Below you will find signs that people who have buried loved one- when you can open the mirror after the funeral, do the cleaning and repairs, watch TV. There are many restrictions and prohibitions that were invented by our ancestors, for the most part, back in pre-Christian times.
When to open the mirror
A well-known fact - after the death of a person, it is supposed to close all reflective surfaces. These are not only mirrors, but also TVs, computer monitors and other things in which you can see your reflection. This is done so that the reflection of the deceased does not remain in the house, and his ghost is not alive.
Signs are based on the path of the deceased. So, after three days after death, the guardian angel takes him to inspect paradise. For 9 days, he will appear before the Lord and go to inspect hell. On the 40th day, the soul is given the final verdict on where it will stay. Since only the first three days after death the soul is among the living, you can open the mirrors after it leaves it. That is, on the fourth day. It used to be that all 40 days the soul can visit relatives from time to time. Therefore, they did not open the mirrors all this time.
Sometimes the mirrors do not hang at all. For example, when a person died in a hospital, and his body is taken to the cemetery from the morgue, and not from home. It is not right. The soul of a person will still return home and stay near people close to him during his lifetime. Sometimes only those mirrors that are located where the deceased is located are closed. It is also not true, because the soul will wander through all the rooms of the house.
Some Slavic signs claim that the one who first looks into the mirror opened after the funeral will soon die. To prevent this, the cat is brought to the mirror first. She is not afraid of this sign.
Can I watch TV
For obvious reasons, there are no old signs about this, but as mentioned above, TVs are supposed to be closed, like mirrors. You can open them simultaneously with mirrors. That is, either after the funeral, or after the third, ninth or fortieth day.
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The church does not prohibit watching TV, but recommends to refrain from entertainment at least nine days. You can watch news, educational programs, but it is better to postpone watching movies and talk shows. You can not turn on the TV in the house where the deceased lies. Wait until the funeral is over. If the deceased was not a person close to you, the restriction does not apply to you.
These rules also apply to listening to music. The exception is church hymns. If you wish, you can listen classical music. By the way, the funeral orchestra is a Soviet innovation. In the old days, they were accompanied by prayers and religious chants.
Do you keep photos of the dead?
The answer is positive. Photos are memories of a dear person, a memory for his grandchildren and great-grandchildren. By destroying photographs of the deceased, you allow his descendants to never know about him.
But still the image of the deceased is associated with world of the dead
. Psychics can tell from a photo whether a person is alive or not. Therefore, it is not worth looking at photographs of the deceased too often. You can also not overdo it with their number on the walls, shelves and tables. Do not hang near portraits of living people, separate living and dead energies. The best place for storage - a photo album.
Much more negative are the photographs taken during the funeral. It's best not to do them. But, if there are already photos, it is better to destroy them. It doesn't matter what is depicted there - a coffin, a cemetery, a funeral process, they are a strong source of necrotic energy.
When to clean the apartment
While there is a dead person in the house, cleaning and taking out the trash is not allowed. Otherwise, another person in this house may die. According to legend, the cleaner will sweep or wash him out of the dwelling.
You need to clean up immediately after the removal of the coffin. For the deceased, they sweep and wash the floors at a time when the mourners in last way already gone to the cemetery. This is done to immediately sweep away death, illness, grief from the house.
Moreover, such light cleaning cannot be done by blood relatives of the deceased. It is better for them to contact the emanations of death less, so that the deceased does not take his loved ones with him. Do not clean up after the dead and pregnant women. Usually one of the family friends is asked to sweep and mop the floor. Only he must remain in the apartment after the removal of the coffin. After that, the person joins the mourners at the wake, he is not present at the cemetery.
Some things are especially strongly saturated with the energy of death. So, the stools or table on which the coffin stood are taken out into the street for several days and left there with their legs up. This is done in order to get rid of this energy. The apartment has a balcony.
Be sure to take everything from the house that is connected with the mournful ceremony. These are the remnants of fabric for upholstery of the coffin, chips from it, as well as other ritual paraphernalia, except for a portrait with a black ribbon, a glass of water and a piece of bread. All flowers brought by the mourners are supposed to be left on the grave - they are intended for the deceased.
They also do not leave in the house the tool that was used to take measurements for the coffin, it brings death to another tenant during the year. Nothing is taken from the coffin. The ropes with which they tied the hands of the deceased, the pennies that lay in front of their eyes - all this should remain in the coffin. Candles are taken to the cemetery, as well as the grain in which they stood. It is also impossible to keep the icon that stood in front of the coffin. She is allowed down the river or taken to the church.
When can you clean up after the funeral, if the question is general cleaning or putting in order the room of the deceased? At any time, but after the commemoration or the removal of the coffin. If at the same time you open the mirrors, they should also be washed. If you decide to keep them closed for 3, 9, or 40 days, save that for later.
Is it possible to make repairs
Repair after the funeral can be done, but only as it passes 40 days after death. The soul of the deceased visits from time to time to see how loved ones live. She would like to see familiar environment, changes can anger the spirit.
After 40 days, at least, it will be necessary to replace the bed on which the deceased slept, as well as the bed (sofa, floor or staircase covering, armchair, etc.) that has become a deathbed. bed dead man You can't use his bloodlines. It can be given away or sold. Putting a new bed is optional, use the freed space as you see fit.
The place of death will exude necrotic energy for several more years. Therefore, it is supposed to replace everything that came into contact with the dying, be it the floor covering where he fell, or furniture and bed linen. As a rule, such things are thrown away or burned. In the villages, they act a little differently - they take them to the chicken coop for three, so that the rooster "sings all the negativity."
Deceased's personal belongings, as a rule, distribute to the poor or sell. This doesn't just apply to clothes. Favorite cup or plate, ashtray, anti-stress toy - you should not keep it all. Although many leave in memory of the deceased.
What else not to do after the funeral
In the house where the person died, you can not do laundry. This prohibition is valid while the coffin is in the house. That is, after the funeral, you can start putting your clothes in order.
Can I swim after the funeral? Beliefs recommend doing this at the same time when you decide to remove the fabric from reflective surfaces. That is, immediately after the commemoration, in three, nine or forty days. In the old days, they washed only on the 41st day after death.
Among the things not to do after the funeral are noisy holidays. It is undesirable to arrange celebrations within 40 days. Birthday celebration better to reschedule or cancel altogether. But you can celebrate it modestly, in the family circle, without loud music and noise.
The nine-day, and preferably forty-day ban also applies to the wedding, but here everything depends on the emotional state of the relatives of the deceased. In addition, a wedding is a pre-arranged event associated with high costs. If you are getting married earlier than forty days have passed since the death of a relative, during the celebration you need to mention this and pay tribute to the memory of the deceased. Weddings are allowed at any time.
Many believe that among the things not to do after the funeral of a loved one are trips and travel. This is not true. They will help to distract, but during the trip it is worth giving up various entertainment activities. Do not forget to remember the deceased and pray for his soul during the holidays.
In addition, the relatives of the deceased cannot sew and have their hair cut for forty days. If there is a need to repair clothes, you will have to do this. But tailoring, which is not urgent, should be postponed. The same goes for haircuts. Bangs interfere with daily activities? Get rid of her. But if it's about changing your image, do it in forty days.
The same amount of time for the family of the deceased you can't drink alcohol. Perhaps the ban is due to the fact that grief is an accomplice of alcoholism. But funeral signs also forbid drinking at the wake. The reason is that alcoholism is a sin. For forty days, relatives can pray for a sinful person. If at this time they sin, it will only complicate his afterlife.
After the funeral, they go only to the wake, and from there - home. You can’t go to visit, otherwise home will come death. You can visit or go on business only on the day following the funeral and commemoration. The commemoration is also the ninth and fortieth day, and after them this prohibition also applies. You can also not go to celebrations that take place in in public places- birthdays, weddings.
They don't go from wake to wake. If two deceased are commemorated on the same day, choose the one who is closer to you. But you can also say goodbye to several dead people, support relatives, and express grief. During the funeral, do not visit the graves of relatives and friends. This time you came to only one deceased, and visiting others will be regarded as disrespectful.
Church opinion
There are many beliefs that are supposed to be observed after the funeral. This will help protect against necrotic energy, diseases and other troubles. In addition, some signs are aimed at improving afterlife the deceased and his cleansing from sins.
A sample of the text of obituaries can be found in the media. Article informs about death specific person. The daily newspaper indicates the exact time and date of the memorial service. Nowadays, it loses its relevance, unfortunately. Relatives notify only relatives and friends about the tragic event. Some people don't know what happened. There are many people who knew him during his lifetime and would not want to be left out. For such cases, there are death notices in the newspapers.
An obituary, in its essence, is sad news about what happened to people who do not yet know about death. Usually compiled from a team: colleagues, relatives. It is a photograph of the deceased and an article with short biography. A sample obituary in the newspaper is provided in the photo.
Relatives and friends in farewell speech express personal grief. Colleagues, colleagues and acquaintances may not always be present at the funeral. A team in which a person has worked for more than one year cannot remain indifferent to the tragedy. Colleagues often experience loss more than friends who rarely see each other. Do not forget that most people spend much more time at work than with their family.
The differences in writing an obituary from relatives or colleagues lies only in the very attitude towards the deceased. Relatives and friends usually indicate personality traits that deserve attention: kindness, attitude towards people. Everything that was valued in this man. Colleagues focus on professional qualities. All this below in the text.
There is no single sample obituary for everyone, just as there are no two people with the same fate. True, the best death notices to colleagues are often kept in the trade union department. Obituary samples are divided into age categories, male or female, manager or employee.
If there is no such sample, then it is not difficult to write an obituary on behalf of your team yourself. There are no strict rules in writing an obituary. The text is somewhat concise. Only dry official language not welcome, in the absence of defining phrases. Your team will definitely notify you “with regret”, etc. Stick to a few ingredients, and you end up with a full obituary text.
- Full data is placed next to the photo in a black frame:
Full Name.
Date of birth and date of death.
- The first line of an obituary article usually begins with an indication of the team of which enterprise or organization reports the sad news. It can also be distant relatives and friends of the deceased. Do not forget to add the phrase "regretfully." A naked statement will serve as a bitter reminder of the loss of the relatives of the deceased.
- What year did he die? What was the reason for this (suddenly, after prolonged illness, as a result of an accident, etc.)
- Briefly describe biographical facts, mentioning the importance individual moments for society and family. Colleagues in obituaries indicate milestones career development what degrees and titles he achieved. Highlight the main achievements in professional field, what benefit brought to the production, in the business of the company.
For loved ones first human qualities. All the things for which he was valued and respected. For example, “he was a support for relatives”, “ loving spouse and father."
- For an obituary in a newspaper, it used to be necessary to indicate the surviving relatives by seniority. In our time, it will not be superfluous if you write words of consolation in a similar form: “he was a hope and support for his elderly parents”, “ loving husband and father of two small children.
- In conclusion, be sure to write that the memory of him will remain in the hearts.
- The last line can be a short, relevant quotation or epitaph.
- If the publication of the newspaper in which the obituary is submitted is daily, then the time and place of the burial must be indicated.
In conclusion, I would like to say that the obituary is not just a tribute to tradition. From a well-written obituary even stranger may well imagine: who he was, what he had to endure and achieve in his life. An obituary is a sign of respect for the deceased from the living and remembering him.
Often pride does not allow loved ones to ask for help at such a moment, although they need it more than ever. Therefore, paragraph 5 was previously required in the obituary. From it it becomes clear who exactly needs help, words of support.
Sometimes fate disposes in such a way that only an obituary is able to make people meet. IN last time to say goodbye and ask for forgiveness. Do not deprive friends of this opportunity, and relatives - help. The obituary needs to be revived.
The Internet has become a full-fledged replacement for television and radio broadcasting and publications in newspapers. You can post farewell lines on your social media page. networks. Many acquaintances and most of your friends will learn about the sad news. After such news, is it possible to post something later? Can a message on the Internet replace an obituary in a newspaper?
With the change of generations, the values of culture also change. Time will show. IN this moment messages on social networks are not an obituary in the full sense of the word. Everything is mixed on different sites. The post of farewell to the deceased will steadily slide down the “wall” of the page. Tears and sorrow are soon replaced by carelessness and fun. Each subsequent post will cross out all the sincerity of the written words.
At the word, the epitaph immediately appears short inscription on the monument. Endowed with the ability to keep wisdom and inconsolable grief for centuries. More than one generation will change until a tombstone made of granite or marble is destroyed. Nothing lasts forever in this world. Monument from the word "memory". To put an epitaph on a monument means to express respect for the deceased, preserving his memory for many centuries.
Historically, the birthplace of epitaphs is Ancient Greece. Under this concept, any speech over the grave was designated. From the Greek "epi" - over and "taphos" - grave. Only then did it become words on stone. In the Renaissance, the elite sections of the population on the monuments indicated the stages of the birth of their kind, praised the virtue of the deceased and all his relatives with maximum pathos. Perhaps, thanks to this, historians had the opportunity to study in detail the life and life of that time.
IN ancient world similar inscriptions on the plates are found everywhere. IN Ancient Egypt hieroglyphs on sarcophagi and writing on the graves of Babylon. China and Japan transferred their Eastern philosophy from antiquity in epitaphs. For example, the saying: "it is not difficult to die, it is difficult to live."
IN Western culture It is customary to choose a gravestone inscription for oneself during one's lifetime. It makes sense. Who knows better than ourselves, if not ourselves? You can send a message to posterity, or indicate what to strive for. Even fears can make you write an epitaph for yourself. According to one of the legends, the writer W. Shakespeare was afraid that the robbers of the cemeteries would dig up his body. Therefore, the inscription reads in a free translation: "He who has not touched is blessed for centuries, and he who touches my ashes will be cursed."
Thanks to Peter the Great European traditions began to take root in Russia. Guaranteed, they adopted the rituals of perpetuating the memory of the deceased after traveling through European countries. It is not given to everyone to compose thoughtful quatrains, therefore poets of that time were attracted to this. Pushkin A.S. did not shy away from this genre. Epitaph of A.S. Pushkin for himself:
“Here Pushkin is buried; he is with a young muse,
With love, laziness spent a merry age,
He did not do good, but he was a soul,
By God, good man."
The attitude towards life and oneself immediately becomes clear. Not everyone wants the memory of him in the hearts to give pain and sorrow. There are many who treat everything with ease and humor. On one of the tombstones there is an inscription: "If you were lying, I would read." We can say with confidence that a man with humor is buried there and chose it during his lifetime. There are many such examples. Eminent poets and writers composed epitaphs. On the monument of rock musician Igor Talkov, the epitaph is the words of one of his songs: "And defeated in battle, I will rise and sing." Perhaps when he composed these lines in his song, he wrote it precisely as an epitaph. By this he immortalized his principles and remained in the memory of the people.
To compose an epitaph for yourself during your lifetime means to preserve your memory in exactly the form that, in your perception, reflects your inner world in the best possible way. Do not shift this burden onto the shoulders of inconsolable relatives. Your loved ones will have a hard time. Maybe your epitaph will serve as a reminder to them that death is just a transition from one world to another. Let us recall the epitaph of Pushkin A.S. At that time, the philosophy of Epicureanism prophesied that death should not be feared: “As long as we exist, there is no death. When there is death, we are no more.”
We offer you a selection of epitaphs on our website Easy Funeral. But before you start looking for ready-made epitaphs, try to answer one question: “What kind of epitaph would you write for yourself?” Perhaps this epitaph will become what you are looking for. Writing epitaphs is not as easy as it seems. In 2-4 lines, put the whole meaning of the life lived, preserving a worthy memory of yourself for centuries.
"Always expect, but do not fear death, both are true traits of wisdom."
Saint John Chrysostom
Can you tell with certainty where great-grandparents are buried? What did the ancestors do before the revolution of 1917? What were they like? Many do not have this information. One century has passed. We do not remember the past, so there is no future. In the past, there was no unified database of deceased people. Several decades pass and the connection between generations is lost. Roots and family traditions are forgotten.
This is due to the fact that parents did not talk much about their parents. Grandparents do not remember about their ancestors. In one century, more than one change of residence, cities and countries could occur. It is possible that your family is not from the same places as you think. On the Internet, you can only find where the graves of celebrities are. Burial places ordinary people are usually forgotten and they become neglected.
To prevent this from happening, a "Virtual Cemetery" was created on our website. The Book of Memory is a database of deceased people. It will help to keep everything that you think is important to remember. The Internet cemetery allows you to post a photo of the grave, photographs and videos of a person, to establish the exact coordinates of the burial. If you live in another area, order a service on our website for the care of the specified grave, delivery of flowers to the grave or relatives. Perhaps distant relatives decide to visit the grave. The entered data will allow you to find it.
Let relatives and friends honor the memory of the deceased on the virtual cemetery page. They can complement everything that you wrote about the deceased earlier. In the Internet cemetery there is an opportunity to put a candle to the deceased, to make a virtual gift. Remember, a virtual candle is not a substitute for a real one in church and prayer for the repose. The usual sign of attention relatives. The deceased is not forgotten, he is remembered. Grieving people need such signs of support in a difficult moment for them. In the "Links" tab, in one place you can collect all the links on the Internet that mention your relative or loved one, including the links of the deceased person to pages in social networks.
We do not affect the interests of religious people of different faiths. The Easy Funeral website aims to keep the memory of those who have passed away alive.
Close the page from prying eyes if you consider the information to be purely personal. Sometimes the burden of unspoken words to a dead person becomes unbearable. Write on the page of the book of memory, everything that you did not have time to say personally. It will seem that your message has been read. Believe me, it will become much easier.
If you wish, you can make this page your diary and share your bitterness and sorrow, achievements and joy. It is especially difficult for those who, due to the great remoteness from the place of burial, cannot do this in reality. The book of memory will allow you to find such an outlet. If you are experiencing a loss very hard, then we recommend that you read the article on how to deal with grief after death.
It is not at all necessary to be an important person in life in order to keep the memory of us. Why, along with the graves of celebrities, do not allow future generations to find on the Internet where your family and friends are buried? will keep the memory of the dead forever.
How do you deal with grief after the death of a loved one? There is already a wrong approach to the problem in the formulation of the question. Couple actionable advice help to cope with the state of depression and return to a normal lifestyle. Let's start with the fact that you should not try to deal with grief. You will be unsuccessfully at war with yourself. This is the part inner peace. your experiences and memories. Trying to suppress emotions will get you nowhere. Let your pain out, let it out!
Do not artificially suppress your feelings.Trying to muffle the pain, they often look for a way out in intoxication, when all feelings are dulled. Hangover syndrome greatly increases longing and anxiety. Everything that is said and done in a drunken stupor causes a feeling of guilt the next day. Trying to get rid of depression leads to the opposite result. Depression develops at an accelerated rate. It is very easy in such a situation to become an alcoholic or a drug addict.
Nobody likes to listen to advice that has long become a cliché: “don’t drink, you will become an alcoholic”, “cry and you will feel better.” It's wrong to ignore phrases that repeat centuries different people. If the semantic load would not correspond to reality, why then did these words come down to us through the centuries? All right. Ordinary logic confirms that drunkenness is not an option. Therefore, crying can also relieve pain.
Pride does not allow many to shed tears in vain. Don't want to show weakness in front of others? In this case, you just need to cry alone. Throw out all the burden of accumulated experiences. Drunk tears give no consolation. Crying drunk in the company does not cause sincere sympathy. Only pity bordering on contempt. And you feel ashamed when you sober up. Therefore, only in solitude, without any alcohol. Let the tears flow as long as the weary mind requires.
The opposite situations arise. Tears flow like a river and do not bring any relief. Everything is strictly individual. This is the attitude of each to the tragedy that has occurred through the prism of his personal worldview. Can not be universal means. There is no panacea for grief. But what if we could come up with a drug that could help you get rid of your depression? No need to buy expensive drugs. Just dilute 30-50 drops of this remedy in boiled water and drink 1 hour before meals. This miracle remedy is nothing more than the usual motherwort tincture. It is used to prevent depression.
If you rely only on this tool, then you did not carefully read what was written earlier. To get out of a depressed state, you need to let your grief out. Suppressing your feelings will increase your depression. There is another method that can help those who shed tears incessantly. And the one who does not cry because of natural restraint. Therapy by Artur Yanov.
Cry therapy.
Arthur Janov is an American psychologist and psychotherapist. The author of the theory of treatment "Primary cry". This therapy is not only suitable for those who experience grief after the death of a loved one. Recommended for those on the edge nervous breakdown. Hidden emotions inside reach a critical mass and the outcome of this explosion is difficult to predict.
Children scream in pain and resentment. Adults do not hold back from screaming in a major quarrel. As a result, they are released from the negative charge of negative emotions that have accumulated over time. This gives a positive effect. The feeling that you are completely cleared of negative energy. There is balance, peace and tranquility.
If you had to lose someone close to you, then the cry itself breaks out. Inconsolable widows and mothers scream without embarrassment, because the pain is unbearable. She can't be kept inside. Nature itself asks that a surge of negative emotions come out of a person in a cry.
Comparing physical pain with mental pain. The sharp pain from hitting the finger with a hammer will lead to an unconscious scream. Crying is the obligatory follower of pain. One of the main mitigating factors from grief.
In the US, cry therapy is done in groups. For half an hour, everyone screams at each other intensely to get rid of negative emotions. You can relieve stress alone. To do this, you need to find a secluded place where no one will interfere. The main thing is that you yourself have invested in this cry in full. Not distracted by thoughts of what they might hear.
Plan a field trip if possible. A short-term change of scenery can have a positive effect on you. For residents of rural areas and small towns, it will not be difficult to find a deaf and deserted place. A strong effect gives a cry in the mountains or near water bodies.
For residents major cities scream therapy can take place in a wasteland, wasteland, or wharf. Consider the time so that there are no strangers. You can scream from the roof of houses and balconies. WITH high altitude the scream is not heard below. Shout in the car, or at work if conditions permit, at home into your pillow or without hiding out loud. It depends on the environment in which one is completely predisposed to withdraw all the pain that has accumulated.
Concentrate so that the feeling of grief is overwhelmed entirely. Remember all the moments that you tried to forget before, what causes the most severe pain: news of death, sadness of loss. Remember everything that you had to endure after the death of a loved one and the funeral itself in detail. Put all this longing into a cry. Loud and lingering. Scream until your lungs burn from lack of oxygen. It doesn't matter what you scream. The main thing is that it comes from the depths of the soul. This cry is a farewell to a loved one. Let him hear and understand how hard it is without him.
Even if it happens that someone else suddenly hears your cry of pain. Do you think everyone will immediately rush to help? The cry of pain cannot be confused with anything. Rather the opposite. The casual hearer will run away. Everyone diligently avoids pain. Why should you keep it to yourself? Scream until you feel absolute emptiness in yourself.
This is the peace that can bring you out of a protracted depression. It remains only to fill this spiritual emptiness with positive emotions.
It's all relatively simple once you figure it out. Artur Yanov's scream therapy is able to take you out of the cyclical state inherent in depressed people after the death of a loved one. As soon as you feel that insurmountable grief begins to occupy your consciousness again, remember about scream therapy.
Find an environment where yelling is okay. Now there is no need to be alone. On the contrary, a mass gathering of people will quickly help you return to reality. Fans of football, hockey or basketball teams chant in such a way that screaming becomes the norm. Maybe it's a KVN competition. Choose an event to your liking. Shout, at the same time enjoy the game, get distracted.
Avoid loneliness.Talking to friends and family will help you recover faster. Moral support and perhaps material assistance is the only way for them to somehow reduce your pain. Don't hesitate to help out. The involvement of family and friends in your life can be one of the main factors in healing.
In a healthy body healthy mind.Understanding this principle of the relationship between the physical and emotional state, it is possible, by influencing one, to improve the other. In other words, if the physical condition is at a decent level, then emotional condition will not keep you waiting. The merging process will take place. You will feel much more confident. healthy image life and healthy eating - the foundation of the basics.
Give yourself gifts.Don't forget about yourself. Shopping will help get rid of depression after the death of a person. Take a look in the mirror. A dull reflection does not match the one you used to see before the death of a loved one, the first sign that it's time to take care of yourself. Don't scare your appearance relatives and friends, go to the store. negative emotions exhaust vital energy. Satisfaction from successful purchases and a decent appearance is already a sign of a way out of a depressive state.
Fill your soul void.After scream therapy comes relaxation and spiritual emptiness that needs to be filled with something. This is not a replacement for the place of the deceased person in your memories. This is the place of your grief and experiences. It depends only on you what will happen at this place: the longing and pain that have returned again, or something else.
Fill it with creativity. Perhaps there was once a desire to do a hobby, but there was no time. That time has come.
Letter.Getting out of depression after the death of a loved one often does not give one detail that is not attached special significance. Often in moments of sorrow, a single thought gnaws with stubborn constancy. What they did not have time to express to the deceased during his lifetime. This is the love of children for their parents, each other and hundreds of different words, which we do not attach special importance to death.
Write a letter of repentance to a dead person. Let it be on paper or on your own social media page. networks. Write down everything you didn't have time to say. Everything you feel right now. Ask for forgiveness and express your love.
Few people turn to psychologists. Waiting for time to put everything in its place. A year passes, another, but this does not happen. It is necessary to realize the fact that it is up to you to decide when the wound heals. My Soul Hurts. The heart does not want to forget anything. Any careless word or memory returns to a state of severe depression.
The realization that many come out of shock much faster makes the depression even worse. Does everyone bounce back so quickly after the death of a loved one, as it seems from the outside? Knowing how people experience grief at each stage, you yourself will be able to determine what period you have to go through. Keep in mind that in addition to individuality, the process of experiences is also cyclical. The return to the early stages of experience can be temporary and protracted.
Everything is ambiguous. Understanding the various reactions common to people in grief can help those who are suffering. The painful perception of irrevocable separation leads to the fact that people do not understand how to live on after the death of a loved one. Sad experiences and the emotional state of a person are broken down by time.
After death, for several weeks, the mourner has a state of unreality of what is happening. The person refuses to believe what is happening. Appetite disappears, reactions slow down. The general physical condition worsens. On average, it lasts 7-9 days.
Anger and apathy
Often, apathy can be replaced by a feeling of anger. It may occur if all plans and hopes for a happy future are gone with the deceased. A person begins to realize an irretrievable loss, but is not in the mood to believe. It seems that only he can understand his grief. There is no help from relatives in the misfortune that has befallen, support too. The reasons for anger can be completely different. Appears in the mourner often unreasonably. This is an emotional state.
Those close to the mourner need to accept and come to terms with the fact that after a shock, it happens that people who are calm by nature can behave aggressively. Again, everything is individual. Instead of aggression, the exact opposite happens. state of mind when people close in on themselves after a tragedy. Which in itself is much calmer for others, but more negatively affects the mourner. Avoid long periods of loneliness. The process of getting out of depression can be delayed for a longer period.
Search
After the stage of shock, people often see the deceased on the street. The shock state continues at this stage. It usually lasts 5-12 days. They can hear footsteps and the voice of the deceased. The mind does not want to put up with the loss. Seeks to bring back the dead. Denies the very idea of the irretrievability of loss.
acute grief
The shock is replaced by a stage of acute grief. Duration 6-7 weeks. General ailments appear regardless of physical activity: fatigue, shortness of breath, weakness, sleep disturbance. Increased odors and appetite. It happens that the appetite disappears. It feels like a lump is stuck in the throat and sometimes does not allow breathing. The stomach may feel empty.
mood swings
Three or four months begin to alternate days of spiritual upsurge and falls into the abyss of despair. People become overly irritable, quick-tempered. It all depends on the natural warehouse of character and mind. Hot temper is replaced by excessive touchiness. Any careless word is perceived extremely sharply and painfully. The immune system is suppressed. Colds or infections may occur.
Depression
Any thought, affecting the memory of the deceased, makes one shudder internally. The mourner can mentally "communicate" with the deceased. Share all your innermost thoughts and what happened during the day. As long as this “talk” lasts, the depression will continue. It can subside and intensify. It will periodically occur during the next stage - "recovery".
recovery stage
Over the course of 1 year, the mourner gradually tries to come to terms with the fact of irretrievable loss. Depression periodically makes itself felt with painful memories. Each time, grief attacks appear less frequently. The bitterness of the loss of a loved one reminds of itself already in the form of individual attacks. Health and performance returns to normal.
The final and last stage for the grieving people
About a year later, the final stage of mourning begins. At this stage, a return to a full life is carried out. Life is slowly taking over. An understanding comes that it is not worth living only with thoughts about the death of a loved one. At this stage, the mourner, as it were, emotionally says goodbye to the deceased. For some, personal beliefs and cultural rules slow down the final stage. For example, some widows undertake to wear mourning until last days for her dead husband. Different religions hold different views. On a topic with a question how much mourning to wear can be found here.
For grieving people, experiencing grief after the death of a loved one does not require the professional intervention of psychologists. Next to the mourner should be close people who can provide moral support. Only they are allowed to talk about the deceased in an appropriate setting.
It is generally accepted that "spiritual wounds are best left undisturbed." This is already from the category of prejudices. It is necessary to talk about the deceased. Still, do not forget that you can once again inflict pain with a careless word. Check out first phrases that can hurt a grieving person. In the event that there really are no people nearby with whom you can share your grief, you will need to consult a psychologist.
To make the process of experiencing grief less acute or want to speed up the process a little, we suggest reading tips on how to cope with grief after the death of a loved one. .
In this article, we would like to talk about mourning traditions, mourning etiquette, as well as bring interesting historical facts about mourning.
What does mourning mean?
Emotional grief for a person who has passed away is also manifested in external expression: in clothes, emotional behavior.
Each nation at all times had its own characteristics of wearing mourning clothes and their own mourning customs. Each nation in its own way shows sadness, grief over the untimely loss of a loved one. Black color in mourning is generally accepted in Christianity. It is commonly believed that black is a universal color in the expression of grief. Dressing the mourner in black is a tribute to grief and respect for the deceased.
An interesting fact is that in ancient times, wearing black mourning clothes in the event of the death of a loved one was associated not with the idea of expressing respect and grief, but with a superstitious fear of him. It was believed that the spirit of a deceased relative would not be able to recognize them if they dressed in black and could not take them away. The veil on the face was also supposed to mislead the spirits so that they would leave the soul of the one hiding behind the veil alone and not drag it with them to the underworld. Many of the superstitious traditions have come with us to modern times, it is still customary to hang mirrors in the house during funerals, according to one of the beliefs, if the mirrors are left uncovered, after a while you can see the deceased in the reflection.
Samples of mourning clothes of the 17th century
Over time, mourning clothes finally acquired the meaning that we give them today - a sign of mourning.
Modern mourning clothes
There is mourning clothes white color, as an antipode to the symbol of night, death. White is considered a color that personifies divinity, light, purity, truth. This color in mourning clothes is common in India and other countries. South-East Asia.
In China, along with white, pink, red-pink and red-violet are also considered mourning, in Egypt it is yellow, among the Persians - brown, among the gypsies - red.
How much mourning is required?
The duration of mourning is always determined by the mourner himself, and the deeper the feeling of grief from the loss of a dear person, the longer the mourning lasts. There is nothing shameful in the fact that a person can soon find the strength to live on and get out of their mourning.
Mourning implies that people in mourning, for the entire period of mourning, refuse all entertainment and entertainment. Previously, it was believed that the exit from mourning should be preceded by sending all your friends and acquaintances postcards informing about this intention in advance. For as long as such a message is not sent, on its own initiative, society will not risk violating the privacy of a grieving person.
These traditions are reasonable. Mourning clothes serve as a kind of protection for the grieving person. The veil will hide the sad face and tears of a woman in mourning from curious prying eyes. At the sight of mourning, a careless or heartless person, at least, will not be able to ignore the misfortune of another or show disrespect to the deceased. So the rules good manners within the framework of mourning etiquette were fully respected.
Previously, the mourning period for a widow lasted 18 months. The first six months were supposed to wear dull-colored clothes with a white collar and cuffs. Ladies hat - brimless with a long veil. The absence of beads and flowers in the clothes indicated that the mourner was absorbed in deep grief, and not in her appearance. Dark gray kid gloves were worn during the early days of mourning. In the following days it was possible to switch to silk, especially in summer. After six months, clothes of dull colors could be replaced with dresses with discreet trimmings.
After the first year of mourning, a lady, instead of a hat with a long heavy veil, was allowed a lighter option, such as a silk headdress. It was allowed to wear hats of various styles. As a sign of mourning, mourning flowers were worn in the hands and on the wrists. Other colors of the toilet were allowed - gray and purple, mauve, black and white, trimmed with embroidery and black amber beads.
Men in those days usually wore dark monochrome suits, which were suitable for both mourning and office. It was accepted that widowers stopped mourning and went out into society much earlier than widows.
At the discretion of the parents, sometimes children were dressed in mourning clothes. The girl was sewn the same dress that her mother would wear. For example, for semi-mourning, the dress and hat were trimmed with a black bandage, and the buttons on the dress were made of black amber.
Servants usually mourned for the head of the family, but sometimes for other family members as well.
From this article you will learn what mourning is, as well as how personal mourning differs from state mourning.
The meaning of mourning
In the conventional sense, mourning involves the wearing dark clothes and a ban on entertainment during certain period time: from several months to a year - according to the closest relatives. During this time, widowers, as a rule, do not enter into new marriage. However, what is the meaning of this long external grief, and is it necessary to observe strict mourning.
"When the heads European countries declare state mourning for the death of some prince of Bourbon or Savoy, how do they forget to declare mourning for the violent death of thousands and thousands of human beings, each of whom is a prince in the eyes of God? If European peoples were truly enlightened, they would establish state and popular mourning for any war at any point the globe. In the name of compassion, restaurants, gambling houses and cinemas would be closed, all entertainment would be prohibited while brotherly blood was shed. How heaven would rejoice if the Slavs were the first to establish such an order!
Serbia has declared three days of mourning in connection with the death of its Patriarch. After his death, mourning was not declared, although the whole country mourned, everyone who could came to say goodbye to the Patriarch. All entertaining television and radio programs look like a terrible dissonance and a real insult not only to religious feelings, but also to the simplest human ones.
Is it possible to force the sharing of grief, the reader will ask. Is it worth showing a person what he may not want to see, is it worth limiting his freedom given by God? Or maybe vice versa, without replacing entertainment shows, we deprive a person of freedom? After all, it seems that from the stories about Patriarch Pavle of Serbia, many interesting programs could be made that would truly reveal the great man to the world. On the days of the funeral of Patriarch Alexy, the broadcast of the funeral of the Patriarch had the highest rating among non-entertainment programs: the people themselves made their choice.
This is how St. Nicholas of Serbia writes with sorrow about the feast amid suffering: “Do you enjoy food and drink, fun and cinema, laughter and jokes when you mentally reach the Manchurian fields and see frozen, bloody, hungry and bestial people, descendants of the same progenitor, from which your people and we are descended? Every evening you listen to the radio and think that from his chatter you become smarter. The most important thing that could be reported by radio today is the groans of thousands of wounded and dying, the sobs of mothers, widows and children of two great powers. All of them are the same as you, people, living souls, thirsting for life and happiness. And above them the same sun shines as above you. And just like you, the weeping eye of God looks at them.”
Search line: 40 daysRecords found: 975
Good afternoon Icon fell at my house Mother of God Kazanskaya. How to be?
Ksenia
Ksenia, you need to take care of icons and Orthodox shrines. It is necessary to place the icon more securely or fix it so that it does not fall again. Go to church and confess all your sins and take communion. Before communion, you need to prepare and fast for at least 3 days. Be more careful with icons.
Hieromonk Viktorin (Aseev)
Hello, father! My grandfather died, how many days do I need to wear a black bandage on my head? I heard that up to forty days, and someone says up to 9 days. Thank you in advance.
Love
Love, there are no such rules - about how much to wear a mourning bandage on your head - in the church. It's just a tradition. There are no deadlines, you can wear up to 9 days, or you can not wear at all. As you wish. Most importantly, remember that the first forty days are the most important for the soul of the deceased, and these days you need to pray for it purely.
Hieromonk Viktorin (Aseev)
On what day after the grandmother's funeral can you go to a friend's wedding?
Irina Koval
Irina, usually we pray for the deceased only for the first 40 days, and, of course, it is undesirable to attend weddings, birthdays and other entertainments on these days. But after 40 days, you can safely go to a friend's wedding.
Hieromonk Viktorin (Aseev)
Hello! Tell me, please, my grandfather died on May 19, 2014, after how many days can I distribute his things? Thank you.
Natalia
Natalya, for the first 40 days after death, the soul goes through air ordeals, and in these days go by the struggle between a demon and an angel for the human soul. This is exactly what the soul needs good deeds, prayer for it and alms. Therefore, it is best to distribute the things of the deceased immediately after death, up to 40 days.
Hieromonk Viktorin (Aseev)
Hello, father! I have a young man in prison, I don’t know how to wait for him, and whether it’s worth it. He loves me very much and wants me to wait for him. But in Lately I have no strength anymore, I'm tired. Although it's only been about 2 months, he's far away. It remains for him to sit somewhere for six months or a year, we still cannot communicate with him for all these days, we only called him once, but he really hopes that I will wait for him, this gives him strength, he did not love anyone as much as me. He sincerely loves me and is ready to do anything for me. I don't know if I can wait, or if it's worth it. Can you recommend some prayers and some other advice about this? Thank you!
Catherine
Dear Ekaterina, The test of separation can temper love, and maybe show that it was not. Is it worth the wait, only you can answer. Be honest with yourself. If you wait because you love, you will overcome everything. It will be good to read the Gospel - for example, a chapter a day, remembering your friend. May God help you.
Priest Sergiy Osipov
Hello. I heard this quote: "It's not good for a man to be alone..." I changed my place of residence 10 years ago, moved in with my relatives. My relatives did not understand me and did not accept me (as they did at the previous place of residence and work), local people I don't find common language- they are cunning, vile and rude towards me. I didn’t find friends, I’m not respected by relatives from the first days - criticism, gossip, insults - everything comes from my godmother (she hates her godson - for wealth, and me - for straightforwardness and unwillingness to please her over trifles, although I left her husband after a stroke). There are constant squabbles in my family - I can no longer communicate with them, I feel bad with them. Mom always justifies relatives and looks for my guilt before them. I understand how it looks: everyone is bad, but I am good, and of course, this does not happen, but it was like that, from 5 years old, as I remember. Relatives said that I was mocking my mother and they still say so, although I defended her from her father who was throwing herself at her - everyone felt sorry for her, and I was a nerve-wracker. Mom is a victim who did not understand when to close her mouth, even after my requests to be silent (I saw that my father was inflamed and was afraid). Now I'm in my father's place - I'm shaking from her "I just said." My father is in prison for killing his partner (we ran away from him when I was 13). My nerves are completely frayed, I'm afraid to become like a father. But I notice that the dialogues of her and her father are repeated with the mother, only now the father's remarks are mine. It scares me. I can’t find a confessor here - I probably don’t trust anyone anymore. But mental loneliness weighs me down. I did not get married at 35. I have no children. My life has turned 180 degrees with the move. Why does God, although he helps me out of troubles, but it seems that he does not let me good people? I know pride is my sin. But I can’t be friends with just anyone and marry the first person who comes along, and forgive my relatives who have never once asked me for forgiveness for the nasty things that they casually throw in my face. And I don’t feel good alone, and in the society where I found myself, it’s also not good. How to be?
Elena
Hello, Elena. I'm really sorry for you, believe me. We ourselves create heaven or hell for ourselves, and carry them within ourselves. You listed all the evil that surrounds you, but did not say anything about your own sins. After all, we have not been given a commandment to demand love for ourselves, we have been given another one: as you want people to do to you, so do you to them. Not the way we think they deserve it, but the way we want to be treated. Moreover, don't even think of others what you don't want them to think of you. We do not see people, we do not see their essence, their souls, their hearts, we only see their skin. Agree that it is naive and stupid to believe that the skin is the person. We see actions, hear words, but we do not see the reason, we do not see the struggle between good and evil in the human soul. But she's coming. We know ourselves a little more, but somehow we find it superfluous to worry about studying ourselves. You are in a difficult position right now. At first you built a fortress around yourself, but it turned out that you built a crypt. You have to destroy it, otherwise you will remain in it. Now it is vital for you to force yourself to help people who are very ill, immensely worse than you: legless, armless, dying. Jump out of the shell of self-pity in which you have imprisoned yourself. Trust me, it's death. After all, you can’t even repent now. You need to cry not from annoyance, resentment and self-pity, but from sympathy for a person for whom there is no hope left. After all, you have something, there is a way out, there is hope, there is a future. That's when your liberation will begin.
Priest Alexander Beloslyudov
Hello, I have a question. The situation is this: our grandmother died in our family, but she is not my direct grandmother, she is my grandfather's sister. 40 days will be July 3, and June 21 will be my daughter's birthday, 2 years old, is it possible to celebrate? I'm really looking forward to the answer, because I'm confused. Thanks in advance.
Sofia
Sofya, for the first 40 days, you need to purely pray for the dead, because. they can no longer pray for themselves. Celebrating a birthday right now is not entirely appropriate. I advise you to celebrate your daughter's birthday after 40 days, for example, July 4 (this will only happen this year, then you can celebrate as usual). And your soul will be at peace.
Hieromonk Viktorin (Aseev)
Hello! On July 1, my mother-in-law is 40 days old. It so happens that we cannot come to them, and there is no one to arrange a big funeral dinner. Is it possible to have a wake without such a dinner? With a commemoration in the church and a memorial dinner in several houses?
Svetlana
Svetlana, why so much fuss, why arrange funeral dinners in several houses? After all, the most important thing in commemorating the dead is a prayer for them, and not a memorial meal at all. Go to church on July 1 and pray for the repose of your mother-in-law - this is the most important thing.
Hieromonk Viktorin (Aseev)
Christ is Risen! Thanks a lot for answering my previous question, I tried to do everything as Priest Vladimir Shlykov advised. A few more questions arose: 1) Is it possible to read the Psalter (in particular, kathisma 17) for the deceased after 40 days, and what else can be read? 2) The priest in the church, after my first confession, did not allow me to take communion yet, since I live in a sinful "civil marriage." We submitted an application to the registry office, we will sign it only after two months (it doesn’t work out before, everything is busy), and therefore I keep thinking, am I helping my dad’s soul, praying hard for him, but at the same time being such a sinner? 3) Can I go to confession without the sacrament and mention of this particular sin? Sorry that there are so many questions at once, but I recently came to faith in God, and in church I just can’t overcome myself and go to the priest to ask everything. Thanks in advance for your reply.
Elena
Elena, any prayer for the deceased is welcome. Take a blessing from the priest and pray. Other prayers for the deceased can be found on our website in the Prayer Book section. Praying for others is our responsibility. Prayer of repentance will always be heard by God. You can and should confess without communion. And after you register the marriage, come to the priest who forbade communion, and resolve this issue.
Priest Vladimir Shlykov
1. In my prayer book, in a prayer for the living, it is written: "... save, Lord, and have mercy on the Most Holy Ecumenical Bishop (name)", etc. What is the name of the Ecumenical Bishop? 2. Do I need to be baptized at the entrance to the cemetery, at the exit and at the grave? Do I need to read any prayer at the same time?
Tatiana
1. Here we mean the Ecumenical Patriarchate, also known as Constantinople. In our time, the Patriarch of Constantinople is Bartholomew. 2. And this is a matter of your will and desire: if the soul asks, why not cross yourself, give yourself this joy. Special prayers are not required at the entrance to the cemetery, however, out of a pious feeling, you can read the troparion “God rest with the saints” or, given that now are Easter days, “If thou hast descended into the grave, Immortal”, “Flesh asleep” and other hymns Easter. Yes, and "Christ is Risen" can be said to the departed. The lives of the saints speak of the Kiev-Pechersk saint, the Monk Dionysius, who once descended into the caves to the deceased brethren, and exclaimed to them: “Christ is Risen!” And the departed brethren answered him: “Truly He is risen!” At that moment, such grace enveloped the monk that he asked the rector's permission never to leave the caves again and spent the rest of his days there in labor and prayer.
hegumen Nikon (Golovko)
Hello! Here people bring food on the eve. Is this a sacrifice to the Lord God, or is it just like a reward for the prayer work of the clergy, and has nothing to do with the Lord God? It’s just that in the Third Book of Moses Leviticus it is written that sacrifices to the Lord should not be left for several days, they must be eaten either on the first day or in the first two days, the period depends on the Sacrifice. Correct me if I wrote wrong. And then you have to burn what is left not eaten. For example, chapter 22: "If you bring a sacrifice of thanksgiving to the Lord, then bring it so that it acquires favor with you; on the same day you must eat it, do not leave it until morning. I am the Lord." Now, are such foodstuffs an offering to the Lord that should not be left out for long days? Pardon my ignorance and misunderstanding. Thank you.
Andrey
Andrew, Christian canons differ from the Old Testament customs. Products on the eve are brought to commemorate the dead. Then they are partly given to the priests, partly remain in the church refectory and are distributed to the poor. You don't need to overthink anything.
Priest Vladimir Shlykov
Good afternoon, please tell me, is it possible to distribute the things of the deceased up to 40 days, or is it better to do after? Are only personal belongings handed out, or bed linen and dishes, too? And can I keep some memorabilia for myself? And how to pray for the dead?
Natalia
You can distribute things when it is more convenient for you. You can keep something for yourself, and what you consider necessary to distribute - distribute it as a prayerful memory of the deceased. You can pray at home (for example, there is a corresponding prayer at the end of the morning rule), in the temple order a liturgy for repose, memorial services, commemoration on the Psalter.
Priest Vladimir Shlykov
Father, Christ is Risen! Please help me understand the rules fast days on Wednesday and Friday. At what hour should one begin fasting in food and abstaining from entertainment and marital intimacy? I met several different opinions on this matter: somewhere, both, and another - from midnight to midnight. Somewhere it is said that fasting in food is from midnight (from 00 o'clock on Wednesday) to midnight (until 00 o'clock on Thursday), and abstinence from marital intimacy - from 18 o'clock Tuesday to 18 o'clock Wednesday. How is it right anyway? And which hours are related to entertainment: like in food or intimacy? God bless you!
Pelagia
Truly, Christ is risen, Pelageya! Fasting in food is logically associated with the Eucharistic fast and tied to midnight. Christians exclude marital intimacy "on the eve" of communion, therefore all dark time those who come at 18 hours of the church day are abstained. What hours you classify as entertainment, decide for yourself; the main thing is to observe the established - so that the fast does not begin at 24 hours, but ends at 17. God bless you.
Priest Sergiy Osipov
Hello, my dad died. Found it late for a long time later. How to count 40 days? How can I ask him for forgiveness? Is it possible to take the icons of the Matrona and the Guardian Angel to the cemetery? What can be done to calm his soul? What if the mirrors were open while he was indoors?
Diana
Diana, in this case, forty days are counted from the date indicated in the medical certificate of death. There is no need to wear icons to the cemetery - there is no point, besides, they will deteriorate there from bad weather. Icons should hang at home, you need to pray in front of them. Ask for forgiveness at his grave, as best you can. You need to go to church, confess your sins and take communion. It is necessary, first of all, to live worthily and not to sin. The rest of his soul depends on his life lived and on your prayers for him. Why cover mirrors? What's the point of this? There are no such superstitions in the church.
Hieromonk Viktorin (Aseev)
Father, tell me, please, how to count 40 days? Dad was found in his apartment, it is not known when he died. The experts did not set the date of death, they wrote from the head. By cell phone, we found out when the last conversation was, but he could not use it for 5-7 days. Focus on the date of his last conversation + 7 days? And another question, is it possible to leave icons from the church on the grave: the Guardian Angel and St. Matrons? Is it possible to ask for forgiveness from the deceased? Because Dad was buried additionally in a cellophane bag, we cut it at the cemetery, and the priest said to put the scissors in the coffin. The scissors were from home, is that correct? Thank you.
Diana
Christ is risen, Diana! The experts were probably no more wrong than a week from the last call on my father's mobile. You can accept their date, you can calculate. Now it doesn't matter. Icons from the funeral stand in the temple on the canon (a table with a crucifix and a candlestick) until the fortieth day (now, it happens, they give it away right away), and then they are taken home as a keepsake. You can ask for forgiveness even after the burial. Pray for the deceased, remember him and ask for forgiveness. They said to put the scissors in the coffin so as not to carry it home - often people are embarrassed by things related to burial. This means nothing. God bless you.
Priest Sergiy Osipov
Hello! I got married and lived with my husband for 2.5 years, he drank, did not spend the night at home for 3, 4, 5 days, sometimes he drank for a week, we fought because of this, he was coded, but at the same time I did not want to leave him, and hoped that he would stop drinking, I was sorry to leave him, I thought that maybe he would pass it. He did not stop drinking, and I decided to leave him, they gave me a room in a hostel from work. Six months passed, and we began to meet again (remained married), we wanted to live together again, he persuaded me that everything would be fine, and I loved him and believed him. When I found out that I was pregnant, he drank again and did not appear for 3 weeks, when he arrived, I began to scold him for this, and he began to come to me once a week, when I called him, he hung up when we met, then I told him that he was not behaving correctly and that I was offended that I lived alone in a hostel, that there was no one else there for me, and that they didn’t pay a salary, and that I wanted to be near him, and he lives without problems without me, walks with friends and no longer thinks about renting an apartment. Since then, he stopped seeing me altogether, and I found out that he lives with another girl in her apartment and filed for divorce. At that time, I was six months pregnant, his mother did not love me, because I did not have rich parents, and there was no good dowry and money at all, she supported him, and when I was in the hospital with the threat of a miscarriage, she did not she let him in and scolded him, if he went to me, I knew about it and I was very offended, we fought with my husband because of this, and now she was glad that he had left me and that she had met a girl with an apartment, car and money. He accused me of everything, that I was to blame for everything, that I sawed him, that I cursed for no reason, and that I myself ruined everything. When I went on maternity leave, I went home, to the village to my parents, far away. Now I have given birth to a son and we got divorced, the child is a year and three months old, and all this time I have been suffering and thinking that this is my fault, that this is a sin. Tell me, who is guilty of divorce, is he right, is it a sin?
Ira, unfortunately, your trouble is that you got married without thinking about the consequences. Your husband, I believe, drank and fornicated before marriage? But you risked starting a family with him and conceiving a child from him ... The fact that you didn’t have an abortion, you did it! The child is not responsible for the father. But here is your foolishness... You need to repent of this in the temple at confession.
Archpriest Maxim Khyzhiy
Is it possible to attend the wake (40 days) of my father if this day coincides with my birthday?
