This amazing story happened to me in new year's eve. I will say more - at the Patriarchs. It was about 10 pm, I cheerfully walked to visit friends - to celebrate. They lived on Presnya, but I decided to walk around cheerful and drunken Moscow. He almost passed the pond, when he suddenly raised his head - he saw a girl in the window of the second floor, she opened the window. Greeted her with a joyful gesture. The girl answered. A silent dialogue ensued. Suddenly she beckoned: come in! "Why not?" I decided. Adventure. Stepped into the entrance, ran up the stairs. She has already opened the door.
And I ended up in a huge communal apartment. It was in the mid-90s, then communal apartments remained on the precious Patricks. But this one was also a hostel - people from all over the country lived there. My new girlfriend Tanya came from Udmurtia, but I don’t remember who she worked in Moscow. There was a cheerful uproar, everyone ran with bottles from room to room. Tanya brought me to her room, where about five girls were sitting at a table (boards on stools), with festively whipped curls. "ABOUT! Another guest! - the girls were delighted, they sat me on the sofa, began to feed and pour. Suddenly I noticed a boy of about five, he was watching TV. “My son,” Tanya said. Then I found out: Tanya is a single mother, dad is a distant Udmurt phantom, his son never saw him. "I don't even know where he is!" Tanya laughed. She was amazingly good. That's how we met New Year. Kissing and hugging. Then I demanded a guitar, and already for the whole apartment in the spacious kitchen, I started talking about “coachman don’t drive horses.” One of the girls shed tears, and Tanya sat nearby and looked around triumphantly: “Mine, mine, huh? Straight artist! I think her friends were terribly jealous of her.
... We live in a country of single women. It's a plague, a plague, an epidemic. Half also with children whose fathers disappeared into a hangover haze. More than 60% of our marriages fail. Dads are looking for new adventures, mothers already have enough of them. Among my friends I have many single mothers. Too scary. They are lively, businesslike, funny. They claim to be happy. Lie. They are very unhappy. They cry at night - quietly so that the children do not hear. On the bus, they look at the men around. “This one with a backpack is nothing… But this one is worse, but the eyes are kind… This one is cute, but with a ring… Damn, I have to go out!” It turns out. Out today, out tomorrow. Always. The bus smokes goodbye.
What's up with them? Why lonely? They are sweethearts, hostesses, smart people. They are happy with any fool: they will pour soup, make the bed, clean their shoes. Let him be unsightly, with a belly and a stupid laugh - if only he was nearby and not drunk. To kiss, stroke your ass and say: “Oh, what you are!” Here is happiness. That's all they need. Let him sit, smoke, watch his football. The rest is on their own.
This is where the dog is buried. They are too themselves. These women are too tough, our men are too tender. Violation of natural harmony. The men are afraid of them. They seem to be completely comfortable, but still uncomfortable. Genetic memory whispers: “Hey, dunce, get up, get down to business! You are man". But lazy. And next to this infection, it is worn - sometimes with a vacuum cleaner, then it pulls to the exhibition, then it comes up with some other stupidity. Dancing or gym. Restless. At night she wants sex. He mutters: "Head hurts ...". And she keeps jumping, the beast. No, with such a number - to be tortured. One is much calmer. Pay visits once a month: eat, take a nap, and so be it - make love. “Come on, you are on top, otherwise I was very tired while I was driving to you.”
Single women never get tired. They have more fuel than all the oil fields in the country. Still happiness - simple such as in the movies, at least a little, for one night. They don't ask for much.
I have my mother's last name and my mother raised me - on the salary of a junior researcher, typing hack work at night on an Erika typewriter to buy me a box of my favorite marshmallows in chocolate. Leaving a note every morning: “Hare, the soup is in the fridge. Don't forget to call when you get home from school!"
Mom has been dead for twenty years, her “Hare” is gray-haired, but I still hear the sound of this typewriter. By the way, I have my mother's "Erika", I can't throw away our old woman, the "nurse", with half-erased letters on the keys. Mom had suitors. I remember some fat, intelligent Uncle Petya. Came, looked around, ate. Disappeared. Uncle Petya, where are you, goat? Were you poorly served? What were you afraid of?
That is why loud feminists in our country are like bananas in the snow. Ridiculous creatures. Why the hell are feminists where any woman is cooler than a horse's balls Bronze Horseman? If you really want feminist activity, make courses for men. “Flowers - and why give them”, or “Where to buy socks yourself”, or “What are the topics, except for Putin”. Everything makes more sense.
Although nothing will ever change. Single women will watch “Moscow Does Not Believe in Tears” for centuries and wait for the miracle Gosh. Get old and cry at night. And in the morning to resort to work: “Hi! Why is everyone so gloomy? Single women are forced passionaries. Atlanta with manicure. The whole country is on them, although the Ural Range aches in the evening. They would dream of becoming languid and capricious: “Oh, I have a cup of coffee in bed” - but who will give them?
... And the story at the Patriarchs ended like this. At two o'clock in the morning, I sneaked out. He lied that he was going to the toilet, but he himself darted into the hallway, threw on his jacket, and away. Probably, Tanya was still looking for me around the apartment, in drunken rooms. His beloved artist. Then I understood everything. She grinned, returned to her son and girlfriends, raised her glass: “Well, girls? With new happiness?"
I'm lonely... Almost every third person on our planet can say or think so. Loneliness is such a state or a certain moment in life when an individual is left alone, either physically or mentally.
It's normal to experience this feeling for a while. It should be noted that often creative personalities longing to be alone with themselves. And this pastime becomes very fruitful. However, loneliness as a way of life is a very unfavorable condition for a person. It is especially problematic for men. Pain, loneliness and hopelessness are often experienced by older people.
This feeling is, as a rule, a problem of megacities and the youth living in them. Perhaps one of the reasons is the desire to draw attention to yourself and at the same time feel sorry for yourself. In any case, this is much easier to do than to acquire communication skills.
Hidden problem
Representatives of the stronger sex rarely complain of loneliness. However, the effect of this condition on men is most detrimental. One who prefers to live without a reasonable environment is likely to sink down and acquire bad habits in the form of a nocturnal lifestyle, slovenliness, gambling and alcohol.
“I'm lonely,” say those men who do not have permanent friends or a beloved woman. This is a big problem. The reasons can be divided into two large groups. It is because of them that the representatives of the stronger sex over the age of thirty do not want to have a close environment.
The first group includes pathological causes. Among them are the following:
Infantilism;
- psychopathology;
- social phobia;
- underdeveloped contacts with people;
- inadequate self-esteem.
All of these reasons may overlap. So, there are infantile personalities with inadequate self-esteem and poor communication skills. When forming relationships, it is important to be able to determine what sources the psychology of a single man has. If it is based on personal underdevelopment, then communication will have a positive impact on the chosen one. Sometimes the reasons lie in psychopathology. Then the manifestation of attention can have negative and uncontrollable consequences.
There are also such reasons for loneliness, which are classified as existential. They can be the norm and enrich inner world person. Among them, one can single out loneliness, which is an element spiritual growth; serving as part of the profession; as an indicator of self-sufficiency of the individual; part of a culture acceptable to a person.
The problem of the elderly
"I'm lonely" - so many of those who have reached old age can say. The lack of a close environment for the elderly is currently a big social problem. Often, lonely old people complain about the feeling of abandonment and lack of demand, misunderstanding and alienation that comes from young people. However, they do not feel support and care from the state.
It is in old age that the problem of loneliness of a person lies in the absence of children, relatives, grandchildren. It also consists in the fact that the old man lives separately from the young members of his family. Sadness and loneliness embrace in old age after the death of one of the spouses. Sometimes old people isolate themselves from other people because of their financial infirmity.
The solution is big enough social problem society should be taken over by the state, because the vulnerability and insecurity of the elderly do not allow them to independently find a way out of any difficult situation that has arisen in their lives.
Loneliness and health
The absence of a close environment to a large extent negatively affects the state of a person. This also applies to his health. It is worth saying that the harm from loneliness is much greater than from the common ailment of our time - obesity. American scientists published data from medical observations that allowed them to draw certain conclusions. Compared to obesity, which is detrimental to the health of the human body, loneliness is detrimental to the psyche. In order to prolong the years of his life, a person must communicate with people close to him, travel more and try to find a mate.
An interesting fact is that until the age of fifty you can be happy, even being lonely at the same time. Having crossed a half-century threshold, a person understands that he needs a soulmate or grandchildren.
female loneliness
The fair sex complains about the absence of loved ones much more often than men. There is a certain paradox in this. The phrase: "I'm lonely" is most often pronounced by those who are most surrounded by people.
A woman often experiences the absence of a close man as her inferiority. At the same time, the loneliness that the fair sex suffers from is more a feeling than a reality. This is often just a game of longing for those ladies who do not make contact, but are waiting for their prince. For women, feeling sorry for themselves and complaining about life is more familiar and easier than directing efforts to find a partner. Talking about the absence of decent men is undoubtedly easier than having a positive soul and watching your figure.
mythological type
Female loneliness at a certain moment is characterized by the absence of a man with whom the lady could live together or at least meet. For example, a single mother can be included in this category. Such a woman has a hard time in life. She works hard and is forced to independently solve all the problems that arise on her way. Such a woman, as a rule, has her own house, and she can do whatever she likes in it. For example, spending the whole day on the couch reading a book, knowing about the mountain of unwashed dishes in the kitchen.
The psychology of a single woman is that there is no need to provide an account for her actions. She is overwhelmed with feeling dignity, as it provides for itself and has the right to vote, which can be used everywhere. If the fair sex does not have inner circle then she can do everything free time give a hobby, dedicating it most life. In addition, it is much easier for a single woman to invite someone she wants to visit to visit her. Such a lady does not need to invent incredible stories after a night spent chatting with her best friend.
A single woman is psychologically independent. She is not in a state of love, but at the same time she is comfortable and good. However, she is sometimes incredibly sad in the evenings that she spends with her child or with a cat. She has the opportunity to meet her the only love However, she is in no hurry to meet her.
Beautiful Prince
A lonely woman does not have a life partner, so she is in constant search. At the same time, she has a clear idea of \u200b\u200bhow her loved one should be:
beautiful;
- high;
- rich;
- educated;
- smart;
- caring;
- responsible;
- honest;
- without children;
- held;
- unmarried.
In addition, it must contain mystery and charm. The only lover should be strong and cheerful, while being monogamous. But most importantly, it should not have any flaws. However real life not so often confronts us with princes.
myths
The psychology of a woman's loneliness pushes her to continue suffering. This is supported and various myths. So, the assertion that a chicken is not a bird, and a woman is not a person, pushes the lady to the opposite reasoning. They concern men. A certain stereotype is formed in the mind, which, of course, suggests that all men are unreliable, stupid and insensitive. Another characteristic myth is the assertion that a woman is able to stop a galloping horse and enter a burning hut. This creates a false impression of the ability to decide everything on your own. life problems without the presence of a man.
Reasons for suffering
Basically, a single woman is burdened by her freedom. She has to fight on her own. life's troubles. However, no one helps her. The woman is burdened by the holidays that she meets in the company of the same lonely girlfriends.
Sometimes such a lady wants to talk heart to heart with someone, find sympathy and complain. In addition, she has no one to turn to for help. At the same time, society can also condemn, hanging the label of an old maid on a woman.
real loneliness
Sometimes a woman has big circle relatives and close friends. They fully support it and bear a certain responsibility. At the same time, a single lady does not always work. She can be given money by her parents or ex-husband, wealthy relatives or adult children. In this regard, it cannot be completely left to itself. Sometimes obligations to relatives are much harder family relations. At the same time, it is difficult for a single woman to be an independent person. This is done for her by children, relatives or friends.
There are times when a lady purposefully strives for loneliness. This allows her to heal her wounds and regain her peace of mind.
But be that as it may, it is worth remembering that loneliness for a woman is her personal choice. This state does not mean that she is second rate or that she has done wrong things. This is an individual choice.
Advantages
I have my own positive sides. They lie in the freedom to dispose of their time. At the same time, an independent lady can afford what a woman would not dare to be married. She does not need to look for approaches to her husband and adapt to his mood. She can make a career for herself, get an education and enjoy any hobby with pleasure. woman unbound family ties, hostess herself. She not only earns money, but also distributes it as she sees fit.
The pleasure of freedom and longing - balancing between these two poles, a single woman finds many excuses not to live in a couple. But what is really behind her arguments?
It's no secret to anyone that modern society theme of loneliness sharpened almost to the limit. In a sense, loneliness business card our time. And if 30, 40, 50 or more years ago, men were more likely to support the choice in favor of loneliness (hence the jokes about how important and at the same time difficult it is to “drag” a man down the aisle), today women have picked up the baton.
It just so happens that in the 21st century female half humanity is not particularly eager to enter into relationships. Today, we can safely say that a psychology of single women which has its own reasons.
Navigation on the article "Psychology of single women or why do they choose loneliness?":
There are a lot of reasons to stay single:
- increased level of financial and social freedoms;
- wide and rapidly growing interests, whether it be social networks, all kinds of hobbies and hobbies;
- active social activity– from participation in sports marathons to charity;
- striving for professional and creative self-realization.
All this is not particularly conducive to the desire to create a couple and maintain the established union. Women “pop out” of a relationship like a cork from a bottle, often becoming the initiators of the break themselves.
Interestingly, this trend goes hand in hand with the increased number of all kinds of trainings for women over the past 10 years, trainings on relationships, trainings aimed at increasing sensuality and sexuality. Today, any teenager knows that such training programs are a wagon and a small cart!
But, despite the abundance of trainings, the fact remains that there are no created couples. Moreover, women are ready to remain single and, if necessary, defend their choice and this position. That's how it works" psychology of single women”, which originates both in the present and the past of a woman.
Can it be said that modern girl afraid of relationships? If so, what does she want to protect herself from by being single? Or, on the contrary, what is it striving for, what can not be achieved, being in a pair?
Reasons not to be in a relationship modern woman quite a lot, and they are associated with both positive and negative aspects of life.
Here are just a few of them:
- Convenience. Living alone is comfortable. There is no need to report to anyone about the time spent, about the books read and films watched, about the money earned and spent. Nobody tells you what to do. No one cares how much she eats, sleeps and how a woman lives. Which can be a pretty strong argument in favor of loneliness.
- Possibilities. A lonely life hides many opportunities. For example, the opportunity to meet “the same”, “prince”, “his man”, which is open as long as the woman is free. Or opportunities related to the profession, creativity, travel and much more. Remaining free and independent, a woman (like a man, of course) is open to many opportunities to make one or another choice.
- Habitual way of life. A woman gets used to being alone. Especially if she was able to arrange her life, if she is more or less secure and she does not need to survive on the last money, if there is concern for her health in this system of life, appearance, leisure. In this case, a woman develops the habit of living her own life, separate from a man, which is not at all easy for her to give up. This is how the "psychology of single women" is launched - women who are so comfortable in this independently arranged space, way of life, that they will think 10 times before they open themselves to relationships.
- Unwillingness to spend time and energy on relationships. The life of a free modern woman requires attention, energy, mental and physical strength. Give them to a man? She may just not want to do it. Don't consider it necessary. Don't understand why she does it. Finally, not having the resources to let a man into your life. A woman may declare that she is open to relationships, but at the same time she cannot even find time for dates. Which will mean only one thing - she is not ready to spend time and energy on another, albeit potentially close, person. And this does not mean at all that the girl is afraid of relationships. She just doesn't want them.
- Fears. Underneath this point lies a whole range of concerns. The psychology of single women is quite often formed on fears. Fear of possible emotional pain associated with the risk of opening up, but not getting reciprocated. Fear of the unknown: if relationships are perceived as a kind of minefield that you walk blindfolded, then naturally, the desire to be in them melts like snow in the bright sun. The fear of men as such, which takes its roots in childhood and in difficult relationship with Father. Fear of being insolvent in a relationship, grown on self-doubt and its female attractiveness. There are countless fears associated with relationships, and each of them affects the choice of a woman, literally urging her to “vote” against the relationship.
- Negative past experience. If a woman has had a negative relationship experience, she is more likely to not want to repeat it in the future. And he will (intentionally or unconsciously) close himself off from being with a man. In this case, we can safely say that the girl is afraid of relationships. Therefore, do not try to create them.
- unwillingness to develop. Relationships are inherently a system. The system of elements (partners) and links between them. And any system, even the simplest, in order to function more or less successfully, requires development and novelty. In the context of relationships, development is understood as the willingness to leave the zone of one's own comfort, the ability to change and change one's attitudes, to turn from "I" into "we". This is not always easy and pleasant to do, especially if there is no experience or great desire. Often a woman is simply not ready for this. Which causes a sharply negative reaction, the result of which may be an obvious or hidden, but no less desire get out of the relationship and go back to a "quiet single life."
The list of reasons that lead women to the “valley of loneliness” is much more voluminous than one might imagine. It may take more than one month to describe them. What is important is that these reasons are not always negatively colored. There are those, analyzing which it is clear: it is more expedient and better to remain alone than to strive for a relationship just to avoid the status of a “free” woman.
And yet, relationships, both for women and men, are a space within which there is an opportunity to open up in its entirety. Relationships potentially contain a resource for development individual person and couples in general. And all that is needed is to unpack this resource, carefully consider it and allow yourself and others to use it.
What contributes to this? First of all, the study of individual reasons that prevent the desire to be together with someone else. It is possible to do this on your own, but there are much more chances to effectively work out the topic of forced or conscious loneliness in contact with a specialist psychologist.
In conclusion, we can say the following with confidence: the intention to be lonely is not taken suddenly and nowhere. He always has an explanation, finding which is one of the real opportunities get out of the image of a "lonely wolf" and build a close, trusting relationship with a man, if you still feel such a desire inside.
Or, perhaps, on the contrary - to accept that at least now, in this period of life, you want to be just one, and stop judging yourself for the lack of relationships, comparing yourself with some kind of conditional norm.
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Despite the fact that female loneliness can cause a lot of gossip, all more women are in no hurry to find a provider and protector in the person of a man. And the point is not only that many modern ladies are capable of “killing a mammoth” on their own, the main reasons lie in the mixing of gender roles and changes in society.
Psychology of a lonely woman
The loneliness of a woman for many centuries was considered proof of a certain “defectiveness” of a lady; old maids, for example, were always under a hail of ridicule. Currently single woman is not surprising. Psychologists believe that the desire for loneliness is a signal indicating the presence of reasons that prevent a woman from starting a family. Over time, some of these reasons cease to have an effect, and the lady ceases to avoid men. Sometimes a woman gets so used to being alone that she cannot get rid of loneliness.
Psychological origins of female loneliness:
- overpriced or - “I am a beauty, only a prince is worthy of me”, “I am ugly, no one needs me”;
- upbringing in the spirit of feminization - “I must be strong, I can do everything myself, I don’t need a man”;
- obsession with motherhood - “A child should have the most best father"," The child is the most important person for woman".
Causes of female loneliness
To understand why there are so many single women, one should study the causes of loneliness. Among the more common psychologists are the following:
- self-sufficiency This is the most common reason for being single. Such a woman has no need to prove something to others - she is respected for her success and independence.
- Excessive requirements for a man- a factor that screens out all candidates, and often leads to female loneliness.
- Negative experience- often women strive for loneliness and are afraid of new relationships due to the fact that in the past they suffered through the fault of men. Sometimes a girl observes a bad experience in the family of her parents.
- Unfree lover- Another factor that causes female loneliness. In this case, a woman in love simply does not consider other candidates.
- Unwillingness and unwillingness to start a family- such women strive to receive a lot of pleasure from life, the responsibility for the family does not attract them much, as well as male bachelors.
Pros and cons of single women
A single independent woman sees a lot of advantages in her position: she feels successful, free, beautiful, admirable. Behind this attractive picture, despair, a feeling of own uselessness can be hidden. And even ladies who are quite happy in their loneliness can sometimes feel a lack of warmth and closeness of a loved one.
Pros of being single
The answer to the question why women choose loneliness is given by sociologists. In their opinion, it is now much easier for women to live alone than in a family. In this case, the lady has much fewer responsibilities and worries, she has time to look after her appearance and take care of her health, engage in self-improvement, travel and have fun. Some of these factors testify to the infantilism of a woman. Very often, a lady who does not want to start a family consciously chooses partners with whom marriage is impossible, for example, married ones.
Why is loneliness dangerous for a woman?
A woman gets used to loneliness and ceases to need any kind of relationship - this is the main danger this provision. In addition, having become accustomed to independence, a lady may lose her communication skills with the opposite sex. In this case, even if she wants to lose her independence, a woman will not be able to build relationships, create a strong family.
Difficulties for a single woman may arise:
- in the event of a breakdown requiring male hands- then she will have to call her "husband for an hour" or ask a colleague or relative for a favor;
- in company couples- if all the friends and girlfriends of a single lady have families, she will be invited less and less to spend time together;
- with a high need for sex - with a temporary partner it is difficult to count on, and even more so - at the moment when you really want it, and not when there is an opportunity.
How to live a single woman?
The question of what to do for a single woman can only arise in a person deprived of imagination. She does not need to report to anyone, loneliness in this case is equal to freedom. Of course, without significant financial resources, many entertainments for a lady will not be available. However, female loneliness offers many perspectives for:
- study;
- creating your own business;
- tourist trips;
- doing sports;
- communication with friends;
- hobby activities;
- creativity;
- building a career.
Successful women are often lonely, but if this factor is associated with determination and, such ladies always know what they want from life. Energy that could be directed to a man or children, in this case is spent on something else. Among the talented and endowed high intelligence There are a lot of lonely people who have found happiness in their personal lives. Women who have chosen loneliness:
- Sophie Germain - mathematician, mechanic, philosopher, proved the "First case" of Fermat's theorem.
- Sofia Kovalevskaya is a mathematician, writer, worked as a professor at the Department of Mathematics at Stockholm University.
- Barbara McClintock - geneticist, discovered the movement of genes, Nobel laureate.
- Camille Claudel - sculptor, student of Auguste Rodin.
- Grace Murray Hopper is a mathematician, programmer, thanks to her the first programming language COBOL appeared.
How can a woman get rid of loneliness?
Living for many years free life a lady may one day realize that she lacks a caring and loving person, a sense of need, peace and security, which is possible only next to a reliable and understanding partner. Then the moment may come when the question arises sharply - how to deal with loneliness for a woman. To get rid of loneliness, you need:
- find out the reasons for loneliness - a psychologist, a friend can help with this;
- change your attitude towards yourself - stop focusing on imaginary and real advantages and disadvantages, just love yourself;
- take a close look at the surrounding men - perhaps very close is a man who will end female loneliness.
Female loneliness - an Orthodox view
Female loneliness in Orthodoxy is condemned or causes sympathy. Orthodox priests are of the opinion that a woman cannot and should be alone, and she can fulfill her destiny - to become a wife and mother - only next to a reliable person. It is not for nothing that it has long been accepted that an Orthodox priest must be married - the church extols the value of the family very highly.
single female celebrities
There is a widespread stereotype that fame and wealth are happiness, but talent and popularity often choose loneliness as companions. And even with a mass of admirers and husbands, these great single women often felt miserable and useless:
Many famous beauties of the actress still prefer loneliness:
Films about female loneliness
Movies about single women that will be interesting a wide range spectators:
- Red Desert / Il Deserto Rosso(1964). The film tells about spiritual torment main character Juliana, who, although married, feels lonely.
- Three colors: Blue / Trois Couleurs: Bleu(1993). After the death of her relatives, the emotionally devastated heroine remains in deep seclusion. But the music brings her back to life.
- Hours / The Hours(2002). The lives of three heroines from different eras are connected by one book - the novel by Virginia Woolf "Mrs. Dalloway".
- Malena / Malena(2000). A film about a woman whose beauty has become a real curse.
