The story "Criticism", according to the classification of Shukshin himself, refers to character stories. The clash of characters reveals weak sides heroes-relatives: grandfather, his son and daughter-in-law, relatives of the daughter-in-law.
Issues
The most important problem of the story is the relationship between generations, the problem of "fathers and children". Another problem is that people do not appreciate and do not respect those close to them. One can single out the problem of old people who feel that in this life they are “out of work”. Shukshin's usual problem of relations between urban and rural residents is also raised in the story.
Heroes of the story
Grandfather- 73-year-old dry, nervous and deaf old man. In the past, he is a carpenter, a master of his craft, who built half of the village in which he lives. Now the family treats him with disdain, as an unnecessary, obsolete thing. Grandfather's favorite entertainment is to go to the cinema with his grandson and criticize everything that he sees on the screen: the plot of the picture, individual episodes, characters and their actions. At the same time, grandfather must definitely argue. He willingly argues with his 13-year-old grandson Petka, wins these disputes using "adult" arguments: "You are a little isho."
Grandfather rarely argued with adults, because he "didn't know how." His arguments are always the same: “Shit. That doesn't happen." Grandfather evaluates cinema from only one point of view - credibility, it should repeat life. That is why the TV for him is like a crack, into which people shamelessly look, as if into someone else's room.
The grandfather is outraged that the carpenter in the film holds the ax incorrectly. He does not want to listen to the point of view of visiting relatives. Their polite smiles grandfather perceives as mocking laughter. The aunt's husband's remark "curious old man" offends the grandfather, he feels spat upon.
Grandfather "turns on". Emotional excitement is reinforced by alcohol, and the grandfather breaks the TV screen, expresses all the accumulated long years resentment. Another property of his character consists in conjecturing the words and actions of other people.
Grandfather lives in his own world, although it turned out to be forced: he does not hear well, which is why he does not always understand what is happening in his favorite movie, he laughs out of place. But grandfather is a warm-hearted and compassionate person, often crying when someone is killed in a movie.
The grandfather tries to pass on his values to other generations: to his grandson and son, but they do not need these values. Petka objects that "now people have become different." Similarly, the grandfather's son outwardly affectionately refers to his father as "tya", but he is not interested in the grandfather's remark that the carpenter in the film holds the ax incorrectly.
Petka- a thirteen-year-old "friend" of his grandfather, independent, long, bashful and stubborn. He gladly argues with him about the paintings, trying to explain what his grandfather did not understand. Petka is grandfather's like-minded person.
The reader sees everything that happens through the eyes of a boy. Petka's point of view is the wisest. The author rejects worldly experience. The wiser is the one who knows how to love and forgive. Petka knows how to do this best of all in the family. He advises his grandfather not to pay attention to the ridicule of adults, tries to calm down, undress and undress the drunken grandfather. Petka is the only one who pities his grandfather, whom the policeman takes to the sobering-up station, and weeps bitterly.
Petya's father obviously ashamed of his artless father. The phrase that escaped from the old man that they did not want to put him at the table with them, as well as the son’s curse addressed to him, “take you, kinsman” - all these details indicate that the grandfather is not a friend for adults, but a burden. Petka's mother shares her husband's point of view, considers his grandfather unscrupulous. The father repeats three times addressed to the grandfather “had bothered”, which in the context of the story means something like “disgraced, surprised”. Petka's father is not able to understand and forgive his grandfather, he behaves very rudely with him: he takes him in an armful, ties his hands with a towel, puts him on the floor and, finally, gives him to be torn to pieces by a policeman.
Petka's aunt and her husband- city dwellers, Muscovites, for them the grandfather with all his ambitions is simply exotic. It is the aunt who calls the policeman, and the aunt's husband looks at everything as if from the side. They combine interest in certain details and indifference to the person as a whole.
Policeman Yermolai is a formalist. He sees only dry figures and facts, does not even feel sorry for the excited Petka, scaring him with a prison for his grandfather.
Plot and composition
The story begins with a description of the usual activities of the grandfather and grandson, who loved to criticize films. middle part story - the only serious skirmish grandfather with adults. They criticize the grandfather, from his point of view, unfairly. The story ends with the arrival of a policeman, who draws up a protocol, which is a mixture formal business style with colloquial and illiterate expressions: "He continued an excited state", "knocked out everything in the world, that is, where it can be seen."
All heroes are critics, each of them sees the shortcomings of the other, but does not notice the beam in his own eye.
Stylistic features
Shukshin literally in a nutshell describes the appearance of his grandfather and grandson, there are no portraits of other heroes. The character of the characters is revealed, as in a drama, through dialogues and speech.
The author's text is short, reminiscent of remarks. The speech of the villagers is simple, contains speech errors. Shukshin describes the inhabitants of the Altai village where he comes from. This is emphasized dialect words: look (like), bothered, recovered. Grandfather uses rude expressions: uhaidokali, crap. City dwellers speak politely and with a smile (it is she who infuriates the grandfather).
Thanks to the police report, the story takes on the features of an essay. The reader learns only from the protocol full name grandfather, year (1963), date and month of events. The official language of the protocol emphasizes the live colloquial ordinary people that the author loves.
Gently flowed into the area of criticism and the degree of its necessity in the life of every person.
People exchange information, as do all living beings on earth. Even bacteria communicate with each other using certain chemical substances. They tell their neighbors in the microbial colony what is going on outside their population. How is it with food, with oxygen, with enemy bacteria and viruses, and in general ... is there life behind a Petri dish.
In psychology, there is a lot of talk about messages - "mutual strokes." These are situations when we tell each other that we are pleasant and accepted by each other. It's like mutual compliments, but in Everyday life such positive support is less noticeable and occurs almost automatically. We like a person, we send him signals that he is OK, and he returns the same to us.
But people not only praise each other. Many things in relationships and interactions are OK and many are not. So, an equally integral part of psychological interactions is telling others that you do not feel good in a relationship. By the way, this is also important.
Everyone has mirror neurons, which determine the ability to empathize, but empathy is still largely a matter of imagination. People take into account what tells them own experience. As a result, they can do with others as the content of their psyche dictates to them. It is far from a fact that others want exactly what we think we would like in their place. Thus, it is very useful to communicate in words that I am not well, I don’t want it this way, but I want it differently. In fact, to inform the opponent that his behavior is undesirable.
Another point that is necessary in a relationship is the opportunity to communicate your point of view, to tell how you see this or that situation. So to speak, check the maps of the world. Do you see what I see? Are we talking about the same thing or different things? The vision of situations may differ. The existence of one point of view may negate another, making it automatically wrong.
Actually, these two types of communication form the basis of criticism. Naturally, everyone can say this in different ways and with different purpose. In this regard, there are such types of criticism:
1. Constructive when messages are intended to improve the existing state of affairs, improve relationships, understand each other better. At the same time, the person who criticizes:
- benevolent,
- does not cross social boundaries
- does not get into the personal space of the criticized,
- interested in developing some new solution,
- ready to give up their positions for the sake of consensus,
- does it in a timely manner, i.e. when it is possible to correct the situation,
- can clearly explain what he wants.
- too late (you should have done...)
- an incompetent person (if I were a pilot ...)
- not applicable to specific situation(what to do with a noisy child, without knowing why the child is making noise)
- the meaning of criticism contradicts the desire of the criticized (I need to buy not apples, but pears. What if I want pears?)
- based on someone else's experience, the value of which is doubtful (here is my great-grandfather in 1812 ...)
The main message of such criticism is to lower the opponent at least one step lower and win due to this. Get the other to do what the critic wants. And if you don’t force them to do it, then at least make the criticized feel guilty and ashamed.
At the same time, the critic usually cannot properly explain what he does not like specifically, what needs to be done to like it (“kill yourself against the wall” and absurd remarks do not count). His criticism sounds like an order and an insult. Such criticism is often based on personality assessments attributed to the criticized.
Not necessarily destructive criticism - it's op and swearing. More often than not, everything goes quite calmly and even disguised as good intentions. Such destructive criticisms are masked in order to reduce the victim's ability to defend himself or to somehow improve and be better. Consensus and precise instructions are not included in the plans, because they make it pointless to pour negative emotions onto the victim.
For example, unsolicited advice is very often actually destructive criticism. The mother-in-law, eating the daughter-in-law's cake, may give out the phrase "if you want to bake really nice cake then you need to buy groceries best quality". This often implies that "the cake that you pretend to call good sucks because you put all kinds of rubbish in it", which means "you are a trashy hostess." Such criticism is very often disguised as a wish for good, but in fact such critics care very little about what kind of cake comes out next.
The second variant of disguised destructive criticism is "critical IMHO". People express their negative assessment of anything as an axiom. Because that's how they see it. They refuse to discuss or somehow enter into a discussion about what they do not like. The main idea is that they can just talk in any form, any nasty thing, and others should listen to it. Moreover, gratitude and appreciation are expected for every tub of dirt they pour on the criticized.
Again, a lot comes from childhood. Often criticism from parents is just unconstructive, but rather manipulative. They try to induce feelings of guilt and shame in the child. After the child, this is presented as a manifestation of love. After all, if you do not criticize, then a person will not grow out of a child. If they criticize, then they love, then they don’t give a damn about you. If no one criticizes you, then no one needs you. The harsher the criticism, the more useful it is. Everyone should endure criticism, because it is "for good."
A few myths about criticism and its importance in life:
1. Only insecure weaklings do not like criticism.In fact, among the streams of criticism towards any person most criticism is non-constructive and destructive. For what purpose should these types of criticism be loved and endured. They are of little use in life.
In addition to unpleasant emotions from the invasion of borders, a person receives nothing. In this case, a weakling can be called a person who does not protect himself from the flow of useless critical information, does not say “no” to “evil critics”.
2. Critical people always give a person the opportunity to see themselves from the other side.
In fact, critics have a very specific and far from unbiased view. Often they simply project their problems onto others. Information about inner world And internal conflicts criticism is completely useless to most people.
3. People around you know more about you, so you need to listen to what they tell you.
This statement resonates with number 2. And even if they do know more, it is not at all necessary that their opinion about what they know will turn out to be correct and necessary.
4. If you said "A", be prepared to be stoned for it.
Many believe that your every act unties the hands of others for any kind of aggression. It's like "I went out in a short skirt, don't complain about being raped, I wanted to." If you posted photos, get a tub of brown IMHO in the face. Wrote about something personal in the diary, be prepared to mix your personality with dirt.
5. If I want good for a person (even theoretically), then I can not restrain myself.
"Good" is a very loose concept. Not all good things are needed.
6. If you are criticized, they want you well.
7. Without criticism, you cannot become better than you are now.
And if you refuse to listen to critical remarks in your address, then people will stop loving you.
Why do critics do this?
One of the most serious factors pushing destructive criticism and part of non-constructive criticism is the presence of an inflated self. "I" is very important, "my opinion is very important" for everyone, it cannot be disputed. If you say that my opinion is not important to you, then I can stop loving you (I will defrown you!). You can't think of anything worse than this. And I will never tell you my opinion again. It's like an anathema.Another reason, no less significant, is the very childhood habits associated with criticism. People sometimes just do not think of other relationships, friendship and love. That is, how is this all, and without criticism? What to talk about? How to take care of friends, loved ones, relatives?
Another important reason is that people do not know how to cope with their negative emotions, let them go in the right direction, without dumping them on others, raise their self-esteem by working on themselves, and not by humiliating others.
And of course, not only critics play a role in this phenomenon. Not only the content is important, but also its perception. But that's next time.
The article talks about what criticism is, what it is for, what it is like and what it takes to become a critic.
Creativity and discussion
Even in ancient times, when our ancestors were not very similar to people, there were those among them who were attracted by everything unusual and strange, for example, music and drawings. Everything is clear with rock art, however, not as many of them have survived to this day as we would like, but primitive musical instruments made a splash when they were found.
In fact, creativity with art is loved and recognized by all highly developed beings with a high (by the standards of the animal world) intellect. For example, dolphins and elephants can draw, and the latter even recreate some pictures of their lives that they saw many years ago.
Art, as such, is closely connected with the development of society and, in general, the formation of a person as a person. It has long been proven that without it the normal development of civilization is impossible. And an integral part of art is its criticism. So what is criticism, why is it needed and what happens? In this we will understand.
Definition
In the process of criticism, the value of the work is also analyzed, if the topic of criticism is something other than a picture, poetry or song, then such a phenomenon helps to find the right point of view, or the one closest to it. So criticism can be applied not only in art. For example, scientific hypotheses and assumptions are necessarily criticized. So now we know what criticism is. But what are its types?
Good and bad
Roughly speaking, there is good, - constructive, and bad criticism. In the first case, her judgments are based on an impartial analysis of the material, when a person, or a group of people, in the process of discussing a work of art, scientific theory, and other things, relies precisely on facts, messages and actions, and not a personal attitude towards the author. Simply put, a good one is one that carries a constructive discussion, indicating errors, shortcomings and minuses, and all this, regardless of the personal relationship to the author or group of authors.
Well, if we talk about bad criticism, then everything is exactly the opposite - it does not carry anything sensible in itself, claims do not have a clear justification, it strongly depends on the personal attitude towards the author. By the way, bad criticism can also be one that simply praises a work or something else, without substantiating positive ratings in any way.
Meaning
What is the point of criticism? Without discussion, evaluation and analysis, any creator, author or scientist will not be able to adequately develop. Sooner or later, he will either fall ill or, conversely, become discouraged because no one even discusses the fruits of his labors.
In science, criticism is simply necessary, usually, theories and hypotheses are developed further only if they withstand the initial
History of criticism
Criticism as such has always existed, but perhaps it became most famous in Ancient Greece and Rome, where there were many talented poets, sculptors, artists and scientists. But still it is worth remembering - sometimes criticism is harmful, especially if it is given by a person who understands absolutely nothing about this issue. But is it correct to say that before you start criticizing something or someone, you need to understand the topic in detail?
Yes and no. On the one hand, a person does not have to be able to write poetry himself in order to appreciate someone else's creation, the same with songs and other stories.
But on the other hand, if a person begins to criticize the technique of painting a picture, the design of a building, or the proportions of a sculpture, it is useful for him to get at least some idea of \u200b\u200bthese processes.
Criticizing is always much easier than creating. And by the way, few people criticize, for example, general theory Einstein's relativity, or the assumption about the origin of an ancient hurricane on Jupiter, because for this you need to understand what you are talking about.
Some have a negative attitude towards critics, considering them just swindlers who profit from other people's works, and such cases sometimes happen in reality. And some critics deliberately provoke authors to quarrels, fights and scandals.
So, now we know what criticism is, what it is for, and what happens.
criticism
and. search and judgment about the merits and demerits of any labor, esp. essays; parsing, evaluation. Historical criticism, analysis of everyday life, search for events, cleaning them from embellishments and distortions. Human criticism can not be avoided, gossip, condemnation, degrading. Criticize what, do analysis, search and conclusion on it about the dignity of something;
to denigrate, to condemn, to rebuke or to blame, to slander. -sya, to be criticized, condemned;
defame each other mutually. Critic who criticizes; disassembler, disassembler; detractor, detractor. Critically, on criticism, analysis based; capable of sound, correct judgment, evaluation; prone to censure, to finding faults;
difficult, dangerous (see crisis), leading to a turning point, to a revolution. Critical Studies; faithful, critical mind; critical direction, look at what; emergency: critical sweat in illness. To disassemble what is critical, on the basis of sound criticism. Criterion, criterion m. touchstone, a sure sign for recognizing the truth. A logical criterion based on the very way of thinking.
Explanatory dictionary of the Russian language. D.N. Ushakov
criticism
critics, w. (from Greek kritike).
only ed. discussion consideration, study of something., checking something. with some purpose. Submit something. criticism. Relate to something. without any criticism. Critique of Pure Reason (work by the German idealist philosopher Kant, creator of the so-called critical philosophy).
only ed. scientific authentication, the correctness of something. (philol.). Historical criticism. (checking the correctness of the facts reported historical documents). Criticism of the text (authentication some text. writer).
Determination of advantages and disadvantages, evaluation, analysis. Produce criticism of something. Strict criticism. Below all criticism (does not meet the lowest requirements). Doesn't stand up to scrutiny (see withstand).
only ed. Unfavorable assessment, indication of shortcomings, censure, attacks. Criticism of the actions of the administration.
only ed. Analysis, interpretation and evaluation works of art. Belinsky was engaged in criticism.
Special literary genre, mainly magazine, dedicated to the analysis of the current fiction. Criticism of the sixties. History of Russian criticism.
Explanatory dictionary of the Russian language. S.I. Ozhegov, N.Yu. Shvedova.
criticism
Discussion, parsing something. in order to assess and identify shortcomings. K. and self-criticism. Below all criticism or t withstands no criticism (something very bad).
A negative judgment about something, an indication of shortcomings (colloquial). Criticize something.
Analysis and evaluation of literary, musical, theatrical and other works of art. Musical room. Theater room. Department of criticism in a thick magazine.
adj. critical, th, th. Critical speech. Critical review. K. department in the magazine.
New explanatory and derivational dictionary of the Russian language, T. F. Efremova.
criticism
Analysis and evaluation of literary, musical, etc. artistic works.
Genre literary creativity, which consists in such an analysis of the listed works.
Analysis, analysis, discussion of smth., smth. for the purpose of making an assessment, identifying shortcomings.
Unfavorable assessment, indication of shortcomings; censure.
Encyclopedic Dictionary, 1998
criticism
CRITIQUE (from the Greek kritike - the art of disassembling, judging)
analysis (analysis), discussion of something in order to evaluate (for example, literary criticism).
A negative judgment about something (in science, art, public life etc.), indication of deficiencies.
Research, scientific verification of the authenticity, authenticity of something (for example, text criticism, criticism of historical sources).
Criticism
(from the Greek kritikē ≈ the art of disassembling, judging),
analysis (analysis) of something in order to evaluate.
A negative judgment about something, an indication of shortcomings. K. has a wide application in science, art and public life. Scientific K., depending on its object, is part of one or another scientific disciplines Literary criticism is one of the branches of literary criticism, artistic criticism is a section of art criticism, theatrical criticism is a section of theater studies, and so on. In the social life of class society, criticism is an essential element of the class (political and ideological) struggle. On the role of k. in a socialist society, see Art. Criticism and self-criticism.
Wikipedia
Criticism
Criticism- this is an analysis, evaluation and judgment about the phenomena of any of the areas of human activity. The goals of criticism are:
- identification of contradictions;
- error detection and analysis
- analysis, discussion of something in order to evaluate (for example, literary criticism);
- a negative judgment about something (in art, social life, etc.), an indication of shortcomings;
- research, scientific verification of the authenticity, authenticity of something.
- review, discussion of something in order to express one's point of view.
- grade.
Examples of the use of the word criticism in literature.
Anticipating objections in advance critics, therefore, we point out the fact that in practice the stages of understanding, as a rule, either change not as sequentially as in the proposed adapted classification, or even occur simultaneously.
I would therefore ask my criticism take into account that from Shandy Hall to the house of Dr. Slop, the obstetrician, is only eight miserable miles - and that while Obadiah went to the doctor and back, I brought Uncle Toby from Namur through all Flanders to England - kept him sick almost four years - and then took in a four-wheel carriage with Corporal Trim almost two hundred miles from London to Yorkshire.
She tells us the answer to that riddle, over which they have been struggling for many years. critics various directions: Dodgson with his adherence to order, religiosity, law-abidingness - and the emphatically non-religious, non-moral, illogical nature of his fairy tales.
Perhaps this Altman does not even suspect that Vadim is not only a son famous professor Marasevich, a consultant to the Kremlin hospital, but also a well-known critic.
However, the central place in the study of Russian-Brazilian literary relations should belong to Jorge Amado, since the work of all other Brazilian writers, both classics and contemporaries, is considered Russian criticism through the prism of the Amado phenomenon.
The choice of the role of a professional evolutionist in a country accustomed to anarchist rebels and despots could mean either blatant naivety, for which Gorbachev is not tired of accusing Russian critics, or the highest political wisdom, for which he is constantly praised mainly by Western admirers.
In any case, it was precisely from the second half of the 1980s that a sharp criticism traditional American feminism as a manifestation of bourgeois liberalism and humanism on the part of such post-structuralist feminist theorists as Toril Moy, Chris Whedon, Rita Felsky, etc.
When a man of German orientation came to power in Belgrade, expressing admiration for the practice of the Duce, Mussolini interned Pavelić, experiencing some kind of vindictive joy: he did this not because the speeches of the head of the Ustaše could be regarded by the internal opposition as hidden criticism regime, but only because the Yugoslav prime minister came to Rome and signed an agreement with him that took into account the annexationist interests of fascist Italy - Albanian and Ethiopian as well.
If in this thought critic solidarized with the principles of democratic ethics, which had an undeniable impact on Turgenev, then on another issue concerning social theories modernity, Annenkov takes a critical position - both in relation to the revolutionary content of these theories, and in relation to Turgenev's novel, where the idea of the inevitability of the democratization of the active forces of society found its place.
The very concept of beauty, beauty in art, Annensky considers not abstractly, but, like his contemporary populist criticism, in unity with the concepts of good and evil contained in it.
In literary and pedagogical articles, Annensky gradually built the system of views that led him to create a new method in the early 900s. critics.
However, in the first period of his work, Annensky quite consciously avoided social analysis, and it was in connection with this that he made his only attack against the democratic critics.
In the work of English realists, to one degree or another, sober, merciless realism is combined with elements of romantic critics, socially accusatory, anti-bourgeois nature of realism with romantic images and situations.
Any anti-criticism is useless, boring, disgusting, because critics in their effort not to understand the writer, but to refute him, they take appearance for essence, without critics they make the verbal essential, the local universal, the particular characteristic, the temporal permanent, the relative unconditional, linking what is not related to each other, but necessarily separating the connected - in a word, they mix everything arbitrarily and in disorder and therefore provide non-philosophical anti-criticism, but only a philological work on the interpretation of quotations.
As part of critics Thomism, which pursued strictly religious interests, began to appear, some new philosophical and ideological elements, foreshadowing the onset new era and gradually expressing anti-feudal ideas.
One of the destroyers of relationships is criticism. Bypassing it means losing another powerful resource for the development of not only relationships, but also yourself.
What is criticism? Criticism is an opportunity to express our dissatisfaction, to say that we do not like in another person. Or criticism - the accusation of someone that the one who criticizes does not like.
Criticizing, we declare our desire to improve the situation. Why then deteriorate the relationship?
This is due to the fact that our conscious goals (to improve the situation) do not coincide with subconscious goals.
And now in more detail. Conscious goals are what you think (for example: by saying this, I will make our relationship better!). Subconscious goals are what we really want (our subconscious mind influences this).
subconscious purpose
There are several subconscious goals for which criticism manifests itself:
Subconscious goal - An example from life (you can add it yourself, we hear them every day)
- To hurt (to take revenge) - “you are a drunken bastard ...”, “you are an asshole, you did not wash after yourself ...”, “you are stupid ...”, etc.
- Protect yourself from someone’s excessive demands - “I washed everything, but Sasha didn’t wash it after me”, “and you yourself don’t do anything”, etc.
- “I am the most unhappy” (when nothing suits me in life) - “Everything infuriates!”, “Everything irritates”, “My husband is not the same”, “The children are not the same”, “The salary is not the same!”, “Husband is indifferent, doesn’t help!”, “Mom got it!” and etc.
- Prove to Yourself that I am the Most-most (th) ... (the best, smartest, beloved, beautiful) - “How many times can I tell you ?!”, “Who puts a toothbrush there ?!”, “Here I always put my things! ”
These subconscious goals do not lead to an improvement in the situation, because they worsen any relationship, and the results do not please us.
So when you criticize and don't get a result, then ask yourself the question: “maybe I am pursuing these goals?” If you really want to improve the situation, then your words, subconscious goals and feelings will be different.
No wonder there is a concept of "constructive criticism". And you can learn how to use it by practicing every day, like on a simulator.
This requires awareness: What do I want more?
Do you want to offend, humiliate someone, defend yourself or prove something to yourself?
Or improve the situation?
Whatever you choose is neither good nor bad.
It just affects your life and gives absolutely opposite results. Do you want to take revenge? So revenge. With this you will fill your life, and live in it. And not everyone who is next to you will remain. It suits someone, but someone will choose something else and will build a different life (we wrote about revenge in the article: what is revenge. We also talked about it in the third video podcast).
The ability to improve any situation implies a respectful attitude towards oneself and another. And this is worth practicing. This will definitely give results. For example, a person does not want to communicate with you; respecting yourself and him, you will not communicate with him. You can give him that right.
Criticism narrows space, outlook on life, reduces internal energy(We also wrote about this in the article: what is stress). And to improve the situation, you need to assume that the other person sees the situation correctly, or that everything is happening the way it is best.
For example, “Unwashed dishes, but my daughter had a good rest”, “Husband came drunk, but alive” (after all, tomorrow you can discuss this, or maybe they gave him a bonus, or they awarded him a ticket for two, or he will be poisoned and will not drink anymore).
Constructive criticism
If you want to improve the situation, then use constructive criticism.
Constructive criticism has 3 components:
- The ability to be sincere and honestly tell the other person what we don't like.
- Improve the relationship with this person, as we assume that he hears us, respects us, is ready to cooperate (he just may have a different view or he does not understand something).
- Receipt desired result. For example: “next time the daughter washes the dishes on time”, “the husband comes sober”, “they raise the salary”
If you decide to criticize, notice that you are already criticizing or starting, it is important to stop, find the inner point of respect for yourself and the other, and use the 3 components of constructive criticism (see above).
For example, what to do when you want to criticize your daughter for unwashed dishes:
- Tell me about your feelings (be sincere) - when I come home from work and see unwashed dishes, I get upset.
- Talk about relationships - I love you, you are my beloved daughter.
- Make an offer - and I would like our agreement to be respected. Maybe something does not suit you, let's talk.
Constructive criticism implies internal openness, the ability to agree differently.
At first, it won't work right away. Let me remind you that the process of personal change, the emergence of new habits occurs gradually (we wrote about this in the article: How new habits are formed).
The skill of constructively criticizing comes with practice. Thanks to this skill, tension in relationships is relieved, and they become more open and sincere.
