Thoughts from the diaries of Leo Tolstoy
1881-1910

Compiled by V. S. Anyanov ( [email protected])

Volgodonsk
2014

Foreword

Tolstoy's literary heritage is truly priceless. All over the world admire his genius artistic creations. But in the shadow of this glory are other works of the author, which Tolstoy himself valued much higher than "War and Peace" and "Anna Karenina". These are articles, collections of sayings, letters and diaries written after the spiritual break experienced by the writer in the second half of the 70s of the XIX century. Half in jest, Tolstoy said that his artistic compositions-- this is an advertising sign to attract the public to its real important works. From creativity late period perhaps the least known a wide range readers are left with the writer's diaries. Tolstoy's diaries amaze with their depth, originality of thinking and variety of topics covered. Hard to find any important side public or private life, which would not excite the writer and was not reflected in the pages of his diaries. However, Tolstoy was most interested in religious and moral issues, because it is in religion, and what follows from it. moral behavior he saw the good human life. We may agree or disagree with the convictions reached by Tolstoy the thinker, but one thing is indisputable: Tolstoy's diary is completely sincere. Tolstoy wrote this about his diaries shortly before his death recent years: "The diaries ... can have some significance, at least in those fragmentary thoughts that are set forth there. And therefore, publishing them, if everything accidental, obscure and superfluous is released from them, can be useful to people." Fulfilling the will of Tolstoy, releasing "everything random, obscure and superfluous", this book invites the reader to get acquainted with the religious and philosophical reflections of the great thinker from his diaries of 1881-1910. 1881-1883 May 5, 1881 The family is flesh. Leaving your family is the second temptation - to kill yourself. The family is one body. But resist the 3rd temptation - serve not the family, but one God. The family is an indicator of the place on the economic ladder that a person should occupy. She is flesh. Just as a weak stomach needs light food, so a weak, spoiled family needs more than a family accustomed to hardship. May 6, 1881 No wonder the proverb: money is hell. The Savior walked with the disciples. "Go along the road, crosses will come, don't go to the left - there is hell." Let's see what the hell. Went. There is a pile of gold. "He said - hell, and we found a treasure." You can't take it on yourself. Went to get a supply. Dispersed and think: it is necessary to share. He sharpened one knife, baked the other donut with poison. They agreed, one stabbed him with a knife, killed him, his donut jumped out - he ate it. Both disappeared. May 15, 1881 State. "Yes, I don't care what toys you play, as long as there is no evil because of the game." May 18, 1881 Seryozha says: Christ's teaching is all known, but difficult. I say: you can't say "difficult" to run from a burning room through a single door. May 21, 1881 Dispute: "good is conditional", that is, there is no good - only instincts. May 22, 1881 Continuation of the conversation about the conditionality of good. The good that I am talking about is that which it considers good for itself and for everyone. May 29, 1881 -- Christian teaching impossible. - So it's nonsense? - No, but not feasible. - Did you try to do it? - No, but not feasible. June 28, 1881 Talk about God. They think what to say: I don't know this, it can't be proved, I don't need this, that this is a sign of intelligence and education. Whereas this is a sign of ignorance. "I don't know any planets, nor the axis on which the earth rotates, nor some incomprehensible eclictic, and I don't want to take it on faith, but I see the sun is walking, and the stars are somehow walking." After all, it is very difficult to prove the rotation of the earth and its path, and mutation, and the prelude to the equinoxes, and there is still much that is unclear and, most importantly, difficult to imagine, but the advantage is that everything is reduced to unity. Similarly, in the realm of moral and spiritual - to reduce to unity the questions: what to do, what to know, what to hope for? The whole of humanity is struggling to bring them to unity. And suddenly to separate everything reduced to unity seems to people a merit that they boast of. Who is guilty? We diligently teach them the rites and the law of God, knowing in advance that this will not withstand maturity, and a multitude of knowledge that is not connected in any way. And everyone is left without unity, with disparate knowledge, and they think that this is an acquisition. July 1, 1881 Talk about the need to forgive offenders. Reads the Gospel: and who wants to take your shirt... Laughs. Well, is that said for laughs? - Well, that's the way it should be done... July 3, 1881 I can't cope with my illness. Weakness, laziness and sadness. Activity is needed, the goal is enlightenment, correction and union. Enlightenment I can direct to others. Correction - on yourself. Connecting with the enlightened and reforming. July 10, 1881 Turgenev is afraid of the name of God, but recognizes it. Naively calm, in luxury and idleness of life. October 5, 1881 1) A month has passed - the most painful in my life. Moving to Moscow. Everything is arranged. When will they start living? Everything is not in order to live, but for the fact that people are like that. Unhappy! And there is no life. Stink, stones, luxury, poverty, depravity. The villains who have robbed the people have gathered, recruited soldiers and judges to guard their orgy, and are feasting. The people have nothing more to do than, taking advantage of the passions of these people, to lure back the loot from them. Men are better at it. The women are at home, the peasants are rubbing the floors and bodies in the baths, they are driven by cabs. 2) Poor Solovyov, without understanding Christianity, condemned it and wants to invent it better. Chatter, chatter without end. December 22, 1882 If you love God, the good (it seems I am beginning to love him), you love, that is, you live by him - you see happiness in him, you see life in him, then you also see that the body interferes with true good - not for good itself, but for seeing it, its fruits. If you start looking at the fruits of goodness, you stop doing it, moreover, by looking at it, you spoil it, become conceited, and become discouraged. Only then what you have done will be truly good when you are not there to spoil it. But make more of it. This, this, knowing that it is not you, man, who will reap. One sows, the other reaps. You, man, Lev Nikolaevich, you can't reap. If you begin not only to reap, but to weed, you will spoil the wheat. Sey, this. And if you sow God's, then there can be no doubt that it will grow. That which before seemed cruel, that it was not given to me to see the fruits, is now clear that not only is it not cruel, but it is good and reasonable. How could I know the true good - God's - from the untrue, if I, a man of the flesh, could enjoy its fruits? Now it's clear; what you do without seeing a reward, and do it lovingly, is probably God's. This and this, and God will increase, and you will reap, not you, man, but what sows in you. January 1, 1883 1) As soon as I wake up, thoughts often come to me, understandings of what was previously confused, so I rejoice - I feel that I have advanced. So one of these days - property. I couldn't figure out what she was. Property, as it is now, is evil. And property in itself is joy in the fact that what I have done is good. And it became clear to me. There was no spoon, there was a log, I invented, worked hard and cut out a spoon. What is the doubt that she is mine? Like this bird's nest is its nest. She wants to use it however she wants. But property protected by violence - by a policeman with a pistol - is evil. Make a spoon and eat with it, but no one else needs it yet. It is clear. The difficult question is that I made a crutch for my lame man, and a drunkard takes a crutch to break down their doors. Asking a drunkard to leave a crutch. One. The more people who will ask, the more likely the crutch will remain with the one who needs it more. 2) To-day Gudovich has died. She died completely, and I and we all died for a year, for a day, for an hour. We live, therefore we die. To live well is to die well. New Year! I wish myself and everyone a good death. 1884 No date 1) Chinese proverbs: And the mouse will not drink from the river Moreover that will fit into the belly (wealth). What can not be said, it is better not to do. God won't help if you miss. When you feel thirsty, there is no time to dig a well. Sweet words are poison, bitter ones are medicine. The egg is still strong, but if it hatches, the chicken will hatch. Whoever strikes at the best will achieve good things, and whoever strikes only at the good will never reach it. Stop your hands, stop your mouth. Tar barrel only for tar. Kindness will bind you stronger than duty. To live on other people's money is a short time, to work on others is a long time. Open the book and find out something. Real man always like a child. Not the judge who plays, but who watches. Happiness for a smart person is joy, and for a fool - grief. Reproach yourself for what you reproach others for, and forgive others for what you forgive yourself for. 2) From Laotsi: When a person is born, he is flexible and weak; when he is strong and strong, he dies. When trees are born, they are flexible and tender. When they are dry and tough, they die. Fortress and strength are the companions of death. Flexibility and weakness are companions of life. Therefore, what is strong does not win. When the tree has become strong, it is cut down. That which is strong and great is insignificant; what is flexible and weak is important. 3) I have now read the middle and new story short textbook. Is there a worse reading in the world? Is there a book that could be more harmful for young men to read? And they teach her. I read it and for a long time could not wake up from longing. Murder, torture, deceit, robbery, adultery and nothing more. They say that a person needs to know where he came from. Did each of us come out of there? That, from where I and each of us came out with his worldview, that is not in this story. And there is nothing for me to teach. Just as I carry within me all the physical traits of all my ancestors, so I carry within me all that work of thought (the real history) of all my ancestors. I and each of us always know her. It is all in me, through the gas, the telegraph, the newspaper, the matches, the conversation, the view of the city and the countryside. Bring this knowledge to consciousness? -- yes, but for this we need a history of thought - completely independent of that history. That story is a rough reflection of the real one. The Reformation is a crude, accidental reflection of the work of thought, freeing humanity from darkness. Luther with all the wars and Bartholomew nights has no place between Erasmus, Boîtie, Rousseau, etc. 4) From the Vedas: Whether they are horses, cows, people, elephants, everything that lives, walks, swims and flies, everything that does not even move like trees and herbs, all these are the eyes of the mind. Everything is created by the mind. The world is the eye of reason, and reason is its basis. Mind is one entity. Man, surrendering to reason and serving it, descends from this world of phenomena into the world of blissful and free and becomes immortal. 5) Confucius does not mention Shang-ti - a personal God, but always only about the sky. And here is his attitude to the spiritual world. He is asked: how to serve the spirits of the dead? He said: when you do not know how to serve the living, how will you serve the dead? They asked about death: when you don't know life, what do you ask about death? They asked: do the dead know about our service to them? He said: if I said that they know, I am afraid that the living would ruin their lives serving them. If I said they didn't know, I'm afraid they'd be completely forgotten. You need not wish to know what the dead know. There is no need for this. You will know everything in due time. What is wisdom? "To give sincerely to the service of people and to stay away from what is called the spiritual world is wisdom." "To govern is to correct. If you lead the people right, who dares to live wrong?" There were many thieves. They asked: how to get rid of them? "If you yourself were not greedy, then you would pay them money, and they would not steal." They asked whether it is good for the good of the good to kill the bad? "Why kill? Let your desires be good, and everyone will be good. The highest is like the wind, and the lowest is like grass. The wind blows, the grass bends." The whole question is what and whom to consider the highest. Consider the highest, raise, respect the good. To consider inferior, to lower, to despise evil - without deals. March 9, 1884 Gurevich, an emigrant (Jew), came. He wants to find a common link between Jews and Russians. It has long been found. Sometimes I'm sad that firewood doesn't burn. Exactly if they caught fire in front of me, it would not be clear sign that it is not firewood that is burning, but arson, and they did not start. March 10, 1884 1) Andryusha spilled ink. I began to reproach. And sure enough, I had a wicked face. Misha immediately left. I began to call him; but he did not go, and at once busied himself with drawing pictures. After that I sent him to Tanya's room to ask about Masha. Tanya called out angrily to him. He left immediately. I sent it again. He said no, I don't want to, I want to be with you. Where they get angry, it's not good. He leaves from there, but he does not get angry, does not get upset. And his joys and occupations of life are not disturbed by this. That's what it should be. As Laozi says, like water. There are no obstacles, it flows; dam, it will stop. A dam breaks - it will flow, a quadrangular vessel - it is quadrangular; round - it is round. That is why it is the most important and strongest of all. 2) What a stupid phenomenon Luther's reformation is. Here is the triumph of narrow-mindedness and stupidity. Salvation from original sin by faith and the vanity of good deeds banish all the superstitions of Catholicism. The teaching (terrible in its absurdity) about the relationship of church and state could only flow from stupidity. And so it flowed out of Lutheranism. 11 March 1884 The teaching of the middle of Confucius is amazing. Everything is the same as the Laots - the fulfillment of the law of nature - this is wisdom, this is strength, this is life. And the fulfillment of this law has no sound or smell. It is then - it is when it is simple, imperceptible, without effort, and then it is powerful. Its sign is sincerity - unity, not duality. He says: Heaven always acts sincerely. I don’t know what will come of this my occupation, but it did me a lot of good. March 12, 1884 Uncertainty of desires, and therefore insincerity, and therefore impotence. How amazingly clear and powerful is the expression of Laotsi that the sky produces everything, and is powerful, because it is always sincere. March 14, 1884 Read Domestic Notes . "Psychic phenomena must enter the cycle of life." Of course, but not through this they will become known to us, only regulated they can be that we understand their connection with the cycle of life. They are the well-known, the most well-known, the well-known, which we need to recognize as known in order to solve the problems of the cycle of life. The whole cycle is true. But there is a beginning of movement and a beginning of inertia. Looking at the world, I must recognize force and matter. Trying to define both, I arrive at a metaphysical representation of the beginning of both - an incomprehensible initial force and an incomprehensible substance. I came to this nonsense only because I did not recognize the known self, which is the initial incomprehensible force and incomprehensible substance. Substance and force come into contact with the incomprehensible, but not somewhere out there, in infinite space and time, but in time, but in myself. I am a self-conscious force and a self-conscious substance, and therefore only I see the cycle of force and substance. March 15, 1884 I attribute my good moral condition to reading Confucius and, most importantly, Laotsey. It is necessary to draw up a circle of reading for yourself: Epictetus, Marcus Aurelius, Laots, Buddha, Pascal, the Gospel. This would be necessary for everyone. This is not prayer, but communion. March 16, 1884 I was reading an article by Gurevich. Badly written. The tone of the emigrant is cheeky and obscure. The change in the worldview of a Jew is interesting. Yes, it is unprofitable to exchange a synagogue with the Talmud for a gymnasium with grammar. The apparent advantage is only that in the gymnasium and the university they believe in nothing - you become free from everything, but this is not pleasant for a long time. It's like taking off a dress in winter. At first, it will seem easier. March 18, 1884 A Jew brought a letter. I read the letter. Weird. This is the 3rd Jew speaking to me. One thing is common to all. They feel that their faith, however mutilated, is faith, and better than the unbelief of progress. This one seems to be the most serious. But everyone has some kind of hasty excitement. They flash, but don't burn. March 19, 1884 1) The driver is drunk, foul-mouthed, hefty. Now about obscene ... What to do with these? Their name is legion. This is Horace at its best. Confucius is right, only not the violence of power, but the violence of persuasion - the arts - the churches, the rites of life, fun, certain customs, which would be easy for them to obey. But be sure to obey. They themselves cannot. All of them are women. 2) Gurevich came. He is a writer without his own thoughts. The best verification of a person: he will leave and there is nothing to remember. 22 March 1884 I am sad that my business is not growing. It's like being sad that what you have sown does not sprout immediately, that the grains are not visible. It is true that there is no watering. Watering would be - firm, clear deeds, in the name of teaching. They don't exist, because God doesn't want them yet. March 23, 1884 Sat down for translation Urusoґva. Uneven. Often very bad. I don't know what

Tolstoy Lev Nikolaevich

diaries

Lev Nikolayevich Tolstoy

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March 17.[Kazan.] It's been six days since I entered the clinic, and it's been six days since I'm almost satisfied with myself. [...] Here I am completely alone, no one interferes with me, here I have no service, no one helps me, therefore, nothing extraneous has an influence on reason and memory, and my activity must necessarily develop. But the main benefit is that I clearly saw that a disorderly life, which most of the secular people take as a consequence of youth, is nothing but a consequence of early depravity of the soul.

Solitude is equally useful for a person living in society, as society is for a person who does not live in it. Separate a person from society, he ascends into himself, and how soon his mind throws off his glasses, which showed him everything in a false form, and how his view of things becomes clear, so that it will even be incomprehensible to him how he did not see everything before . Leave reason to act, it will show you your destination, it will give you the rules with which you can boldly go into society. Everything that is in accordance with the pre-eminent ability of man - reason, will be equally consistent with everything that exists; intelligence individual person is a part of everything that exists, and a part cannot upset the order of the whole. The whole can kill the part. To do this, shape your mind so that it is consistent with the whole, with the source of everything, and not with a part, with a society of people; then your mind will merge into one with this whole, and then the society, as a part, will not have an influence on you.

It is easier to write ten volumes of philosophy than to apply any one principle to practice.

March 18. I have read Catherine's "Instruction" and, since I have generally given myself the rule, when reading any serious essay, to ponder it and write out wonderful thoughts from it, I am writing here my opinion on the first six chapters of this wonderful work.

[...] The concepts of freedom under monarchical rule are as follows: freedom, she says, is the ability of a person to do everything that he should do, and not be forced to do what he should not do. I would like to call what she understands by the word must and must not; If by the word “what ought to be done” she understands natural right, then it clearly follows that freedom can only exist in a state in whose legislation natural right does not differ in any way from positive right, the idea is absolutely correct. [...]

March 19 A passion for the sciences begins to manifest in me; although this is the noblest of human passions, but no less than that, I will never indulge in it one-sidedly, that is, completely killing the feeling and not engaging in application, only striving to form the mind and fill the memory. There is one-sidedness main reason human misfortunes. [...]

21 March. Chapter X outlines the basic rules and the most dangerous mistakes concerning pre-criminal proceedings.

At the beginning of this chapter, she asks herself a question. Where do punishments come from, and where does the right to punish come from? To the first question, she answers: "Punishments come from the necessity of protecting the laws." The second answer is also very witty. She says: "The right to punish belongs to laws alone, and only the monarch, as a representative of the whole state, can make laws." In all this "Instruction" we are constantly presented with two heterogeneous elements that Catherine constantly wanted to agree on: namely, the consciousness of the need for constitutional government and pride, that is, the desire to be the unlimited ruler of Russia. For example, when she says that in monarchical government only the monarch can have legislative power, she takes the existence of this power as an axiom, without mentioning its origin. The lower government cannot impose punishments, because it is part of the whole, and the monarch has this right, because he is the representative of all citizens, says Catherine. But is the representation of the people by the sovereign in unlimited monarchies an expression of the totality of the private, free will of citizens? No, the expression of the general will in unlimited monarchies is this: I endure a lesser evil, for if I did not endure it, I would be exposed to a greater evil.

March 24. I have changed a lot; but still not reached the degree of perfection (in studies) that I would like to achieve. I do not fulfill what I prescribe for myself; what I do, I do not do it well, I do not sharpen my memory. For this I am writing here some rules, which, it seems to me, will help me a lot if I follow them. 1) What is appointed to fulfill without fail, then fulfill it, no matter what. 2) What you do, do it well. 3) Never consult a book if you forgot something, but try to remember it yourself. 4) Make your mind constantly act with all its possible strength. 5) Read and think always out loud. 6) Don't be ashamed to tell people who are bothering you that they are bothering you; first let him feel, and if he does not understand, then apologize and tell him this. In accordance with the second rule, I want to finish commenting on Catherine's entire mandate.

[...] Chapter XIII deals with needlework and trade. Catherine rightly notes that agriculture is the beginning of all trade and that in the land where people do not have their own property, agriculture cannot flourish; for people usually care more about things that belong to them than about things that can always be taken away from them. This is the reason why agriculture and commerce cannot flourish in our country as long as there is slavery; for a man who is subject to another, not only cannot be sure of permanent possession of his property, but cannot even be sure of his own fate. Then: "Skillful farmers and artisans should be given bonuses." In my opinion, it is equally necessary in the state to punish evil, as it is to reward good.

March, 25. It is not enough to turn people away from evil, they must also be encouraged to do good. Further, she says that those peoples who are lazy due to the climate should be accustomed to activity by depriving them of all means of subsistence, excluding labor; he also notes that these peoples are usually inclined to pride, and that this very pride can serve as a tool for the extermination of laziness. Peoples that are lazy in climate are always endowed with ardent feelings, and if they were active, the state would be more unhappy. Catherine would have done better if she had said: people, not nations. And in fact, applying her remarks to private individuals, we find that they are extremely true.

Then she says that in populous countries, machines that replace the hands of workers are often unnecessary and harmful, and that it is extremely necessary to use machines for exported needlework, because those peoples to whom we sell them can buy the same goods from neighboring peoples.

I think quite the contrary, machines for handicrafts circulating within the state are infinitely more useful than machines for handicrafts of exported goods. For machines for handicrafts of general use, by making these needleworks much cheaper, would improve the condition of citizens in general; while exported goods bring benefits to only one private person. It seems to me that the reason for the poverty of the lower class in England is this: firstly, they do not have landed property, and, secondly, because all attention there is exclusively directed to foreign trade.

Publications in the Literature section

Lazy like Leo Tolstoy

Do you dream of literary fame, but can't start writing? They interfere with self-love, bad habits and laziness? We reread the diaries of Leo Tolstoy, remember how he struggled with procrastination, and begin to move towards a great goal.

Ivan Kramskoy. Portrait of L.N. Tolstoy (detail). 1873. State Tretyakov Gallery

Get yourself a diary

Leo Tolstoy kept diaries for most of his life. In them, he not only described the events, but also talked about his own moral character, literature and the high purpose of the writer. If you decide to keep a diary like Leo Tolstoy, you will have to talk to yourself in it - first of all, set goals for the future:

Reproach yourself for doing nothing and immediately be inspired by other people's examples:

March 21, 1855. Did not do anything. I received a delightful letter from Masha, in which she describes to me her acquaintance with Turgenev. Sweet, glorious letter that elevated me to own opinion and motivating.

Write down various obscenities and nostalgic for your early works:

June 4, 1856. I got up at 5, walked, I confess, with terribly erotic thoughts. Read the first poems of Pushkin. Then he sorted through his old notebooks, an incomprehensible but sweet game.

Be sure to write down the rules by which you intend to live in your diary.

December 1853 - January 1854
“Is it bad, it’s good to always work”, “Get up before sunrise”,
“Write always and everything clearly and clearly”, “In the morning, determine the activities for the day and try to fulfill them”.

Rules can apply not only to work, but also to your moral character in general:

Just fix them, even if you feel in your gut that following the rules will not always work out.

Confess to yourself your worst vices

Be honest with yourself: you need to know your own vices, like enemies, by sight. Prioritize and start eradicating character flaws:

September 6, 1854. The most important thing in my life is the correction from laziness, irritability and spinelessness. Love for everyone and contempt for yourself!

At the same time, no one forbids later to rethink the vices and accept yourself as you are. Or at least separate the relative shortcomings from the absolute ones.

July 14, 1855. Perhaps I will not rework my character, but will do only one important stupidity out of the desire to rework it. Is indecision a capital flaw - one that needs to be corrected?<...>There are absolute shortcomings, such as: laziness, lies, irritability, selfishness, which are always shortcomings..

Practice your vices constantly. Take a break from the main business

They sat down to work, but your friend Gorchakov came? Rejoice in this! Do you like your mustache? Look at them in the mirror, and then write it all down in your diary.

July 11, 1854... Just before evening, I wrote very little. Why? Laziness, indecision and passion to look at their mustaches and fistulas. For which I make two reproaches to myself.

Get up late, get irritated. Take out on loved ones. In winter, you can afford to mope, especially critical situations- even guess. Break your own rules. And don't forget to write about it in your diary - for yourself and your future biographers.

January 9, 1854. 1) I got up late. 2) Got excited, nailed Alyoshka. 3) Lazy. 4) Was messy. 5) Was sad.

January 10 and 11, 1854. I got up very late and could not do anything because of the cold.<...>After dinner he went to Zhukevich's and spent the whole evening and night carelessly.
<...>

1) rolled around. 2) Lost heart. 3) Got angry - hit the cat and 4) forgot about the rules at all. 5) Guessing.

Lose the last money in cards. Always state to yourself that it's in last time. Hope that God will save you from troubles. Although it is possible that by this time you have already managed to lose your house in Yasnaya Polyana.

January 28, 1855. For two days and two nights I played shtoss. The result is understandable - the loss of everything - the Yasnaya Polyana house. It seems there is nothing to write - I am so disgusted with myself that I would like to forget about my existence.

February 6, 7, 8, 1855. Played cards again and lost another 200 rubles with silver. I can’t give myself a word to stop, I want to win back, but together I can get terribly confused ... I’ll offer Odakhovsky to play tomorrow, and this will be the last time.

February 12, 1855. Again lost 75 p. God still has mercy on me so that there are no troubles; but what's next? One hope for him!

If you are too lazy to do something, be sure to write about it in your diary. Point out this fact as often as you can. Perhaps, in the end, you will just get tired of being lazy and you will get down to business.

July 12, 1855. The whole day I did not write anything, I read Balzac, I was busy only with a new box. 1) laziness, 2) laziness, 3) laziness ...

Make Flaws Serve Your Purpose

Remember, you somehow lamented that pride and vanity are one of your main vices? Look at them with different eyes. If your constant enemies are laziness and irritability, then it is vanity that will help overcome them.

Compare yourself to one of your co-workers. First of all, with someone who writes a lot and productively and, perhaps, has already bought himself an old castle in France for royalties.

Constantly remind yourself how much you want to be famous. If you have both a healthy writing vanity and high goal is a huge plus.

September 17, 1855. Still, the only, main and prevailing over all other inclinations and occupations should be literature. My goal - literary fame. The good that I can do with my writings...

Quit your job and get married

Be more decisive. Resign to focus on a literary career.

September 17, 1855. ... Tomorrow I'm going to Koroles and ask for my resignation, and in the morning I'm writing "Youth".

At some point, admit to yourself: you will be lost if you do not start doing something. And start small.

Get married. Even if you think that it is not necessary at all, and you will be even more distracted. Write about it later in your diary.

August 28, 1862. I'm 34 years old. I got up with a habit of sadness ... I worked, I wrote in vain in letters to Sonya ... A bad mug, don’t think about marriage, your calling is different, and a lot was given.

Love and marriage can help you put your life in order.

February 8, 1863. We are in Yasnaya... I feel so good, so good, I love her so much. The economy and affairs of the magazine are good ... How everything is clear to me now ... Everything is her. She does not know and will not understand how she transforms me, without comparison, more than I do her..

And when you start writing your most famous novel, your wife may even help you. For example, rewriting drafts clean while you compose new chapters. Isn't that good luck for a writer?

It is very scary to take on such a topic as "The Diaries of Leo Tolstoy." First, hundreds smart people spent years studying the life and work of Lev Nikolaevich. Is it possible to say something new or interesting? Secondly, the power of Lev Nikolaevich began to dissolve me in itself, absorb and subordinate me to its will. She barely got out, it was not easy to comprehend what the diaries were for Tolstoy himself.

My wonderful literature teacher once resolved the ethical dilemma, “is it good, is it possible to read other people’s letters and diaries”, saying that within the framework of studying literature, it’s good and possible, because it was the will of the authors themselves, otherwise they would destroy this intimate part his literary heritage. Lev Nikolaevich was not against the publication of his diaries, but he revised his attitude to this issue several times. In his declining years, he did not want to leave the diaries of his youth. In them, in his opinion, there was too much "nasty", but then he changed his mind and kept it. But some of the material was still removed from the diaries at the request of his wife, Tolstoy removed more than four dozen places where he spoke unflatteringly about her.

The writer's diaries are not his novels. In the diaries you come across something completely different. It's amazing how different art word from everyday writing in the mouth of the same person, in our case - brilliant writer. And even if we are talking about sublime things: about God, about philosophy, about the Spirit and the soul - it comes out unbearably dull and flat. It was with such feelings that I dug into Tolstoy's diaries. The writer encouraged me with sharp remarks addressed to someone or outbursts of self-flagellation.

Young Leo begins his diary in a clinic in Kazan. The diagnosis of neurasthenia brought the young man to the hospital bed. To some extent, Tolstoy had problems with the emotional sphere throughout his life. Severe bouts of depression panic attacks(remember at least the “Arzamas horror”), phobias (he was afraid to pick up babies to the point of trembling) - all this was. And he had to turn to doctors for help and be seriously treated.

Probably, if you give Tolstoy to be torn apart by psychiatrists and psychologists, they will disassemble him into atoms. And if you give it to anthropologists or sociologists, not to mention literary critics and historians - and even more so. What if you manage to crack through this tough nut and understand what kind of person Tolstoy was, what is the mystery of his talent?!

There is just no point in such proceedings. Because Tolstoy is a phenomenon. And a phenomenon, as you know, is something that exists without our previous knowledge about him without further interpretation. A phenomenon is alive, interesting and valuable only as long as it is complete. Plunging into the world of Tolstoy's diaries, I became convinced that, most likely, this is the right idea. But at the same time, I had almost no chance not to slide into vulgarity and banality, drawing some of my own conclusions.

Oddly enough, Vladimir Ilyich Lenin came to the rescue, because he gave a very interesting definition Tolstoy and in the context of this problem of comprehension of the phenomenon, it seems that the most accurate. In a conversation with Gorky about Tolstoy, he once exclaimed: “What a block, huh? What a hardened human being! This, my friend, is an artist ... And, you know, what else is amazing? Prior to this, there was no real muzhik in literature.” The epithets "lump" and "hardened human being" are somehow inhuman. Lenin perceived Tolstoy as a phenomenon, not dividing in him a man and a writer. Of course, he used it for selfish purposes, dragged the “mirror of the Russian revolution” to Olympus and used it for utilitarian purposes. He very sharply swept aside all the "non-format" - Tolstoy-squishy, ​​non-resistance to evil by violence and vegetarian rice patties. But at the same time, the first edition complete collection Tolstoy's writings after the revolution (in 90 volumes) were initiated by Lenin, instructing: "Tolstoy will have to be completely restored, printing everything that the tsarist censorship crossed out." However, the volumes containing the writer's diaries and letters came out prudently in a small print run - only 5,000 copies. Out of harm's way, the workers and peasants will suddenly read it and be embarrassed by a weak mind.

Let's get back to the diaries. It all starts with “programmatic” statements: you need to come up with rules , tofulfill rules, oh, I didn’t follow, I was busy with other things, I need to come up with rules , tofulfill rules to enforce the rules...

But rereading his early diaries from time to time, the writer is satisfied and decides to continue, as he sees in this lesson undeniable benefit for himself, only he is able to discern the signs by which he determined his growth in these records.

The degree of detail in Tolstoy's description of his life is very modest. But if they meet, then only mean remarks or omissions at all, this does not mean that the author has gone on a spree, is idle or barking, although this has happened. Most often, this means that a gigantic inner work is being done, ideally t t creative process. There is a gap of 13 years, with occasional digressions. Shortly after the writer got married, the diary was abandoned. Perhaps partly because Tolstoy gave the diaries to his young bride to read before the wedding? And there was everything. Including card debts, and drunken parties, and passions, and Tolstoy's promise: "In my village I will not have a single woman, except for some cases that I will not look for, but I will not miss." Thus, the diary was “defiled” twice, in my opinion, by the fact that it was read by another person, and by the fact that now it would be necessary to write something else in it, because after marriage there came another, better, “clean” stage of life. Tolstoy preferred to remain silent. But it was an extremely active, fruitful period in every sense.

Desperate to comprehend the greatness of Tolstoy, I succumbed to simple curiosity, decided to find out how he reacted to his birthday. Many people love their birthday. Some hate. With age, this day has another meaning - an exciting milestone, summing up for a certain period.

Tolstoy is almost indifferent to such sentiments. Here, for example, is the entry for August 28, 1852: “I am 24 years old; and I haven't done anything yet. I feel that it is not for nothing that for eight years now I have been struggling with doubt and passions. But what am I assigned to? This will open the future. Killed three snipe." And here is an excerpt from an entry made almost forty years later on his birthday: “August 28. Yasnaya Polyana. 90. I am 63 years old. And ashamed, h then that 1890: 63 = 30, and that 28 years of my marriage, that these figures seemed to me something significant, and I was waiting for this year as significant. I got up late…” It seems to me that Tolstoy let the line down every day, assessing himself strictly and constantly. Therefore, there is no binding to dates, anniversaries, he does not expect anything from them.

In the diaries one can find frequent and very harsh criticism of oneself, for the slightest error or imperfection - merciless self-flagellation. Tolstoy is sharp on the tongue and in relation to other people. He spares neither friends, nor relatives, nor famous colleagues. The entry dated August 25, 1862 made me laugh: “Melancholy at home. Wrote an article. Went to walk and drive. Krasnokutsky (bad thoughts). Pleshcheev (poor nature). Pogodin - glorious old age and life. A wonderful night ... Kokhanovskaya is a bitch, and all the bitches dried up in the crinoline. Or the line completely discouraged: “I read the second part of Dead Souls, luridly” (08/28/1857).

The phenomenon of Tolstoy remains a mystery to me, but the accumulated knowledge creates the illusion of understanding. Yes, you can find out that Leo Nikolayevich Tolstoy - lost his mother early, was widely an educated person, although he did not graduate from the university, he was constantly engaged in self-education in all areas, read a lot, translated, wrote moralizing and religious-philosophical articles, huge novels, fairy tales, searched for God, unraveled the meaning of life, doubted endlessly, built schools, published a magazine, plowed and sowed, collected money to send sectarians abroad, argued with the church and authorities, created his own doctrine, became father of many children, played excellent chess, skillfully skated, fought bravely, was treated for depression with koumiss, quarreled with the classics, became a classic himself, lived a long life, did what he wanted, and felt bound … But you open his novel and disappear. And I no longer want to understand Tolstoy. I manage to find myself when I read his books. They do not have answers to questions, but there are new questions that move forward.

Tolstoy's diaries are his personal punishment cell, where he brought up his spirit. In his notebooks, a soft, lonely, insecure young man learned to be tough for a start, at least with himself, learned to separate feelings from thoughts, comprehended the secrets of life. In order to survive, to survive, he learned to control the violent power of the gift he had received. In order not to burn out, not to perish under its weight and pressure, he was aware in his diaries that so far he was coping with it.

In addition, I agree with the idea that a sentimental person cannot create something significant, he will not have enough strength, such a writer will not be able to kill his heroes, even if he requires a plot, he will regret everyone, flood with tears and honey. In order to create epochal, deep, penetrating books, one needs a will free from excessive sentimentality. Tolstoy was hypersensitive from birth. That is why he was able to ingeniously describe experiences, the finest emotional nuances of his characters: men and women, old people and children, animals. And he had to be tempered in order to be able to express all this. And if you want to experience the influence of the energy that Tolstoy had to deal with, read his diaries, everyday, at first glance, entries, after a while they suddenly become transparent, you can look into the abyss and shudder.

On September 9, 2014, on the occasion of Leo Tolstoy's birthday, the portal posted the writer's rarest autobiographical notes - his diaries and notebooks. The bibliographic rarity became available free of charge thanks to the crowdsourcing project "All Tolstoy in One Click", organized by State Museum L. N. Tolstoy and ABBYY.

You can download volumes containing diary entries (volumes 46 to 58) in .fb2, ePub, .mobi and HTML formats.

TOLSTOY'S DIARIES are autobiographical notes, a very peculiar in form and extremely important in content part of the writer's literary heritage. The first entry in the diary of Tolstoy, a student of Kazan University, was made in March 1847, the last - 4 days before his death - on November 3, 1910 at the Astapovo station.

31 original notebooks with Tolstoy's diary entries have been preserved - in total 4700 handwritten sheets (for comparison: the handwritten fund of the novel "War and Peace" - 5202 sheets).

When Tolstoy, with his addictive nature, was absorbed in working on some work or engaged in social work, the writing of the diary was interrupted for several months or even years. So it was at the time of the creation of "War and Peace" and "Anna Karenina". From 1855, Tolstoy kept notebooks for various kinds of short notes. 55 notebooks have been preserved.

Tolstoy believed that a diary helps a person to focus on his thoughts about life, obliges him to be frank, honest with himself: “Writing ... diaries, as I know from experience, is useful primarily for the writer himself. Here, any falsehood is now felt by you. Of course I'm talking about serious attitude and to this kind of writing” (37-38, 439).

Tolstoy's diary is preceded by autobiographical diary entries. From January 27 to March 1847, he kept a special journal, in which he distributed his classes for each day by the hour. Immediately, marks were made about the fulfillment or non-fulfillment of the planned. Most often, tasks were recorded in the journal to draw up the rules of life for oneself: it was necessary to understand, and above all for oneself, the main guiding principles of life and determine the actions arising from them. 3 manuscripts of the rules have been preserved, relating to January - March 1847. The rules allow you to look into inner world 18-year-old Tolstoy, who stubbornly tried to regulate his life.

Tolstoy began to keep a diary to monitor the development of his abilities, getting rid of weaknesses, moral self-improvement: “I never had a diary, because I did not see any benefit from it. Now, when I am engaged in the development of my abilities, from the diary I will be able to judge the course of this development ”(recorded April 7, 1847). Tolstoy's first diary the main objective which - upbringing and self-education, broke off on the record on June 16, 1847.

On March 7, 1851, in Moscow, Tolstoy begins a diary of a very special nature: “I find for the diary, in addition to determining future actions, useful purpose- a report of each day, from the point of view of those weaknesses from which you want to improve. March 8, 1851 - task to himself: “Make a journal for weaknesses. (Franklinovsky)". The "Franklinian" journal, which Tolstoy kept for several years at the same time as his diary, has not been preserved.

With his arrival in the Caucasus on May 30, 1851, writing a diary becomes a necessity for Tolstoy; he brings here all the most sincere thoughts and feelings dear to him, all his long reflections on the most important issues life. Remembering that time, Tolstoy wrote to A. A. Tolstoy at the end of April 1859: “I was lonely and unhappy living in the Caucasus. I began to think in a way that only once in a lifetime do people have the power to think. I have my notes of that time, and now, rereading them, I could not understand that a person could reach such a degree of mental exaltation that I reached then. It was both painful and good time. Never, neither before nor since, have I reached such a height of thought and looked into it, as at this time, which lasted two years. And everything that I found then will forever remain my conviction.

For several years, having already become a writer, Tolstoy stubbornly and consistently, as the diary says, is busy identifying his many weaknesses. Rereading his notes, he summarizes what he has experienced, and then harsh self-critical assessments appear: “What am I? One of the four sons of a retired lieutenant colonel, left without parents from the age of 7 under the care of women and strangers, who did not receive a secular or scientific education and was released at the age of 17, without a large fortune, without any social position and, most importantly, without rules; a person who has upset his affairs to the last extreme, without purpose and pleasure spent best years of his life, finally exiling himself to the Caucasus in order to escape from debts and, most importantly, habits, and from there, finding fault with some connections that existed between his father and the army commander, he joined the Danube army for 26 years, as an ensign, almost without funds, except for a salary (because the funds that he has, he must use to pay the remaining debts), without patrons, without the ability to live in the world, without knowledge of the service, without practical abilities; but with great pride! Yes, here is my social position. Let's see what my personality is.

I am bad-looking, awkward, unclean and worldly uneducated. I am irritable, boring to others, indiscreet, intolerant (intolerant) and bashful, like a child. I'm almost clueless. What I know, I somehow learned on my own, in fits and starts, without communication, to no avail, and that is so little. I am intemperate, indecisive, fickle, stupidly vain and ardent, like all spineless people. I'm not brave. I am careless in life and so lazy that idleness has become an almost irresistible habit for me. I am smart, but my mind has never been thoroughly tested on anything. I have neither a practical mind, nor a secular mind, nor a business mind. I am honest, that is, I love the good, I have made a habit of loving it; and when I deviate from it, I am dissatisfied with myself and return to it with pleasure; but there are things i love more good- glory. I am so ambitious and so little satisfied with this feeling that often, I am afraid, I can choose between glory and virtue first, if I had to choose between them.

These emotional, merciless self-accusations were based on rather not real, but exaggerated ideas about their shortcomings and sins. I. A. Bunin felt this very well when reading the diaries of the young Tolstoy. "Confessions, diaries... Still, one must be able to read them," he remarked in the book "Liberation of Tolstoy."

However, these penances played big role in that tireless inner work which took place in the mind of Tolstoy. The diary helped him in this. According to the mercilessly sincere and truthful entries in his diary, Tolstoy measured the level of his growth to last days life.

By December 1850, the beginning literary activity Tolstoy. But already on June 17, lines appeared on the pages of the diary, separated from the current entries by the title "Notes", and then the author's memoirs followed - the threshold and prototype of the "Notes", from which an early manuscript of the future trilogy would grow. In September 1852, his first work, the story "Childhood", was published. And besides all these goals, while preserving them, the young Tolstoy’s diary acquired another important “purpose” - literary: “The idea of ​​writing according to different books their thoughts, observations and rules are very strange. It is much better to write everything in a diary, which I try to keep regularly and cleanly, so that it makes up for me literary work, and for others could make pleasant reading(entry October 22, 1853).

A significant place in the diary begins to be occupied by "thoughts, information or notes relating to the proposed work" (entry January 2, 1854). Having entered the literary field, Tolstoy was already consciously turning the diary into workbook, where material for future compositions was accumulated and stored.

The content of Tolstoy's diary is becoming more and more diverse every year. In addition to records of own life, there are many interesting observations over the surrounding world, people, a lot of reflection on the socio-political, philosophical, ethical, aesthetic themes. In the center of the diary is the author himself, his thoughts and feelings, severe introspection, memories of the past and plans for the future. The outside world interests the writer so far mainly insofar as it affects his personality. The diary contains many deep thoughts about the people, "Russian slavery", about Crimean War, about the fate of Sevastopol and Russia - these reflections are still very closely connected with the interests of Tolstoy himself. The writer tries different kinds activities: public, as a mediator after the abolition of serfdom; pedagogical, opening in Yasnaya Polyana school for peasant children. The circle of his contacts is expanding, he meets prominent Russian writers - all this was reflected on the pages of his diary.

The diaries of August-September 1862 are filled with "sweet feeling and fullness love life". At that time, Tolstoy was experiencing the strongest love interest - at the end of September, S.A. Bers became his wife.

"Signs of striving for fresh air" Tolstoy called the diaries of his young (before marriage) years. “From them it is clear, at least, that, despite all the vulgarity and trashiness of my youth, I still was not abandoned by God and at least in my old age I began to understand and love Him at least a little,” Tolstoy wrote on March 27, 1895 .

AT later years, especially after the religious crisis at the turn of the 1880s, the center of gravity in the diary shifts to consideration of the totality vital manifestations(including their own activities) from ethical positions, essential problems of life, cardinal turns of history.

Particularly significant in content are Tolstoy's diaries. recent decades his life, when each entry begins with a listing of the events of the external and inner life the author, a description of his meetings with people, his reading, mostly with reviews of what he read, and those works that he was busy with. The diaries can be traced creative history most of Tolstoy's writings, from their inception to latest edition or reading proofs, as well as his hesitation in evaluating his works - from a sense of satisfaction with what was written to the sharpest negative judgments. Tolstoy also wrote down his realized or unrealized plans, entered in his diary responses to the events of social and political life.

For almost every diary entry followed by records of abstract thoughts according to the most various issues: literary, religious, philosophical, socio-political, aesthetic, pedagogical, etc. Tolstoy originally entered these thoughts in his notebooks, and in the last years of his life he usually had 2 notebooks: "day" and "night". The "day" notebook was always in the pocket of his blouse, the "night" notebook lay on his bedside table. In the “night” book, Tolstoy, lighting a candle, entered the thoughts that came to him at night in a state of insomnia or upon awakening. As thoughts accumulate in notebooks Tolstoy wrote them down in his diary, processing and refining them, after which fragmentary notes in notebooks grew into strong artistically expressed aphorisms or into extensive logically consistent reasoning. Only a few of Tolstoy's thoughts on various issues recorded in his diaries were developed by him in separate articles. Therefore, the writer especially valued his diaries of recent years and was ready to value them even above everything else he wrote. A few years before his death, he spoke of his diaries like this: “I thought that I was writing in a diary not for myself, but for people - mainly for those who would live when I, bodily, would not be, and that in there is nothing wrong with this. This is what I think is required of me. Well, what if these diaries burn down? Well? They are needed, maybe for others, but for me, probably, they are not just needed, but they are me. Tolstoy hoped that the publication of his notes, “if everything random, obscure and superfluous is released from them,” could be useful to people for their moral improvement and clarification of the main life issues.

Lit .: Tolstoy L. N. Philosophical diary. 1901-1910. - M., 2003; Tarasov B. N. Diaries of L. N. Tolstoy. Selected pages//"Literature at school". - 1997. - No. 1. - S. 56-67.