Good afternoon friends!
There is an opinion, be it modesty, adorns a person. If you look at the definition from one side, you can be sure that a modest person is someone who knows how to compare his self-esteem with the assessment of other people, usually making a choice in the direction of the latter.
On the other hand, it is the measure of all requirements. There is also humility, not exactingness for oneself and the passage of opportunities and options between the boys. Modesty - is it good or bad? In today's article, I will reflect on this.
Everything is good in moderation! Just being humble everywhere and with everyone is not the best option for the humblest. After all, if you think about it, then before this trait in character was really appreciated and extolled. But today, when people have changed the speed of life, and the very approach to it, it is doing a huge, disservice.
Often, "humble" behave in the company a little famous people Weird: when they come to visit, they cannot find a place for themselves, once again ask an important question for them. At work, this feature also manifests itself not sweetly - fear of expressing one's opinion and even show persistence, develops into a feat.
Where does this tendency come from?
The habit of sticking to the "golden mean" in everything, not stick out and be like everyone else, grows from a sweet, kind and familiar childhood to all of us. Often parents incite their children to educate humble attitude to everything: to self-expression, to manners, appearance and even in the expression own feelings in relation to other people.
But whether it brings the desired effect is another question! The problems faced by shy and modest people are not so illusory.
If we take an example, then among the representatives of this "race" one can hardly meet pioneers and inventors.
They are alien active position And disobedience. In a team they keep silently, in the company of people - in the shadow, but inside themselves, they can hide entire oceans interesting views and opinions.
Very often this type of personality, suffering from tyranny and the dominance of other, more self-confident people. inclination carry it all in, is born just out of shyness.
Therefore, it is not uncommon diseases nervous system or psyche, falls precisely on this segment of "modest people". How to deal with such a dangerous trait?
How to push modesty aside:
1. Increase self-esteem and self-confidence.
Choosing the path manifestations of personal savings, as well as demonstrating to others your inner world and colors, you can find recognition and respect.
Who cares to see closed creature, with knees trembling with panic? Boldly open the edges of your soul people who evoke response and trust in your heart. Talk on the phone, meet on the Internet and of course in reality.
Develop your own in order for the personal level to return to normal. Besides, successful business don't build on fear and shyness. Yeah and move on career ladder harder if you're afraid of elbowing someone and just talk about different things.
2. Establish communication with your own "I" and the right to defend an opinion.
Sense of tact, inherent in shy people with a vengeance. I would even say, in excess.
In order to feel good not only in the cozy walls of the house, but also in space, it is necessary settle approach.
Practice in expression of thoughts about a topic in which you feel your excellence, awareness and competence, ideal for processing.
3. Become a leader and an active, team player.
Communication- an important factor in the formation of oneself in society. It can bring people together to support And express emotion. Through the acquisition of new acquaintances, contacts and friends, you can feel the thirst for communication and become the soul of the company.
An excellent reason to transform shyness into a particular style, charm or even image. Add a touch courage, smiles and desire to participate own life and I assure you, everything will work out!
Closing himself from everyone, a person turns into an alien, seeking to avoid any contact with earthlings. But the essence of communication is built in a completely different way: you get what you want giving in return your energy, time And deeds.
Limiting oneself in action blocking the flow of information, events and people, you can slowly begin to identify your name as a person " closed and clogged". I don't think that's what you were looking for!
Having accepted responsibility for your life and frankly looking into the reflection of your mirror, is it worth trying to change the vector of movement of thoughts and decide whether it is a “panther” or a “gazelle”?
Dear friends, on this philosophical note, I will put a finish line.
Subscribe to my blog updates and recommend it to your friends for reading. In the comments, tell us what you think about modesty? Is this good or does it have a negative effect?
See you on the blog, bye bye!
adminIn psychology, modesty means moral quality which shows the relationship of the individual to himself and others. She is not inherent in arrogance, boasting, and with others she behaves the same with everyone, even if there is a reason for pride. The basis of this quality is positive, but there are negative examples of modesty.
What is modesty
Let's take a closer look at the concept of modesty. The term "humble" has existed in our language since XVII century. It means humble, moderate, meek and undemanding. This is someone who does not put their own personality above others.
Modesty due to cowardice or disbelief in own forces is the problem of the individual. An overly modest or inappropriately modest girl can be left alone forever. But on the other hand, the lack of this quality, selfishness and showing oneself to the detriment of others creates considerable problems.
Modesty and shyness
Most of the qualities that are inherent in a person, a person acquires in infancy, and some before birth. Scientists analyzes say that in the womb we are able to hear not only the conversations of mom and dad, but also catch the thoughts of the mother. If the baby feels that he is desired, then in the future he grows up confident in his own abilities. If, during pregnancy, the mother does not love the child, then he has every chance to grow up as a person without and.
It is worth noting that modesty and shyness are different concepts.
Manifestation of disbelief in one's own strength, fear of not being liked. This quality interferes at first in childhood, but if the child is not helped, then in adulthood he will be afraid to set goals and achieve them.
Humility is an indicator of the upbringing of a confident person. The man knows his strengths but does not display them. Therefore, it is believed that modesty is an ornament.
So after all, is modesty an adornment of a person or a burden for him? The uniqueness of each individual is indisputable. Based on this, it turns out that life principles, character, set of habits in each are unique.
We are similar to each other, but different, like snowflakes, fingerprints. For one, something is good, but for the other - on the contrary. Based on this, it is difficult to say for sure whether it is better to remain modest or, on the contrary, to show everything.
Probably, everyone will remember a situation from life when the impudent behavior of another person humiliated or offended, caused indignation. This behavior causes negative emotions. Similar feelings arise when we see unbridled behavior, etc.
Now imagine a girl who, embarrassed, looks down. Or a man who gives way, gives a hand. Good manners, modesty and respect are almost synonymous concepts. You can remain a modest person, but confidently. And just these individuals are able to achieve what they want.
Modesty in Religion
All religious currents urge people to be simple, humble, manage small. The desire for pleasure, in any form, has never been welcomed by religions. On the contrary, it is generally accepted that the rejection of such pleasures will purify the body and soul, bring one closer to spiritual benefits.
The opposite of modesty in the religious sense is pride. This is a sin, because it does not allow the individual to show forgiveness, sympathy, humility. Even Christ himself washed the feet of his own disciples. In this action, the importance is hidden, which is not immediately noticeable. Here is hidden not only the meaning of renunciation of superiority, but also the mystery of the purification of the soul.
Advantages of modesty
Consider the pros and cons of such a quality as modesty. Let's start on the positive side.
Usually modesty is inherent in girls because it is their nature given quality, it is a decisive factor in the creation of character. Modest girls have always been an example of femininity. This quality was considered an indicator of manners, politeness, upbringing. From childhood, in schools, girls were taught the rules, norms of etiquette, good manners. Initially, they were instilled with modesty.
At the present time, modesty does not have such high value, but it has not gone unnoticed. It is easier to communicate with such people, they are not rude, they do not offend people. At the same time, they are always ready to help and support. These people do not exalt themselves above others, they keep some distance. Such a person is unlikely to be able to ask you for anything, but he gladly fulfills your requests, even to his own detriment.
Modest personalities rarely become the center of intrigue or gossip; rumors do not circulate about them. If you do not like to be in the center of the company, an altruist, then modesty is your quality.
Disadvantages of modesty
But not everyone is sure that modesty should be attributed to a positive personality trait. Some consider this trait to be the cause of failure, because modesty is the main disadvantage of modern man.
But in reality, what does the world know about humble people? Nothing. No famous person can be called modest or insecure. Based on this, it is concluded that modesty is not required in order to conquer heights and prosperity. But this is not the whole list of cons. Modesty causes failure on the personal front.
Statistically, most of men prefer just modest girls, but in practice everything is different. Modesty is of interest to the representative of the stronger sex only at the beginning, when it acts as a mystery. But if it does not go away with the development of relationships, then the man loses interest and switches to more relaxed representatives of the weaker sex.
It turns out that due to excessive modesty, the girl is able to lose her chance, to be left alone. This quality is an obstacle not only on the personal front, but in building a career. Moving up when you do all the work for yourself, your colleagues and not trying to get a pay rise becomes impossible.
Modest individuals never desire leadership. They have enough of what they have, they do not try to improve their lives. It is worth saying that there are enough arguments against modesty in order to force a reconsideration own attitude to this line. Modesty gains negative traits, If:
is on display. Often this approach is used by insecure people. Those who demonstrate their own shyness and modesty achieve praise. Such actions are called false modesty;
natural modesty is called a positive quality, if it did not become the cause of complexes. Often, excessive modesty and disbelief in one's own strengths become a real problem. They do not allow the individual to develop.
The reason for excessive modesty, as psychologists are sure, can be such factors:
genetic. Researchers claim that there is a gene for shyness. From the moment of birth, it is noticeable in individuals with an unstable nervous system;
upbringing. Wrong approach to education and lack of communication skills become restrictive for a person, they make him become excessively shy;
childhood trauma. Due to the shock that the person experienced in early age, many qualities can suffer, therefore modesty is not an exception.
How to get rid of modesty
There are several answers to the question of how to get rid of modesty. One of them involves tempering character, training and special classes. Another is seeking support from a specialist. For self-training of character, the following recommendations are suitable:
If you want to do or say something, do it, even if the words or actions turn out to be stupid.
Communicate with others more often. You should not refuse a possible meeting with fellow students, classmates, colleagues or friends. Remember in childhood modesty does not prevent communication.
Stop blaming yourself for failing at something. On the contrary, celebrate what you did well. Think about how to fix what doesn't work.
Use the chance meeting training. To do this, come to a place where there are a lot of people and try to meet and communicate with complete strangers.
If the above methods do not save, then you need to seek professional help. psychological help. The expert will conduct all the required diagnostic testing, and if necessary, develop an action plan, tell you how to overcome modesty.
But fight it personal quality required only when it becomes excessive. With moderate modesty, be proud of this feeling, remember that it is an adornment of a person.
April 1, 2014Modesty
(Questions are asked by the editor of the magazine "In the City" Ekaterina Baklanova)
“A life that is aware of its beauty tends to hide itself in tales of modesty. The lie cries loudly: “I am the light!” and instantly burns, and modesty, like a diamond, is silent, but has its own light, shining with constant brightness.Inayat Khan Hidayat
What features make up the image of a person whom we respect, who can serve as an example for us? Probably most of you will agree that such a person should be courageous, truthful, honest, faithful, kind, persevering and, of course, modest. "How smarter man, the more modest it is, ”says antique aphorism. IN Japanese proverb It says: "Modesty is the adornment of wisdom." “Modesty is just as necessary to virtues as the figures in a picture need a background: it gives them strength and relief,” wrote J. La Bruyère, and L. N. Tolstoy considered modesty and simplicity to be the main conditions for the moral beauty of a person.
What is modesty? The psychologist, a specialist in systemic therapy and family constellations, Zhanna Tomashevskaya-Kurkova answers the questions of the editorial board.
What is modesty: a quality transmitted to genetic level, product of education, result inner work man over himself? Is it under human control?
Modesty is an inner dignity and self-respect. This is the result of knowing oneself and the universe, diligence and diligence, will and strong character. This is a huge inner work. The deeper and more interesting person, the more noble and modest it is. A self-sufficient person does not need to stick out his qualities or achievements, he does not need external approval. He lives according to his inner world. Mistakes and victories are accepted equally. When he makes a mistake, he does not attract attention to himself, he does not expose himself as a victim. He learns and solves his life problems. When he wins, he does not brag about it, but accepts with gratitude what he has received and moves on through life. Living in harmony with himself, he knows the value of his life and those around him.
What is the difference between modesty, shyness and shyness? Humble person– weak and indecisive? Can a humble person be proud?
Shyness and shyness most often come from self-doubt. A person is afraid to express his point of view and always adapts to the majority or simply remains silent, not knowing and not being able to express himself. Modesty is confident and bold. Confident man lives in faith. What is the faith of a man - such is his internal state and behavior among people. The mind and intellect of man are based on faith. A humble person lives his life with dignity. He has spirit and will, he is free from external evaluation. Humility is proud. But pride without modesty turns into arrogance and pride.
Does modesty always adorn a person?
Recently, while relaxing by the sea, I observed funny situations. On the city beach, children and adults of one German family stripped naked, attracting attention and catching the puzzled looks of vacationers. They undressed and defiantly looked at others, for them the attention and reaction of people was very important. On the same day, I accidentally met a Russian woman on the beach and later met her in a restaurant. This lady had already dined with her family, but nevertheless she made every effort to join our table. During dinner, in the first minute of the conversation, I learned that a woman is related to psychology. All evening we listened only to this lady, who during the conversation did not listen to anyone and did not let anyone say a word, tried to fulfill herself at the expense of the attention and energy of other people. Meanwhile, her seven-year-old daughter actively competed with her mother. She climbed onto a post near the table and very loudly portrayed a monkey: she made faces, screamed, published different sounds, thereby involuntarily forcing to draw attention to themselves. Three completely different situations - novice nudists, a woman psychologist and her daughter. But everyone was screaming for help. Everyone needed the most basic need person - recognition. When a child is small, the recognition of his parents - mom and dad - is very important for him. And the behavior of a little girl, who literally demanded her mother's lost attention and love, is quite normal. And it looks a little comical and sad when an adult person in any way pulls the energy of other people onto himself in order to at least somehow make sure that HE EXISTS. When a person grows up, recognition becomes more deep meaning. RECOGNITION - it is important for a person to beknowing. It is important to know yourself, your needs and desires, your capabilities. Know the laws of the universe and the laws of human development. It is very important to be at higher knowledge. Comprehending knowledge, a person cognizes and recognizes himself - a person. He becomes self-sufficient and independent of others. If a person stops in his development by obtaining a diploma of his professional suitability, then throughout his life he will need, as to a small child, constant recognition of other people. The very word HUMAN - CENTURY (student of the century) contains a huge meaning of human life.
People who really believe that being naked among people is natural, go to the circle of their like-minded people - nudists. They undress and enjoy their condition, they have no need to challenge "others", people who are not like them. In the same way, a professional in his activity on the topics of his profession is interested in communicating in his circle - among the same professionals. They have absolutely no reason to stick out their worldview among people who are far from it. As a rule, regardless of worldview and social currents, people who really believe in what they say do not shout about it on every corner, but simply live by them. They do it for themselves.
Sometimes, communicating with people, only after a while, quite by accident, you learn about their achievements in the profession or interesting way life. They attract not with words, but with deeds already done. This is their way of life. They respect and protect their inner world and very selectively let others into it. mature people modest, simple and natural. These qualities are a great rarity in our society and the most valuable decoration. I have witnessed many times when in disputes, discussions and other difficult life situations modesty prevailed. A modest person conquers and is very disposed to himself.
Can modesty become a serious obstacle in life or, even worse, the cause of constant stress and, as a result, illness?
Modesty is an intrinsic value that a person relies on in difficult life situations. This quality can only help in times of stress and illness. We attract trouble to ourselves as a result of our own incorrect thoughts or actions. Humility through accumulated wisdom allows you to look at stressful situation real eyes, accept it and solve it with dignity.
How do you feel about the statement of Dzongsar Khyentse: "Even modesty can be a kind of pretense and hypocrisy"? What is false modesty? Vanity ploy or pretense?
People can play, pretend and put on the mask of a humble person. It happens that a person who is not confident and timid, lazy and not interesting to himself hides behind imaginary modesty. This is a convenient form of presenting yourself in society. But such people, as a rule, are irritated and unbalanced. Their inner discomfort eventually comes out. Often their “modest” life motto is the phrase: “Lord, I don’t need anything, just make sure that others don’t have anything.”
Real modesty can always be distinguished from pretense - it is accompanied by simplicity, naturalness and goodwill.
Can a modest person replace shyness with unusual forms of behavior - feigned arrogance and swagger?
Modesty is the inner state of a person, it is the accumulated wisdom. Audacity and swagger are masks behind which an insecure person hides, for whom it is very important to impress others. We all know that young children bully because of a lack of love and attention. Exactly the same reason for the behavior of an impudent and cheeky person is to declare oneself in any way. This behavior is a cry for help. A modest person does not focus on the environment, he knows who he is, what he does and why. Even if others do not accept his worldview, he will not be upset. What matters to him is what he knows and lives.
Is it possible to consider excessive modesty as a vice that needs to be got rid of? And if so, how can this be done?
Modesty is a great value, a component of the inner foundation on which a person relies in his life. It needs to be developed and multiplied in itself. Few people have this kind of quality.
Can a modest, seemingly indecisive, but very competent and intelligent specialist get a highly paid job, or is it easier for a self-confident slob to do it?
Maybe a self-confident slob will be able to get a job faster, but a modest specialist will stay at work. To get a modest competent specialist is a great success. These people talk less and do more. Self-confident slob talks a lot and creates the appearance of work. This is why employers have probation to consider a specialist and distinguish idle talk from deeds.
Whose modesty is more valued: male or female? What are the causes of excessive modesty?
Both male and female modesty are very beautiful. Unfortunately, today we see very few such people around. The main mass throws dust in the eyes. People immodestly assert themselves by their position, connections, opportunities. But without faith and dignity inside, they feel devastated. Hence the arrogance, rudeness and protrusion. When a person personally achieves financial situation or fame, he behaves much more modestly than one who has achieved something with the help of others. The personal independent path of material achievements runs in parallel with the life accumulations of wisdom and experience. If a person receives something at the expense of someone, his soul always knows about it. And then, in order to drown out this knowledge, a person sticks out these achievements for show, convincing, first of all, himself that he is significant. Along with this comes irritation, anger, dissatisfaction. The deeper and more interesting a person is, the more modest he is. Male modesty is accompanied by dignity, female - by simplicity and naturalness. There is no such thing as too much modesty.
Should modesty be overcome?
I think that it is still too early to talk about this topic in our society... We all need to work hard on our self-development in order to develop even a small fraction of real modesty.
The difference between modesty and secrecy is huge! What more in Kurganinsk, you can guess.
A modest person is a person completely devoid of any bragging or boasting. This is a highly moral person who has a true upbringing and at the same time high demands on himself.
A modest person, clearly aware of his obvious advantages, deliberately avoids loud public recognition, nobly and tactfully helping others to show off their unique virtues. Usually humble people express their opinion with pleasure, benevolence and sincerity, you just need to ask them about it. They are firm, active, consistent and thorough in critical situations. Their position is clear and open.
Sometimes modesty is also confused with timidity and shyness. And in vain, because timidity and shyness determine only the degree of a person's lack of confidence in the correctness of their actions.
The above can in no way be attributed to the concept of a secretive personality, because the secrecy of a person comes from the ability to hide one’s not talents and virtues, but true beliefs and habits.
A secretive person seems to wear a mask pleasing to the environment, skillfully misleading others about his own tastes, preferences and opinions. He is able to imitate noble feelings, but not experience them. And if a real modest person avoids recognizing his merits out of delicacy and respect for others, then the motives of a secretive person, as a rule, are not so noble.
A secretive person hides not at all out of delicacy and respect for others, but out of deep arrogance, aggression and distrust, and sometimes contempt for others. Sometimes even relatives and friends of a secretive person have no idea about who exactly they have lived next to and continue to live for many, many years. It seems to be quiet and modest, such a family member or neighbor, laconic and complaisant.
It seems to be saying what everyone is used to saying and hearing. But, if you think about it, it is almost impossible to get a completely clear, definite explanation from a secretive person on this or that occasion, and even his actions are sometimes so inexplicable ...
If a secretive person is a leader, then the formulation of tasks in his performance is a real torment for subordinates. The fulfillment of the same task is reminiscent of the game " sea battle". The handwriting of such a person is too intricate. Subordinates spend too much time and effort on solving the "mysteries" of the secretive boss, who is also an avid hustler.
Often a secretive person, due to the structure of his personality, experiences a piercing antipathy for truly modest, contact, hardworking and sincere people. Of course, a secretive manager will express such antipathy implicitly, but in the form of a series of unexpected and much more urgent, important and difficult production needs that have fallen on the head of a modest person. Moreover, lazy and evasive subordinates, with such a distortion of labor relations, will feel quite comfortable.
The sincerity of a radically secretive person in the family can not be counted on. The nature of such a radical is such that he will definitely find something to hide from the second half. For example, the true size of your salary or some suspicious addictions. Life with a werewolf is unpredictable. And sometimes dangerous.
Therefore, before marriage, young people of both sexes, out of respect for themselves, their parents and their future children, should try with great attention to investigate who is who your future second half.
- Modesty gives freedom - from self-confidence and vanity.
- Modesty makes it possible to learn from the people around you, adopting their best qualities.
- Modesty provides independence - from excessive comfort and luxury.
- Humility provides an incentive - to achieve more; a humble person believes that before people appreciate him as a person, he must achieve results in his business.
Humility in everyday life
- Hearing. A person who loves and knows how to listen with sincere interest to the interlocutor is modest.
- Concessions. Yielding in ordinary everyday situations, a person shows modesty and respect for others.
- Charity. A person who does charity work and does not advertise it demonstrates a number of virtues; modesty is one of them.
- family education. Raising in the child a sincere interest in the people around them, and suppressing manifestations of selfishness, parents bring up modesty in him.
How to achieve modesty
- Modesty is largely the result of upbringing and the result of a person’s inner work on himself. Modesty is controlled by a person, and it can be cultivated in oneself, avoiding vanity in every possible way.
- Relations with relatives. Showing respect and reverence for elders, interest in equals and concern for younger ones, a person develops modesty in himself.
- Interest in the people around you. A modest person is sincerely interested in others; each of them has something to learn. Being interested in people and not sticking out his own “I”, a person learns modesty.
- Help for those in need. Helping those who need it, and not expecting return in the form of glory, a person shows modesty.
- Indulgence for mistakes. A modest person does not boast of education and does not point out to others their miscalculations; whether it be ignorance of any literary quotation or the wrong choice cutlery to eat fish.
Golden mean
Vanity, arrogance | total lack of modesty
Modesty
Self-deprecation | absolute modesty, flip side pride
