. Being socially aware means seeing the dynamics of power in a group or organization.
      • Relationship management. This is the ability to find a common language with other people, to adequately get out of conflict situation, inspire and influence other people, and clearly argue your position.

   2. Try to reduce your stress levels by increasing your emotional intelligence. Stress encompasses many different feelings, which is why when you're stressed, you feel overwhelmed by a variety of emotions. life is full difficult situations ranging from the breakup of relationships to the loss of a job. Meanwhile, there are many factors that provoke stress, which create even more seemingly intractable problems. Often under stress, it is very difficult to behave the way we want. But good methods stress management will help you improve your emotional intelligence in every way.

      • Identify what causes you stress and what helps you deal with it. make a list effective ways stress management, such as hanging out with friends or taking a walk in the woods, and try to use them regularly.
      • If necessary, contact a specialist. If you find it difficult to cope with stress on your own, see a therapist or psychologist who will tell you how to do it (and also help you increase your emotional intelligence).
   3. • Negative attitudes cause people to focus on failure instead of building up resilience.
      • People with high emotional intelligence usually know how to make other people happy with humor and a cheerful mood. Laughter helps you get through tough times.
   • Don't despair and don't forget that emotional intelligence can be improved, no matter how low it is. This will require making an effort and being ready to open up to the world and abandon the old way of life.
   • If you have high level emotional intelligence, a job that requires constant communication with people and involves building relationships with others is suitable for you.
   • Emotional intelligence doesn't just control your feelings. He controls you.
   • Some aspects need to be analyzed in more detail than others.

   Warnings

   • High IQ does not mean high emotional intelligence.
   • Being open to new ideas does not mean putting such concepts as blind allegiance, persecution, or genocide above healthier concepts. It means understanding why someone else is so afraid of a certain category of people that he considers it necessary to oppress them.