My dear readers, what a pity that our life is fleeting and can end at any moment, but we do not want to think about it. Especially if everything in life is going well and everyone around is healthy. And yet, what to do if such a day comes and how to observe mourning.
The word "mourning" came to us during the time of Peter the Great from German language and means "sorrow".
How to observe mourning: order and traditions
Alert
If someone in the family dies, it is necessary to notify all relatives, friends and acquaintances, indicating the date and time of the funeral. It is advisable to notify non-residents by telegrams - this will make it easier for them to arrive faster and say goodbye to the deceased.
If the person who received the telegram can come, then you should report it. And if it is not possible to attend the funeral, then you should immediately send your condolences to the relatives of the deceased in the form of a telegram.
A person who does not have the opportunity or is not going to attend the funeral can send a basket or bouquet of flowers with a written condolence card.
It is accepted that all friends and acquaintances come to the funeral without receiving a special invitation, because, with such deep grief, it is easy to forget about someone.
Good manners require that, upon receiving news of the death of a person with whom one has quarreled, it is necessary to appear at the funeral to show that death has interrupted all hostility, and they do not continue beyond the grave. How to observe mourning?
How to dress for a funeral
Most suitable look for a man at a funeral, a black suit with a light or dark shirt and a muted tie. The suit can be not only black, but also others dark colors. A shirt under a jacket can be replaced with a turtleneck.
The classic mourning outfit for women is also a black suit, trouser or skirt. Pants should not be tight, and the skirt should be above the knees. Appropriate clothing would be black dress strict and simple style.
A skirt with a dark sweater, blouse or turtleneck is suitable. All items of clothing must be closed. holiday decorations, glitter and bright decor at a funeral look indecent. It is advisable to wear a black scarf, hat or scarf on your head.
This is important if you will attend the funeral ceremony, which will take place in the temple.
If you take children to the cemetery, then their outfit should also be made in dark colors.
How to observe mourning: wreaths and flowers
Since ancient times, flowers, decorated in the form of a wreath, symbolized the cycle, rebirth and immortality of the soul. Today, artificial wreaths are the most convenient option, they are more durable.
But nothing can visually replace the depth of feelings that fresh flowers evoke. The variety of flowers has its own hidden meaning. If the wreath contains Red roses, it symbolizes long life and heroic death.
Violets, lilies, feces and wreathed white roses are placed on the graves of young people and children. They signify purity and morality. And compositions of evergreens mean hope for eternal life and the undying love of those close to the deceased.
Funeral bouquets should not be bright. A funeral is not a holiday, but a day of mourning, so you should bring strict bouquets, emphasizing the solemnity of farewell.
At a funeral, bouquets containing more than 2-3 shades are undesirable, since the variegation does not correspond to the sad atmosphere of the funeral.
When choosing the type of flowers and their colors, it is better to prefer flowers of simple and dark colors, additionally taking into account the gender and age of the deceased.
Very much at the funeral loved one you can bring those flowers that he loved most during his lifetime.
Flowers are placed on a coffin or grave without a wrapper.
How to behave in the house with the deceased
In the house where the deceased is located, one should not talk loudly. Silence shows our participation much more than a loud expression of condolences.
During a visit of condolences, it is not customary to discuss issues not related to death and service problems, especially to tell funny stories.
Relatives of the deceased should close all mirrors, since it is believed that the mirror is an otherworldly portal in which the soul of the deceased, who is at that moment in the house, can get lost. There is a more sensible explanation for this: you should close the mirrors only so that it does not distract anyone.
In addition, it is not pleasant when the coffin with the deceased is reflected in the mirror.
While in the house with the deceased, it is necessary to remove all jewelry from him. If the deceased was a believer, then a pectoral cross should be put on his neck.
Relatives of the deceased should wash his body only during daylight hours.
The water with which the washing took place must be poured into a specially dug hole in the place where people do not go, crossing that place. You can't flush this toilet!
Beliefs
You should not put a glass of water (or vodka) covered with a piece of bread near the portrait of the deceased. According to legend, the soul of the deceased will never come to this glass, but only demons will come.
While the deceased is in the house, there is no need to arrange laundry. This is considered a bad omen. Also, one should not allow someone to sit on the bed of the deceased while the coffin with him is in the house.
If someone is afraid to be in the house with the deceased, he should be advised to overcome his fear by holding the legs of the deceased for a while.
When there is a dead person in the apartment, before the funeral, you can not use sharp metal objects (knives, needles, blades ..) and keep them in an open place.
While the deceased is in the house, a cup of water should be placed on the windowsill (to “wash the soul”).
The coffin with the deceased, as well as the lid from the coffin, cannot be carried to the relatives of the deceased.
Do not allow flowers to be placed in the coffin next to the body of the deceased. Then these flowers are thrown onto the road along which the funeral procession is going. This is a ritual for transferring diseases from the dead to the living.
You can not collect these flowers, step on them, and even more so bring them into the house. This can provoke another grief in the family.
You can not look out the window at the dead.
When the coffin lid is hammered, care must be taken to ensure that the shadow of a living person does not “get into the coffin”.
Everyone knows that the earth taken from the cemetery for sealing after burial cannot be brought into the house and left at the entrance, otherwise the person is considered sealed. And the porch too. This will lead to diseases of the people living in this entrance.
On the memorial week, you can’t take sweets, cookies, eggs from the graves. They are intended for the dead, they can not be eaten.
Remember! Nothing can be taken from the cemetery! Including shawls and towels that are removed from the cross or wreaths.
funeral procession
According to church rules ahead funeral procession they carry a cross or an icon of the Savior, then they carry banners (church banners), behind them the lid of the coffin, behind the lid comes the priest with a censer and a candle.
Then they carry the coffin with the deceased, relatives and friends follow the coffin, and behind them other participants in the funeral with flowers, wreaths (in cold weather, participants in the procession may be wearing hats). A person participating in a funeral procession and during the procession must maintain a serious dignity.
Mourning for relatives
The deepest mourning, which lasts one year, is observed by the widow. She wears mostly black clothes and does not wear any jewelry or jewelry. During this period, she does not visit places of entertainment and does not have the right to marry.
By refusing outfits and imminent marriage, the widow shows respect for the feelings of the parents and relatives of her late husband.
A widower man observes mourning for six months. Children, for their dead parents, mourn for a year, gradually moving from black clothes to clothes a few tones lighter.
For a grandmother or grandfather, mourning is observed for six months, the same period of mourning is set for a deceased sister or brother, and for an uncle and aunt, three months.
During mourning, you cannot express to others about your boundless grief. The whole point of mourning lies not only in mourning clothes, but also in observing a worthy state of mind person.
How to observe mourning? At this time, a person is in deep thought about himself, his loved ones and thinks about the meaning of life. Items that are prohibited in mourning include: clothing bright colors, from silk fabrics, any jewelry, whether it be made of gold or silver.
The use of perfume is excluded.
How to observe mourning: commemoration
Men must come to the wake without a headdress. Women, on the contrary, need to have some kind of headscarf covering their heads.
All relatives and friends who were at the cemetery can come to the first commemoration on the day of burial. For 9 days after the death of the deceased, only relatives, friends and relatives of the deceased come.
You can't come to the funeral without an invitation. You can come to express your condolences, but you should not rush to sit down with the rest of the guests at the table if you are not invited to share the funeral meal.
It is also not allowed to occupy the place where the deceased once sat.
Anyone who wants to commemorate the deceased can come for 40 days. Before you sit down at the table, you must read the "Our Father" or the 90th psalm. During the funeral meal, you need to honor the memory of the deceased.
The memorial meal begins with the serving of kutya.
Kutia should be consecrated at a memorial service or sprinkled with holy water, and everyone present at the commemoration must try it. Kutia grains represent the immortality of the human soul.
At the memorial meal, as a rule, only simple, traditional food is allowed, including special memorial dishes: jelly, cabbage soup or fish soup, pancakes and kutya. At the same time, a stack of vodka covered with a piece of bread is not allowed.
Alcoholic drinks are optional.
Wake can be held not only in the house of the deceased. Holding a commemoration in a cafe does not contradict Orthodox principles.
How to observe mourning: days of special remembrance of the deceased
Until the 40th day, the deceased is called the newly deceased. The commemoration of the newly deceased at the first time after death is important and necessary, especially because it facilitates the soul of the deceased such a difficult transition from temporary life to eternal life and helps to go through the so-called ordeals.
Special days of commemoration of the newly deceased are the third, ninth and fortieth (in this case, the day of death is considered the first).
The soul that remains after the death of a living terrestrial organism consists of several parts, which, according to the modern classification, are conditionally called ethereal, astral and mental bodies these bodies disintegrate on the 3rd, 9th and 40th day.
According to folk tradition, up to 40 days the soul of the deceased is close to relatives and home.
These days, the closest relatives gather to commemorate the deceased with a prayer at a joint meal.
If the deceased was baptized, you should order a magpie commemoration at 40 liturgies, be sure to visit the church on the 9th and 40th days from the date of death and serve a memorial service, pray daily for the repose of the soul.
In memory of the deceased, good deeds should be done, alms should be given to all those who ask.
There is also a custom to commemorate the deceased on every anniversary of death, on his birthday and on the day of the Angel.
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The funeral ceremony is underway, the obligatory days of remembrance are ending, and those close to the deceased begin to ask questions:
- Mourning. How long is mourning for the deceased?
- Would it be appropriate to appear in light clothing in public?
- Is it possible to visit various events?
- How long is mourning?
- After what time can you remarry a widow or marry a widowed spouse?
We live in a society and therefore external observance of traditions is very important. Below are different opinions on this account. Which point of view to adhere to is up to you.
How long does mourning last
Different cultures have different time frames for expressing their grief. Also interesting are the instructions on how to wear mourning.
Ancient Greece
IN ancient Greece A widow was required to wear black clothes all her life. Only if she remarried, then she could change her attire for another. The men wore black bandages on their sleeves and did not shave for 40 days.
Ancient Rome
IN Ancient Rome mourning for children was established in accordance with the number of years they lived. If the child was 7 at the time of death, then the parents mourned for 7 months. Maximum term considered 10 months. After the widow could already get married, and close relatives took off their black clothes.
Medieval France
In medieval France, the dowager queen was not supposed to leave the rooms where she heard the sad news for a year. noble ladies it was also prescribed for the first 6 weeks to be on an empty marital bed as a sign of expressing one's sadness. If a sister grieved for her brother, then only the first 9 days she spent in bed, and the rest of the time, up to 6 weeks, she just sat on black matter. For men, etiquette was not so harsh. It was enough for them to tie a black bandage on their arm and wear it for six months.
Ancient China and Korea
In China and Korea, the period of mourning for a close one reached 3 years. During this time, it was possible to wear clothes made of unbleached canvas, and at breakfast they set additional device for the deceased.
Japan
In Japan, the first 49 days after death are considered the most important. Relatives sincerely pray that the soul of the deceased will find peace and be reborn in the Pure Land. Also in the country rising sun It is customary to mourn the death of the emperor or members of his family. National mourning lasts a year.
How much mourning is worn depending on confessional affiliation
The most stringent is jewish mourning. It is divided into 4 periods:
- Onen from death to burial. The actions of relatives are aimed solely at organizing proper send-offs to the other world.
- Shiva the first week after death. A number of prohibitions are imposed on household members: cutting nails, leaving the house, studying the Torah, working, washing, wearing clean clothes or leather shoes.
- Shloshim - from the 8th to the 30th day. It is already allowed to leave the house, apply cosmetics to women, and men to trim their beards and mustaches.
- The fourth period It is customary to observe only for deceased parents. It lasts until the anniversary of death.
Buddhist traditions It is prescribed to wear mourning for parents and close relatives for 100 days. If the relative is distant, they mourn for the past 49 days. At this time they put on dresses gray color various shades.
In Islamic countries the behavior of women in the first time after the death of a spouse is strictly regulated. They are not allowed to wear jewelry, do their hair, dye their hair, use scented grooming products, and spend the night outside the home. Acceptable colors in clothing: white, purple, black and dark green. Mourning for her husband lasts 4 lunar months and 10 days. For other relatives - only 3 days. Men, as a sign of grief, do not remove their headdress during the burial ceremony.
Orthodox priests do not like the words "death", "dead". Most often in speech they replace them with “assumption”, “deceased”. The deceased until the 40th day is called "newly deceased." During this period, the one who left the mortal earth appears before the Lord, and only the prayers of the living can tip the scales when choosing where to go: to Hell or Paradise. Because in Christianity strict mourning lasts exactly 40 days. It is customary to express one's sadness about the loss not by moaning or crying, but by prayers, appeals to God, reflections on the frailty of life and memories of the pious deeds of the deceased in eternal sleep. After this time, it is allowed to remove the mourning bandage from the head. However, if you feel that grief is still crowding in your heart, then you can continue to wear a black scarf or scarf until the end of the year. The widow decides for herself when she will remove the mourning - after 2 years or immediately after the funeral meal.
Mourning for the deceased in our time
In modern times, mourning is determined more by the religious beliefs and traditions of the region.
The observance of religious canons in our days is not so reverent. If in countryside still adhere to the old foundations, then city life imposes its own limitations. For example, the dress code adopted in many offices does not include the presence of a black armband. This can turn off buyers or potential customers.
If it is impossible to explicitly mourn for a deceased relative, you can decide this problem in the following ways:
Refuse external paraphernalia . For the deceased, it is more important not what others think about you, but what you really think about the one who left you forever.
Wear a black scarf or ribbon outside of work . Quite difficult, but possible for purposeful people.
Replace the color of sorrow . Along with black, white and red also symbolize sadness and grief from an irreparable loss. The Karakalpak people wear blue clothes during mourning. Muslim woman can wear a purple or dark green dress.
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From this article you will learn what mourning is, as well as how personal mourning differs from state mourning.
The meaning of mourning
In the conventional sense, mourning involves the wearing dark clothes and a ban on entertainment during certain period time: from several months to a year - according to the closest relatives. During this time, widowers, as a rule, do not enter into new marriage. However, what is the meaning of this long external grief, and is it necessary to observe strict mourning.
"When the heads European countries declare state mourning for the death of some prince of Bourbon or Savoy, how do they forget to declare mourning for the violent death of thousands and thousands of human beings, each of whom is a prince in the eyes of God? If European peoples were truly enlightened, they would establish state and popular mourning for any war at any point the globe. In the name of compassion, restaurants, gambling houses and cinemas would be closed, all entertainment would be prohibited while brotherly blood was shed. How heaven would rejoice if the Slavs were the first to establish such an order!
Serbia has declared three days of mourning in connection with the death of its Patriarch. After his death, mourning was not declared, although the whole country mourned, everyone who could came to say goodbye to the Patriarch. All entertaining television and radio programs look like a terrible dissonance and a real insult not only to religious feelings, but also to the simplest human ones.
Is it possible to force the sharing of grief, the reader will ask. Is it worth showing a person what he may not want to see, is it worth limiting his freedom given by God? Or maybe vice versa, without replacing entertainment shows, we deprive a person of freedom? After all, it seems that from the stories about Patriarch Pavle of Serbia one could make a lot of interesting programs who would truly reveal to the world a great man. On the days of the funeral of Patriarch Alexy, the broadcast of the funeral of the Patriarch had the highest rating among non-entertainment programs: the people themselves made their choice.
This is how St. Nicholas of Serbia writes with sorrow about the feast amidst suffering: “Do you enjoy food and drink, fun and cinema, laughter and jokes when you mentally reach the Manchurian fields and see frozen, bloody, hungry and bestial people, descendants of the same progenitor, from which your people and we are descended? Every evening you listen to the radio and think that from his chatter you become smarter. The most important thing that could be reported by radio today is the groans of thousands of wounded and dying, the sobs of mothers, widows and children of two great powers. All of them are the same as you, people, living souls, thirsting for life and happiness. And above them the same sun shines as above you. And just like you, the weeping eye of God looks at them.”
In this article, we would like to talk about mourning traditions, mourning etiquette, as well as bring interesting historical facts about mourning.
What does mourning mean?
Emotional grief for a person who has passed away is also manifested in external expression: in clothes, emotional behavior.
Each nation at all times had its own peculiarities of wearing mourning clothes and their own mourning customs. Each nation in its own way shows sadness, grief over the untimely loss of a loved one. Black color in mourning is generally accepted in Christianity. It is commonly believed that black is a universal color in the expression of grief. Dressing the mourner in black is a tribute to grief and respect for the deceased.
An interesting fact is that in ancient times, wearing black mourning clothes in the event of the death of a loved one was associated not with the idea of expressing respect and grief, but with a superstitious fear of him. It was believed that the spirit of a deceased relative would not be able to recognize them if they dressed in black and could not take them away. The veil on the face was also supposed to mislead the spirits so that they would leave the soul of the one hiding behind the veil alone and not drag it with them to the underworld. Many of the superstitious traditions have come with us to modern times, it is still customary to hang mirrors in the house during funerals, according to one of the beliefs, if the mirrors are left uncovered, after a while you can see the deceased in the reflection.
Samples of mourning clothes of the 17th century
Over time, mourning clothes finally acquired the meaning that we give them today - a sign of mourning.
Modern mourning clothes
There is mourning clothes white color, as an antipode to the symbol of night, death. White is considered a color that personifies divinity, light, purity, truth. This color in mourning clothes is common in India and other countries. South-East Asia.
In China, along with white, pink, red-pink and red-violet are also considered mourning, in Egypt it is yellow, for Persians - brown, for gypsies - red.
How much mourning is required?
The duration of mourning is always determined by the mourner himself, and the deeper the feeling of grief from the loss dear person the longer the mourning lasts. There is nothing shameful in the fact that a person can soon find the strength to live on and get out of their mourning.
Mourning implies that people in mourning, for the entire period of mourning, refuse all entertainment and entertainment. Previously, it was believed that the exit from mourning should be preceded by sending all your friends and acquaintances postcards informing about this intention in advance. For as long as such a message is not sent, on its own initiative, society will not risk violating the privacy of a grieving person.
These traditions are reasonable. Mourning clothes serve as a kind of protection for the grieving person. The veil will hide the sad face and tears of a woman in mourning from curious prying eyes. At the sight of mourning, a careless or heartless person, at least, will not be able to ignore the misfortune of another or show disrespect to the deceased. So the rules good manners within the framework of mourning etiquette were fully respected.
Previously, the mourning period for a widow lasted 18 months. The first six months were supposed to wear dull-colored clothes with a white collar and cuffs. Ladies hat - brimless with a long veil. The absence of beads and flowers in the clothes indicated that the mourner was absorbed in deep grief, and not in her appearance. Dark gray kid gloves were worn during the early days of mourning. In the following days it was possible to switch to silk, especially in summer. After six months, clothes of dull colors could be replaced with dresses with discreet trimmings.
After the first year of mourning, a lady, instead of a hat with a long heavy veil, was allowed a lighter option, such as a silk headdress. It was allowed to wear hats of various styles. As a sign of mourning, mourning flowers were worn in the hands and on the wrists. Other colors of the toilet were allowed - gray and purple, mauve, black and white, trimmed with embroidery and black amber beads.
Men in those days usually wore dark monochrome suits, which were suitable for both mourning and office. It was accepted that widowers stopped mourning and went out into society much earlier than widows.
At the discretion of the parents, sometimes children were dressed in mourning clothes. The girl was sewn the same dress that her mother would wear. For example, for semi-mourning, the dress and hat were trimmed with a black bandage, and the buttons on the dress were made of black amber.
Servants usually mourned for the head of the family, but sometimes for other family members as well.
A grief happened in your family - a person died. What to do?
Christianity does not like the word "death" very much. It exudes grave cold and hopelessness. We use other expressions, for example, dormition.
Dormition - sleep, falling asleep. The body fell asleep in a deathly sleep, but the soul is alive, the soul is awake ...
Or another word - resignation. We pray for the newly-departed servant of God. Was with us - moved to another world.
For Christians, death is just a transition to another level of being, a departure to God. And a funeral for Christians is not a terrible farewell to a person who was, and now he is gone, but a farewell to another world of a loved one, whose soul is immortal.
And we must lead a person beyond the borders of the earthly world with dignity. A worthy farewell is a church burial.
It is performed only on a baptized Orthodox person.
Go to any temple and talk to the women selling candles or the priest. There you will be told how to organize a funeral, how to order a commemoration. All this is a well-thought-out and, if I may say so, well-established procedure, so that you will be treated with attention and delicacy and will not be tormented by bureaucratic nit-picking (as is often the case in government bodies).
We usually bury the funeral in the temple on the day of the funeral. Then the deceased is taken to the cemetery, and in the temple his name remains recorded for church commemoration. They pray for him.
What are the types of prayers for the deceased?
A lot of them. For example, a memorial service is a small service during which we ask God to forgive the sins of the deceased, to accept him into the Kingdom of Heaven. (It is memorial services that are served in cemeteries when we invite a priest to visit the grave.)
The highest form of commemoration is at the Liturgy. Then the commemorated people become participants in Communion, unite with Christ. At any Liturgy, the living who are in the church (for example, you and me) commune with the soul, and all those for whom they pray, even if the person has died, partake of the soul.
In candle stalls where notes are accepted, they usually write: “To mass” or “To proskomedia”. This is exactly what commemoration at the Liturgy means.
What is a magpie?
And this is the commemoration of the deceased at the Liturgy, which will be performed for 40 days. (I’ll clarify: many people think that the magpie commemoration is ordered only for the dead. This is not so: for the magpie, they also serve about health.)
In addition, you can order a commemoration for six months, a year, and even ... forever. Eternal remembrance is the remembrance of a person, which will be performed in this temple as long as the temple stands. (After the revolution, when churches and monasteries were closed and books were seized from them, memorial lists from pre-Mongol times were found.)
Excuse me, but if the person was not baptized?..
We can only pray for an unbaptized person ourselves - at home or in church. In the notes submitted for remembrance, we do not write the names of the unbaptized. This does not mean that such a person is cursed, as one sometimes hears from ignorant people. (I myself have unbaptized relatives, whom I remember with warmth and love.) It’s just that the Church prays during worship only for its members, people who want to be Christians, or those for whom this decision was made by parents (if a person was baptized in infancy) !
What do the 3rd, 9th, 40th days after death mean?
I won't talk about it in detail, but these are special days for the soul that has been separated from the body. These days, as well as on the anniversary of death (this is, as it were, a new birthday, that is, a birth on new life) you need to come to the temple and pray for the deceased.
How long to mourn?
A few days ago a woman came to my temple and asked for a blessing to get married. At the same time, she added: "I am a widow." I asked when she buried her husband. "It's been almost six months now..."
This is the very example when we do something wrong ... Until the year we pray for the deceased as a newly reposed, at the same time you can wear mourning. Although there are such losses that even after many years it is difficult to come to terms with the loss ...
In conclusion, I would like to recall the words of St. Theophan the Recluse, our patriotic ascetic of the 19th century. He once said: "Let's cry for the deceased ... But cry like a Christian!" This means that in our tears there should be no hopelessness and despair. This separation is not forever, but only for a while. In due time we will all meet beyond the threshold of this life.”
Moreover! The person who “left” us can participate in our life, he hears our requests, he loves us. When we pray for the deceased, by this we establish a connection with him, as if extending a hand of support to him.
Lastly, we will all stand before God. And let us give Him an answer in the way we lived. While it is not too late, while it is still possible to fix something (when we die, there will be nothing to fix), to repent, to change for the better - let's use this opportunity.
