Have you started to notice that your husband often talks on the phone, he receives text messages, he hangs out in in social networks, spends a lot of time not with you, but in the company of friends. This behavior makes you think that your loved one is having an affair and is cheating on you.
Once you are convinced of this, you begin to think about what to do next. Kill, forgive, drive away, take revenge - you can do a lot of stupid things in a fit of anger. But psychologists offer a completely different way out of the situation, which will help maintain nerves, health and relationships with your husband.
Why men cheat
A woman will never understand why a man can cheat if he loves her. This happens because the stronger and weaker sex have radically different views on life. Women are created to keep home, be loyal to your family, and men are born conquerors who need to conquer new heights in order to stay on top.
Statistics say that 99 men out of 100 are capable of cheating, 75 of them have been unfaithful to their significant other at least once, and 50 consider this to be the norm. Therefore, it’s easier to come to terms with it than to fight masculine nature.
Reasons for male infidelity:
- Men do not attach any meaning to sex; for them it is a way of relaxation and a natural need. Some people need it more, others less, which is where relationships on the side appear.
- Women think that they are not being cheated on, but men are just as sure that they will not be caught. Some people close their eyes, while others take advantage of it.
- The man just doesn't love you. If he does not value marriage, then he does not try to hide the fact that he is cheating.
- A man can cheat out of boredom, while in search of new adventures and sensations.
- Sex on the side can happen because an opportunity comes along and there is a girl who agrees to it.
Yes, from the point of view of women, men are selfish animals, but nothing can be done about nature. You can only change your attitude towards this situation and come out of it with your head held high.
Signs of betrayal
But before you accuse your soulmate of betrayal, you need to have evidence. Otherwise, you will be considered hysterical, and the relationship will end.
What signs indicate your husband is cheating:
- Change in behavior. New acquaintances always leave a mark on speech, manners and habits.
- If a man cheats, he has to lie. But lying is a difficult skill and not everyone masters it. If his stories do not match events, dates and little things, then he may have an affair on the side.
- A man demands changes from you in your intimate life. He is eager for new experiments, wants to change your appearance and behavior.
- The sudden attention and courtesy on the part of the husband suggests that he is trying to divert attention from other things.
- When your husband starts asking you to cook unusual dishes, although he has always been delighted with homemade borscht, someone spoils him with delicacies on the side.
Remember that someday the truth will be revealed. Therefore, think before you start trying on the role of a detective and looking for evidence. Is this game of your nerves and time worth it or not?
What to do if your husband cheated on you
If all the evidence is clear, and your husband has not found any excuses against your arguments, then it’s time to think about how to move on. Most women are thrown into a stupor by this event, and they begin to panic because they do not know what to do next.
It is this fear that inhibits the desire for exposure and wives turn a blind eye to their husband’s behavior. It's threatening nervous breakdown and loss of self-confidence. In any case, the situation will have to be resolved, and the sooner this happens, the better for both of you.
Psychologists also advise not to create scandals and hysterics. It's best to wait it out and calm down. And you should talk to your husband and make decisions with a cool head. In a fit of emotion, you can say hurtful and unfair words to your spouse, hurt his feelings and then regret it. Every man deserves forgiveness, especially if he loves you. It is common for all people to stumble, but then to repent of what they have done.
Ideally, you need to separate for some period of time and sort out all your thoughts. Separation will help you understand how much you need your loved one, whether it is worth saving the relationship and how to behave further. In addition, this is a reason to make your husband worry.
For a woman, to forgive betrayal means to show her weakness and softness. They think that this is how they pamper their men and push them to more terrible deeds. But to forgive does not mean to allow betrayal again. It is important to clearly define boundaries and not violate them.
You need forgiveness, first of all, and not your husband. There are several important reasons proving this:
- Holding grudges prevents you from moving forward.
- For nervous system It is severe stress to store and perceive negative information.
- The inability to forgive the mistakes of loved ones will not allow you to build strong and trusting relationships.
- Resentment causes a decrease in immunity and the appearance of diseases.
- Resentment makes you weak person unable to withstand difficulties.
- Having harbored a grudge against one person, you will no longer be able to trust others, constantly comparing them with each other.
- Only wise women can forgive, be like that no matter what.
If you want to talk to someone, then let it not be your husband, but close girlfriend, sister or mother. It is useful to go to a psychologist who will help you look at the situation from the outside and understand that nothing terrible happened.
Should I get a divorce after cheating?
Having learned about her husband's infidelity, the first thing that comes to a woman's mind is to file for divorce. But think about it, you need another blow if you have not yet recovered from the first one. Divorce is a serious step, after which it will be difficult to correct the consequences.
It’s one thing when you quarrel, go to your rooms, but after a few days you decide to make peace. It’s quite another to cut a loved one out of your life forever. Even if he made a mistake, you promised to be with him through thick and thin. Marriage is meant to support each other, and not to abandon each other for any reason. If you forgive the betrayal and begin to trust your significant other again, then the relationship will move on new level and will become stronger.
In any case, this issue should not be resolved alone; the husband must definitely participate in this. Listen to his position, suddenly it turns out that the fleeting affair meant nothing to him, and now he understands how dear you are to him.
But it also happens that trust is not returned, and it becomes difficult for you to live with your loved one. Or he doesn’t change and continues to wander off to the side. Such things can only be understood some time after the betrayal. And the conclusion here is disappointing - you will have to file for divorce.
How to regain self-confidence
A woman who has been betrayed by her husband needs comfort and support. The first thing she does is blame herself for the situation. She says that she has become not as beautiful as before, she has stopped taking care of herself and paying attention to her husband.
But that's not true. You’re just used to each other, you live together and there’s no point in showing off in front of each other. Understand what you worthy woman and wife, simple daily exercises will help:
- Get the attention of men. Nothing will raise a girl's self-esteem like compliments and advances from the opposite sex.
- Write down all your strengths on a piece of paper and re-read them every day.
- Set goals for yourself and achieve them. If you want to lose weight, set a specific date and the number of pounds you will lose by then.
- Don't envy anyone.
- Become a better person, not just anyone, but yourself.
- Take care of yourself. Beauty must be maintained in any case.
- Dress nicely. Clothes don't have to be expensive, but they do have to highlight your strengths.
- Find yourself a hobby. Coloring by numbers, embroidery, cooking classes - these are little things that will distract you from negative thoughts. And when you see the result, you will be pleasantly surprised.
Cheating for a woman is a difficult event that not everyone can survive alone. If you catch your loved one red-handed, then do not keep your emotions to yourself. Trust your loved ones who see the situation from the outside and will help you make the right decision.
Video: how to start living after betrayal
How can a man survive the betrayal of his wife or girlfriend?
Should betrayal be regarded as betrayal, or can this act be forgiven?
True, if a loved one cheated on you, the question “to forgive or not to forgive?” not the main one at first. Everyone already understands that over time they will need to forgive betrayal. A month later. In a year. Or ten years.
After all, right now it’s unbearably hard for you! It’s as if your soul is being squeezed in a vice; you don’t know where to escape from the pain, from tears, disappointment and fear. Fear for your future. Fear of losing a loved one. Or the fear of rejecting him out of anger and hatred. Anything can happen. Jealousy can cause a lot of things. You can become paranoid, search things and keep an eye on the traitor. Or you can close yourself off from the pain and retreat into yourself for many months. Everyone copes as best they can.
Cheating is a very stressful situation!
Especially when it falls on you unexpectedly. When, it would seem, nothing foreshadowed trouble... I myself had to experience something similar when I was not yet familiar with psychology. So you are not alone (or alone) in your grief.
Modern psychology is confident that adultery is an inevitable scenario for the development of relationships in almost every family. No matter how hard it is to read about it.
Cheating is a crisis that moves relationships to another level. Down, to destruction, or up, to new development (this often happens).
But that's all later. Then it will be easier, simpler. And now, when it’s hard, you need good advice psychologist, how to forgive betrayal?
The first thing I advise is to listen to yourself right now. Treat yourself very carefully. Don't shut yourself up, give free rein to your feelings!
You definitely need survive betrayal with the full range of emotions.
For what? Because then you will be able to let go of the pain, and not carry it inside you anymore long years. After all, such prolonged pain almost always turns into serious illnesses, tumors, depression. Or an unfinished situation with betrayal and mistrust can be played out again and again in a new relationship.
You ask, “What does it mean to survive? How to do this when it hurts so much?
This is where I want to dwell in more detail.
1. It is very important not to immediately start sorting things out with your partner and understanding the reasons for the betrayal!
If you don’t figure out why and who is to blame, leave it for later. First, let your feelings out. HONESTLY FEEL YOUR EMOTIONS AND YOUR BODY. Your body wise, it itself will tell you what to do over time. The main thing is not to rush! Understand that you have the right to experience any feelings for as long as you need.
2. Don’t judge yourself, don’t blame yourself for what happened, don’t look for reasons in yourself!
And even more so, don’t share your problem with those who might judge you. At this stage, it is very important to speak out, to express everything that is on your heart. Perfect option- find a competent family psychologist. But if this is not possible, share the pain with a friend. Just warn him in advance that advice is not needed. Let him just be there and listen to you.
3. Speak up! One time, ten, a hundred - as many times as needed!
What is happening at this moment? You, like a jug, are filled with painful emotions and feelings. And your task is to allow yourself to pour them out (cry, scream, get angry, fear, grieve - it can be anything). After such a dialogue (one or many), the top layer of feelings will go away, and underneath it other experiences and emotions will be revealed, which will give a hint on what to do next.
For example, if you feel anger, indignation, indignation, rage - give free rein to your feelings, express everything that hurts! Most likely, accusations, claims, and reproaches will follow - it is important to talk about everything.
Perhaps this will be an encounter with pain, fear or shame. Fatigue from the relationship, coldness, detachment, loss of interest between you will appear. And it turns out that this is not a relationship at all - it’s just a habit of being around.
Or maybe, on the contrary, you will understand that you still love, that there is still room for warmth and tenderness between you. And from this you can draw strength for forgiveness or building new, more conscious relationships.
It often happens that only after betrayal do you realize how dear and valuable this person is to you. That in the hustle and bustle of everyday life, you both simply forgot about it. Without crying out the first emotions after betrayal, you cannot understand your real feelings!
4. Almost always, after betrayal, trust in your partner is lost. And it will not arise again on its own until you talk to it about your feelings. But only after you throw out all your emotions to other people!
It is about feelings, not thoughts, that you will need to talk to your partner. Without blaming or judging his actions or himself.
I’ll try to show with examples what I mean (the vocabulary is not entirely normative, but such is life after betrayal):
“Bitch, you ruined my whole life! I wanted a young body...” There is an assessment + accusation + reproach.
“Bastard! Bastard! How could you? After all, I believed you! Creature! How can I live after this? (assessment + accusation + reproach).
What is happening at this moment? Put yourself in your partner's shoes. What do these words do to you? How are you feeling?
I will answer for you: words cause a feeling of worthlessness. As if you are a freak who cannot be rehabilitated, unworthy of justification and forgiveness! The feeling of guilt is off the charts! The shame is overwhelming!
Listen to yourself, experiment... Would you be able to sincerely ask for forgiveness when experiencing such feelings? Express regret? Would you like to make amends? Would there be a desire to sincerely understand your partner’s feelings? Hug him and say: “I’m sorry, dear (darling)!”
What do you really want to do in such a situation?
I will answer again: make excuses. Or attack yourself and blame in return. Or just run away.
For yours in rude words will be viewed powerful emotions. But not a word will be said about them! And this is very important - to talk about feelings, not thoughts. After all, only by taking the risk of opening up, voicing your feelings, can you expect that your partner will dare to tell you about theirs. At this moment, you give yourself a chance for further happiness (although not necessarily with the same partner).
5. In fact, it is the repentance of your loved one that you need! THIS IS THE CURE for pain after betrayal!
Your partner’s sincere repentance and regret about what happened will allow you to forgive. Repentance can revive those feelings between you that may still remain.
It is after repentance that he can new strength love and trust in each other will be reborn. It is at this moment that true intimacy will arise. And then the decision what to do will come on its own.
I’ll give you a few examples of how you can convey your feelings instead of thoughts to your partner who cheated on you. Real examples taken from practice, they really work!
“You hurt me! My soul is torn, I am filled with rage towards you!”
“Resentment and pain do not allow me to live.”
“I am dumbfounded and confused. I can't trust you anymore."
“I feel very bad, everything is burning inside.”
“Everything has stopped for me, I’m panicking.”
What happens when you say that? You convey your feelings exactly. You are talking about what is happening to you now. In such a dialogue, your partner will be able to sincerely respond and begin to empathize. He will feel your pain and share it.
And then the pain will become bearable. Then she won't come back to your heart again and again.
6. Do not rely on the advice of others on what to do - they are unlikely to help you.
Advice from even those closest to you will only confuse everything even more, or even shame you and plunge you into even greater trauma. They can give rise to your wrong actions or inaction. Your experience and your case are individual and unique. And advice is the “frozen” beliefs of others; you don’t need them! Walk your own path with your partner!
“How to survive betrayal?”, “Is it possible to forgive betrayal?”, “Is it worth forgiving betrayal?”, and if you want a ready-made solution, then try to share the responsibility for this decision with your partner. Perhaps he already has a ready-made answer that you cannot do anything with.
I want to forgive betrayal! What to do?
If you want to forgive with all your heart, then do so, it’s your decision. Forgiveness is not easy. But very wise.
If you want to proudly walk away or kick out your partner, do it! The main thing is that it is YOUR CHOICE. Do not part with him just because pride does not allow you to do differently, or because you will be ashamed in front of your family.
Do not listen to anyone! Do as you see fit, as you feel in your soul. Do what works in your situation.
What will change in your life after cheating? Much. Perhaps the family will collapse, or perhaps a new, truly close relationship with a loved one will be created.
Real love relationship- an unpredictable thing. And when deciding whether to forgive betrayal or not, you need to not forget about this reality!
What to do if your husband cheats? Many women at one time or another in their lives experience their husband’s infidelity. Married life cannot be called smooth; questions always arise in it that require close attention. You can’t just take it and let the situation take its course. A woman must, first of all, take care of her internal state, and only then decide on her further actions. Otherwise, you can make a lot of mistakes that can hardly be corrected quickly later. What to do after your husband cheats? How to forgive your husband's betrayal and move on? Let's try to understand these difficult issues.
Analysis of feelings
A woman who has encountered such a dramatic experience in life must definitely sort herself out. In most cases, thoughts about one’s own female inadequacy and unattractiveness immediately begin to come to mind. If such thoughts appear, you need to pay attention to them and work through the situation.
Does a woman feel sexy and in demand? Do you feel affection from your spouse? All this is very important, not a single aspect can be ignored. How to forgive your husband after cheating? Many women, without understanding their own feelings, immediately begin to think about whether they should forgive their husband’s infidelity.
You don’t want to lose your family, especially when the relationship has been built over the years and strengthened over time. In addition, a woman is often afraid of being alone. For this reason, she is ready to turn a blind eye to betrayal and pretend that she does not know about it.
Of course, such an approach will sooner or later cause profound internal conflict. The inability to open up and show your feelings can significantly complicate life and completely ruin your relationship with your spouse. This is why it is so important to be able to take care of yourself.
A situation of humiliation and neglect should not be allowed when a woman simply endures the situation for years and continues to live with her husband after his infidelity. The woman cannot forget her husband’s betrayal and suffers greatly. The opinion of a psychologist is usually aimed at restoring mental balance, at seeing some way out of the situation. The priest’s advice will also help you come to your senses and calm down.
This is the first thing you should try to get back after your husband’s betrayal. As a rule, pride is hurt if the husband cheated. The wife does not know how to behave, how to live further, so as not to destroy own attitude to yourself. Respect for your person is what you need to take care of if we're talking about about adultery. If a woman stops respecting herself, she should not expect the same from her partner, since a man will always treat her the way she allows him to. What to do if your husband cheats? The advice of a psychologist helps to concentrate on what is truly important for a woman.
Self-respect begins with accepting your own strengths and weaknesses. Such a woman will never look sloppy in front of a man. She always cares about how she looks and what impression she makes on others. It is impossible to achieve a respectful attitude towards oneself if one allows situations of self-humiliation. At the moment when it becomes known that the question of how to survive your husband’s betrayal comes to the fore, you need to focus as much as possible on your feelings. The advice of a psychologist in this case will be very useful. Can't be ignored own feelings, as this can lead to a complete misunderstanding of what is actually happening. The feminine essence does not allow humiliation at all. That's why it's worth fighting to feel better. Then you won’t have to think about how to survive betrayal and divorce.
Free yourself from dependent relationships
Very often, representatives of the fair sex find themselves in situations where, for one reason or another, they are afraid of losing an unfaithful partner. Finding themselves in such a situation, they are not even thinking about whether to forgive their husband’s betrayal, but about how to survive their husband’s betrayal and save the family. The most important thing for them seems to be the physical presence of the one they call their loved one. However, few people seriously think that a truly close person will never resort to cheating or hurt their soulmate.
Undoubtedly, cheating can destroy a relationship so that it will never be the same again. If you suspect your husband of cheating, you need to know what to do next. Otherwise, you can completely lose self-respect. Such women need to seriously think about whether it is worth forgiving their husband’s infidelity? Perhaps it is better to protect your own spiritual comfort? After all, no one will return a woman’s own happy sense of self, or bring her happiness, if she herself does not know how to be happy.
How to survive your husband's betrayal? It is unlikely that throwing a tantrum and wringing your hands will help in this situation. You need to find the strength to express your surging feelings. There is no need to remain silent and hope that everything will somehow return to normal on its own. What to do if your husband is constantly cheating?
How to forget your husband's betrayal? Psychologists advise taking him out for a frank conversation. Of course, this must be done delicately, without allowing any humiliation. Straight Talk It will really help you understand the existing problem. When there is no mutual trust and agreement between spouses, they stop sharing intimate experiences with each other. There is a psychological component here great importance. If the husband admitted to cheating, then the conversation was not in vain. It will be possible to save the marriage only if both partners want to restore the relationship.
When a wife finds out that her husband is cheating on her, her whole inner world turns over. It becomes quite difficult for her to talk about familiar topics; she does not know how to live after her husband’s betrayal. This situation requires not just special attention, but also additional moral strength. Because if at such a moment there is simply no energy to cope with the situation, then it may drag on indefinitely. After all, there are indeed often cases when a husband cheats constantly, and a woman cannot forgive the betrayal.
As a result, it turns out that after some time the wife cheats on her husband herself. Such an act should be regarded not just as weakness, but as an inability to influence anything in the relationship. This is an unhealthy relationship where a woman makes herself completely dependent on her partner. For the sake of preservation imaginary values, she is ready to sacrifice everything, including her youth, beauty and optimistic outlook on life. Of course, with systematic repetitions of the situation, there is no question of any internal self-respect at all.
It’s better to experience betrayal and divorce from your husband once than to constantly rush around in fears and doubts. You should definitely try to call the man who cheated on him to account. If he is under no circumstances going to correct his mistake, divorce may be a worthy way out of the situation. When a husband constantly lies and behaves inappropriately towards a woman, she should think about whether she would be better off away from him. In this case, it is simply necessary to forget the person and calm down. This can only be done when he is far away.
After leaving the life of your other half, you can try to think about forgiveness. But you shouldn’t get ahead of events. How is it possible to forgive your husband’s betrayal before you forgive the one who cheated? If a husband cheats with enviable consistency, forgiving and forgetting becomes an impossible task. After all, it turns out that he intends to continue to lie, and is not going to change for the sake of further happy life. None useful recommendations and the psychologist’s advice on how to live after her husband’s betrayal will not work if the woman does not work on herself.
Sincere repentance
Such a case occurs when adultery occurred by accident. For example, it can be a response to an insult or be a consequence of alcohol abuse. In this case, it becomes quite appropriate to think about how to forget your husband’s betrayal, and how to live after your husband’s betrayal. If a man sincerely repents of what he has done, then, of course, it is not the best decision to immediately throw him out the door. The psychologist's advice will be useful to those who are thinking about how to forgive their husband's betrayal.
You should not multiply your suffering. However, a woman often does this unconsciously, completely unaware that she is thereby forcing herself to experience a traumatic event over and over again. How to forgive your husband's betrayal and move on? The main thing to understand is that you cannot force yourself to do anything. When a woman does something that goes against her internal state, she's losing vitality. The energy begins to leave her. Absorbed in the question of how to forget her husband’s betrayal, she stops thinking about herself. And this cannot be allowed.
Appearance
How to live after your husband's betrayal? Any woman can help cope with mental pain by taking care of her own beauty. Having transformed outwardly, it will be easier to survive the spiritual emptiness. First you need to restore peace of mind, and then decide whether to forgive your husband’s infidelity.
Thus, the psychologist’s advice is addressed to those women who do not know what to do if their husband cheats. It is very difficult to survive when your husband cheats. Here you need to look at the situation, consider the problem with different sides. Is it possible to forgive your husband's betrayal? Yes, you can. But only if he himself repents of it.
There are moments in a woman's life when loving wife finds out that her husband has a mistress, she is ready, out of anger, to turn the whole world upside down, to take revenge on everyone involved in her grief.
Upon learning of the betrayal loved one, first of all, it is worth remembering that life does not end there. Yes, this is an unimaginable test, pain, suffering, but not the end of life, and perhaps even the beginning of a new one, much better life the life you deserve, with a person who is loving and attentive to you.
After all, if you had such a person in your life, he would not have treated you so meanly, and you would not be reading this article now.
What should you do with your loved one, the person you thought was for you?
Having learned about treason, under no circumstances should you:
- Making scandals will only aggravate an already tense situation.
- Even if you love him madly and are ready to forgive him, you should not do this right away, otherwise this will not be the last betrayal.
- Consult with close friends, remember the choice is yours, because it is not your friends who live with the traitor, but you.
- Ask the traitor about intimate details betrayal, believe me, it definitely won’t make it any easier because you find out.
- To sort things out with the person your partner cheated on, you shouldn’t humiliate yourself even more.
- Do not rush into the decision to leave or drive away; perhaps, having calmed down, you will change your mind about doing it.
- To cheat out of spite, in this case you will take revenge on yourself, and not on the traitor.
But how can one act correctly and judiciously without succumbing to the above?
How to survive the betrayal of a loved one?
Of course, you need to pull yourself together, calmness is what will save you from making mistakes. If you can’t calm down, keep yourself busy with something that doesn’t help, feel free to drink some sedative, but don’t get carried away under any circumstances.
You should not start a conversation with a traitor while you are in a nervous state. Having calmed down, think carefully about whether you need this person or not.
Conversation with a traitor
And after accepting for yourself important decision, you can start a serious conversation. Try to find out why this happened, what caused the betrayal.
If you decide to forgive the traitor, try to convey to him that it is his last chance and there will be no other. If the traitor decides to leave you on his own, you shouldn’t hold him back, much less create scandals, as you won’t get him back.
Remember that betrayal does not happen by itself, it is a consequence that occurs when family relationships deteriorate.
If a family has experienced betrayal and has not broken it to smithereens, psychologists advise that you definitely change something in the relationship, no matter what happens again. So, before making a serious decision, weigh everything, you will always have time to break the woods.
It would be incomprehensible to the woman’s condition if she reacted to such information calmly and indifferently. Then, in fact, there would be no betrayal, where there are no feelings, there is no love, and betrayal without love for your wife is not considered betrayal. 
But, as a rule, the first thing that happens after the facts of infidelity are revealed is hysteria and scandal, which often leads to divorce, division of property, and for some reason many women who have chosen this path then experience a feeling of remorse for what they have done, as if they were to blame for the destruction of the family she, and not the husband caught in treason.
Fear of loneliness, feelings of guilt, and, of course, advice from caring friends lead to the woman deciding to cool down and thinking about how to forgive and understand the husband who has gone astray.
And in this context, “surviving betrayal” does not necessarily mean forgiving and living with him further in love and fidelity; it often means taking a step forward, leaving the betrayal behind.
How to forgive and understand your spouse?
After all, you can forgive, but never forget. Life is given to us once, there will be no second attempt to be happy in the next life.
When deciding to forgive and accept an unfaithful spouse, you should think carefully about your feelings in the future tense. You can sew up your heart, torn by betrayal, but the scars will remain and will ache disgustingly for the rest of your life, because this person, with his presence in your life, will remind you day after day of the pain that you once had to endure.
Therefore, it’s right to get over it once and leave in the past everything that makes you shed bitter tears and squeezes your heart, remember happiness is nearby, and it’s never too late to look for it, even fleeting joy can erase negative emotions accumulated over many years.
Is it possible to survive betrayal with dignity?
When the fact of betrayal is revealed, a woman needs to calm down at this moment, there is no need to give in to emotions, it’s worth looking at the situation with a sober look. If you throw a scandal, it will not lead to anything good.
Before a serious conversation, you need to find out for yourself: “Do you need him after the betrayal?”, and if “Yes,” then how to live on. After all, not every woman leaves a cheater; for some reason she continues to live with him, endure, remain silent and eat herself out from the inside.
A truly loving wife is ready to do anything to bring her husband back to the family and stop thinking about cheating. She wants him to return and they will begin to live as before.
But before you strive for this, you need to answer yourself the question “Are you ready to live in constant resentment and jealousy? Are you ready to eke out a miserable existence next to a traitor and periodically feel like one of the stupidest and most unfortunate women in the world?”
What should you absolutely not allow?
In any case, it is you who must make the decision; no one will give you an exact answer or algorithm of actions, just stop for a moment and make the fateful decision yourself.
Each of the unpleasant events of married life at the time of his residence seems global. However, none of them compare to infidelity. Such a nuisance is perceived as especially painful female half humanity. Some members of the fairer sex claim that adultery is tantamount to the death of a loved one. And even worse. After all, death is experienced, and over time, emotions become dull. But how can you forget your husband’s betrayal when he reminds you of it just by being there every day?
If, after the adventures of her beloved, a beautiful person dares to save her married life, she needs to prepare herself for the fact that it will not be easy. Several painful stages await her, which, in addition to a feeling of loss of trust, will be accompanied by a feeling of betrayal, humiliation and sometimes unbearable pain.
The reaction to what happened depends on how developed the person’s ego is. If the spouse is jealous, then she will have a painful struggle with herself, because controlling every step of the spouse is an ineffective way to preserve the marriage. Ultimately, it will lead to another relationship on the side. If she suffers from excessive pride, again, a struggle is inevitable. You will have to fight with your own barbs, reproaches and desire to humiliate the traitor. Your loved one will not stay in such discomfort for long either.
A sad outcome awaits the family in which the female half takes on the role of the eternal victim.
Consciously or unconsciously, with or without reproaches, she will create conditions in which a man will feel guilty about everything. family problems(future, present and past).
The types of behavior described above are the most typical and are characteristic of most half of humanity. It is logical that there is confusion about how to live with your husband after his betrayal? Is this even real? Answer: yes. There are cases when the adultery of the head of the family served as a reason for recreating a collapsing marriage.
In contrast to the uncompromising decisions of the stronger sex (if they have been betrayed), the weaker sex is more compliant. And this is understandable, since a woman thinks first of all about children and family values. She also understands that nature has endowed the stronger sex with polygamy, so she makes a small discount. But despite her efforts to understand and accept, she is often completely in the dark: what to do to let go of the grudge, how to survive her husband’s betrayal and save the family? It is these questions that we will now address.
Is it really worth it? If your spouse has cheated on you more than once and there are no guarantees that the mistake will not be repeated, is it necessary to “drag the relationship by the ears”? When a person betrays, then swears allegiance, but then betrays again, it is better for the suffering half to understand right away - the carousel is endless. Don't let yourself be rocked by it all your life.
A chance for forgiveness can be given when he:
- He was seduced by his mistress and could not resist the temptation.
- I decided to try something new without thinking about the consequences.
- I quarreled with you and decided to take revenge in this way.
- I went “left” while drunk.
The reasons for a one-time love affair may be different, because the situations are different. The main word that should stop you from instantly breaking up and help you decide whether it’s worth saving the family if your husband went on a spree - just once. Betrayal, which lasts several years, is much more difficult to forgive. And even if your spouse greatly repents, should you think about it?
The restoration of a strong connection will not take place in the following case: when admitting a mistake, the faithful is guided not so much by honesty as by cowardice. This means that the man is not ready to live with remorse, he is simply afraid of them. Shamelessly hiding behind honesty, he happily admits to his soul mate that he is unfaithful. In this way he lightens his soul and safely shifts the burden onto the shoulders of the one he betrayed.
He is even more pleased by the fact that he is freed from responsibility for the further decision: to be together or not to be. With this action, the partner seems to be saying: “Decide for yourself what to do with me, I wash my hands of it.” Although the situation is presented in a completely different way: you see how good I am, I am ready to come to terms with any of your decisions. If your partner is truly afraid of responsibility and you see that in the future he is not ready to act as he promises, then he has no place next to you.
There is another type of behavior: a man carefully hides his love affairs, as if protecting your soulmate from unnecessary stress. At the same time, she guesses, but pretends that nothing is happening. It's sad, but this way of married life is all too common. Why? Because it’s easier and simpler for everyone. There is no need to think about how to forgive your husband’s betrayal, because this thought threatens to leave your comfort zone. And I don’t want to leave it, it’s better to live normal life. This example can be found in couples who have lived together for 10 years or more, with children, with property and a good income, which is earned by the male half of the family.
If you are not one of those people, congratulations. After all, turning a blind eye to the adventures of your loved one is not respecting yourself. In addition, from carefully hidden experiences, the beautiful half “acquires” a lot of women’s health problems, wrinkles and insomnia.
You can decide to save the couple even in this case, but not silently, without pretending that you are not in the know, but through conversations and the search for compromises.
One way or another, only the deceived party must decide whether it is ready to share the future with the one who betrayed.
At first glance, it is an advantage, but in reality it is the greatest injustice - the victim of circumstances, who is already experiencing stress, must find the strength within herself and figure out how to save the marriage after her husband’s betrayal.
The beginning of the way
Forgiving such an act is very difficult. The appearance of a feeling of relief does not depend on the person. A woman may have desire let go of the offense, but the desire will not affect the process of forgiveness itself. After all, the mind and feelings cannot be rebuilt at the click of a button. Therefore, regarding how to survive your husband’s betrayal, there is only one piece of advice: time. The only thing a person can do is bring the desired moment closer.
The first steps should be the following:
- Exhale. What we mean here is to take a time out and be alone with yourself. Exhalation is necessary to cool down emotions, because when going through the first stages - shock, anger, resentment and the desire to get a divorce - a woman is capable of doing stupid things that she will later regret. Negative emotions are bad advisors.
Psychologist's advice: You can give free rein to your emotions at a time of stress, but making a momentary decision is by no means recommended.
- Don't try to reach a verdict until you are ready. In solitude, think about what your living together, whether it suited you, write down all the pros and cons. But don't get hung up on the idea of forgetting everything. The latter will take you to the same emotional level which you are trying to avoid.
- Talk. The readiness to talk should come gradually. In the process, you need to make sure that your loved one is determined to spend the rest of his life with you in fidelity and harmony. The conversation should concern not only you, but, first of all, the one who betrayed. Put together a table in which you write down all the pros and cons of a possible separation and future life together, find out if you still have common goals(except for children), ask, in the end, whether he is ready to withstand your accidentally released reproaches in future quarrels. In short, find out all the exciting details that will lead to the CORRECT and JOINT decision.
- Approach a disinterested “judge.” A competent outside perspective and advice from a psychologist will help in this matter. If you don’t like turning your family troubles inside out in front of a stranger, ask a friend or someone close (who knows how to keep secrets) to listen to both sides. An independent look will reveal to you those things that you yourself did not notice. For example, that the adultery of the head of the family was committed partially and through your fault.
- Find the root of the problem. Perhaps the most important step on the path to forgiveness. If you find the true reason that pushed your loved one to commit adultery, consider yourself a winner. After all, the next step will be to search for actions aimed at eradicating this cause. Most importantly, don’t hide or deny if part of the blame for infidelity lies with you. Perhaps the partner was looking for something on the side that he did not receive in family life. Count this recognition from your partner as a big plus. After all, you might not even know about the real reason and then the likelihood of a repeat would be higher.
- Think about your spouse's feelings. Do you think you're in the worst place right now? No. He also tries to cope with emotions: guilt, shame, discomfort. When talking, show respect - do not insult, humiliate, or shame. A huge step towards preserving the marital relationship will be sharing responsibility for what happened.
- Talk about "now". You shouldn’t lump everything into a heap - remember what happened a year ago, a year and a half ago, and so on. Focus your attention on the present. Discuss what your couple can do here and now, in specific situation for healing and better relationships. And yes, get ready for serious work on yourself in the future.
Forgiveness through rapprochement
When the couple makes the final verdict - to preserve the relationship at all costs - the next step should be to find ways to get closer. The couple needs to remember what exactly made them be together, what brought them closer, and why they fell in love with each other. In general, the recipe is this: open widen your eyes and fall in love with each other again.
Psychologists advise going on a trip together or arranging a new one for yourself. Honeymoon. It’s good if the lovers are just the two of them (children go to grandma!). If this is not possible, try to be alone more often home environment. Perhaps the couple will be inspired by a common hobby or a common household activity.
An important step towards rapprochement will be the development of different habits and traditions within the family. Realize what you are entering into new stage, new era married life. There is no place for previous experiences that lead to discord. The couple must create a different model of behavior, from which positivity and harmony will emanate.
But you need to promise yourself not to give up at the first failure. After all, it may not work the first time. The bitterness of the experience will emerge at first. And the thought of how to forgive your husband for his betrayal and save the family can periodically unsettle a woman - it will seem to her that this is unrealistic.
Advice: As soon as uncertainty befalls the couple, it is necessary to remember that now the priority is restoring the marriage, and not finding out who owes what to whom.
If the couple is confused and cannot find a way out of the current circumstances, they need to contact a psychologist. Exist special exercises, which are processed individually. They are aimed at:
- Restoring spiritual intimacy between partners.
- Developing new communication skills.
- Getting rid of old gaps in the couple’s relationship (which led to betrayal).
- Restoring former respect and admiration.
- Development of listening and hearing skills.
By learning to do the exercises, you will solve the problem by 80%. Working on herself, the wife will not even notice how the resentment will recede and forgiveness will come on its own. And the stronger half, discovering new facets in themselves, will get rid of feelings of guilt and shame. In return, gratitude and inspiration will come. And this is exactly what the wife expects from her partner.
How to restore trust and restore happiness?
Trust is perhaps the decisive factor in the question: how to survive your husband’s betrayal and save your marriage. If there is no trust, then there is no rapprochement, and without rapprochement there is no forgiveness. This is how the chain turns out.
Many wives who decided to restore their marriage after experiencing betrayal gave up precisely because they were unable to trust. And they are right in their own way. How to remain calm and smile on your face when your spouse leaves, for example, for work. After all, there are a lot of thoughts in my head: is it really going to work? Why did you put on new jeans? And who sent the message when he left the apartment?
To prevent the wife from having such speculations, the couple needs to agree that at first the man, if possible, reports on his actions. If he strives to keep love, he will certainly make concessions: he will treat with understanding your frequent calls, questions about where he is and when he will return from work. Do not hesitate to ask him to call himself and tell you where he is, why he is delayed, and also take an interest in your affairs. A husband who has nothing to hide will even allow his beloved to view email or go to his page on social networks.
Important! Respect the boundaries of what is permitted, do not turn trust into searches and interrogations.
Gradually, trust will return and you will no longer worry about any “suspicious” reason. And about the painful thing: how to save a family after your husband’s betrayal, you will completely forget. Better yet, write your own story about this and share it with women who are futilely rushing around in search of an answer.
