How to develop emotional intelligence in a woman. What is emotional intelligence and why is it important to develop it from childhood

Emotional intelligence is the development of skills such as understanding and own feelings and the emotions of the people around. Thanks to this, we can effectively manage the reaction to the feelings of others and, thus, be more productive in our work. the main task in the development of emotional intelligence - not to suppress or ignore difficult emotions or feelings, but to intelligently control them.

Exactly emotional intellect distinguishes successful leaders from all others. more productive in hiring new employees, better motivating colleagues, efficient in the service sector. But emotional intelligence is important at any stage of your career, especially if you want to achieve high level responsibility for your work. And in other aspects of life, EI allows you to be happier, healthier and strengthen relationships. So how do you improve emotional intelligence and make it work for you?

1. Develop emotional self-awareness

Emotions can cause a person to behave in unusual and often unproductive ways, and self-awareness will improve your ability to understand and interpret own emotions moods and internal motives. This practice will help you recognize the emotional states of other people and understand what is behind their words and actions. In short, if you don't understand your own motivations and behaviors, you won't understand others either.

What to do for this:

• Speak three phrases every day that begin with the words “I feel …” - through this technique, you will gradually learn to accurately identify your emotions and increase self-awareness.
• Take time each day to experience the emotion - articulate how you feel and why.
• Remind yourself that emotions are fickle and short-lived, and therefore cannot be the basis for communication and decision making.
• Reflect on how negative emotions—frustration, rejection, anger, or jealousy—affect your colleagues and clients.
• Identify your fears and desires. This will help you better understand what worries you and drives you.
• Check how you react to stress. Do you get frustrated every time something doesn't go the way you planned?

2. Emotional self-control

It is important to develop the ability to control impulsive reactions and emotions that negatively affect your potential and leadership. This is the next step after the development of self-awareness. In short, self-control is the ability to rise above pathetic explanations, jealousy, relapses, and not let your emotions control you. Through self-control, you will think before you act and build a reputation as a reliable member of any team.

Self-control techniques:

• Don't let yourself side with one side or the other during office dramas and conflicts.
• If the situation is emotionally difficult and charged, step back for a while, do not make a decision right away. Analyze your emotions.
• Accept the fact that life is volatile and frustration and disappointment are part of any job. And the professional response to them is brainstorming and strategy development, not complaints and suspension from work.
• Don't join the blame game, don't point fingers at everyone and everything around you. Except for yourself: learn and accept your mistakes.
• Stay focused on yourself and the things you can control, not on things that are out of your control.
• Find ways to respond to emotions that don't involve spontaneous reactions or bad language.

3. Develop the ability to show empathy

Sympathy - natural way in development emotional self-awareness. It allows you to move away from your personal experience and see and understand the problem from another person's point of view. By developing empathy, you show your ability to treat people with respect, kindness, dignity, and professionalism. Empathetic people are good at recognizing the feelings of others, even if they are not obvious.

How to develop empathy:

• Live by the golden rule - treat others the way you want to be treated.
• It is easy to maintain your point of view, guided by this feeling, put yourself in the place of another person and look at the situation from his position.
• Develop the ability to listen and reflect on what your interlocutor said.
• At least once a day, ask how the person is feeling, for example, on a scale of 0 to 10. This will encourage others to express their emotions and understand them better.
• Acknowledge other people's anxieties and feelings - let them know that you see their source and realize the value of their point of view.

4. Work on your motivation

Motivation is passion and enthusiasm in your work and career that cannot be explained by money or status, it is what helps you realize your internal goals and do it with enviable perseverance.

How to improve motivation:

• At any difficult situation and even if you fail, try to find at least one good thing.
• Record the moment when you think and speak in a negative way. Stop doing this, pause and once again “roll through” all your thoughts and words in your mind. Change them to positive ones, even if you have to pretend at first.
• It's easy to forget what you really love about your job. Take time to remember and articulate it, and main reason why you want to be successful in what you do.
• Remember that people are attracted to positive, energetic and inspiring people. If you increase motivation, you will get more attention from colleagues, top managers and clients.
• Set yourself inspiring yet achievable goals. Make a list of what needs to be done to achieve them. Reward yourself when you reach key goals.

5. Improve your communication skills

An important aspect of emotional intelligence is the ability to interact well with other people, but this does not mean that introverts or shy people have low EI. Communication skills can take different forms, because this is not only the ability to be friendly, but also the ability to listen, persuade, verbal and non-verbal communication skills. Leaders with high emotional intelligence are often very good at communicating, resolving conflicts and sharing their vision with the team - they set an example of behavior and values ​​that others can follow.

How to improve communication skills:

• Study conflicts and their solutions, this will help in difficult situations with colleagues, clients or suppliers.
• Learn to praise others, so you inspire the team and make it loyal.
• Try to understand the person you are talking to. You can't have just one approach that works for everyone at work.

Do you want to control your emotions, be happy without external stimuli? The highest level of development of emotional intelligence is all that is needed for this. It will provide a constant inner life that satisfies you (you will easily understand what you need right now), a rational and productive solution of issues without including unnecessary, unnecessary or dangerous emotions. It is easy to understand, manage and regulate one's own and others'. From the article you will learn exactly how to do this.

“To be happy, you need to constantly strive for this happiness and understand it. It does not depend on circumstances, but on oneself.” – Leo Tolstoy domestic writer and thinker.

Emotional control automatically implies mind control. You can’t be productive in a situation of emotional “slagging” or make serious decisions in moments of anxiety, anger,. Why develop emotional intelligence? To think clearly and in the right direction than to speed up the flow of things in your life and ensure ease of communication and relationships.

A person who is able to control emotions is cheerful and active. His life is a world of opportunities and joy, for which it is impossible not to love it. His opposite is a hostage of negative and chaotic thoughts, a gloomy and dissatisfied type. For inappropriate emotions, he has to pay with health, money, reputation, sometimes life.

Emotional intelligence (EQ) - the basis of charm, the ability to remain balanced in any situation. In addition, it is the key to productive and strong relationships in and at work. Understanding other people's emotions is an essential component for. And we have to communicate every day.

Emotional intelligence allows you to:

• express and understand emotions (own and others);
• include emotions in reasoning;
• evaluate emotions and determine their causes;
• control and manage emotions.

People with a high level of emotional intelligence:

• are more efficient and productive;
• more than others are satisfied with their appearance (especially girls) and weight;
• more accurately than others, emotions are determined by facial expressions;
• more responsible attitude to study, work (fewer passes for disrespectful reasons).

Signs of Low Emotional Intelligence

You can determine for sure the level of EQ and the need for its development using special tests. However, there are several signs that make you suspect a low level of emotional intelligence:

• self-doubt, doubt about the correctness of actions;
• excessive self-criticism;
• problems and difficulties in communication, inability to find mutual language with people;
• modest and unprejudiced attitude towards other people.

How to develop emotional intelligence

We are talking about the development of a skill, respectively, the same methods of development are applicable as in the formation of other skills. But first, pay attention to the conditions of development:

• daily workouts;
• patience and discipline;
• high motivation.

Gaining control over your own, and even more so, other people's emotions is not easy. Do not expect an easy and quick victory, be prepared for difficulties and small steps back for a powerful leap forward. So, how to develop emotional intelligence:

1. Study yours. They influence what, when and how you feel. The conditions and specifics of decision-making are also determined by other mental characteristics. For example, due to innate reasons, it is very difficult for a choleric person to control emotions, and a phlegmatic person experiences obvious difficulties in understanding them. Conduct a full-fledged personal diagnosis using psychological techniques. Remember that a person changes daily, even innate features are corrected. Monitor yourself, commit changes with . You need to find out who you are, and only then learn to understand how you feel.
2. Be aware, relaxed and open. Knowing your emotions begins with meditation and relaxation, that is, gaining the maximum unity of the body and mind. Master these and others, for example, breathing. They will allow you to maintain and restore rationality in tense situations, limit you from making rash decisions.
3. Determine which component of emotional intelligence needs to be improved: expression and understanding of emotions, reasoning and comparison, assessment and search for causes, management. Determine your level of emotional intelligence.
4. Once you know your emotions, move on to studying other people. Start by trying to put yourself in the other person's shoes. Why is the person angry? Is he tired, offended, dissatisfied with his life? Do this exercise every day - come up with as many reasons (sources) as possible for a particular emotion (feeling).
5. Keep a mood diary and learn to differentiate emotions. Learn to express your feelings, to distinguish anxiety from fear, and anger from resentment. Record the dynamics of feelings. This will allow you to determine the roots of emotions, the percentage of positive and negative and the prevailing emotions.
6. Develop, broaden your horizons. Limited thinking and perception also limits the understanding of emotions. Watch movies, read books, create, go to exhibitions. The more you are involved in large areas, the more you will get to know versatile and unique people, realize the impossibility of generalization and the diversity of human feelings.
7. Break down your environment into vital and non-essential people. Focus your emotional intelligence on the first group. With loved ones, emotional communication should be especially interesting and meaningful. Surround yourself with those who want to learn from, harmonious and emotionally intelligent people.
8. Learn to think ahead, don't make promises you can't keep. Do not promise, even if you are sure that you can handle it. In addition to subjective factors, life is influenced by external stimuli that cannot always be predicted.
9. Shape and responsibility for own life. You are the source of all events in the script of life. Learn to be independent of external circumstances.

When realizing deep psychological problems and, interfering with your own work on the development of emotional intelligence, contact a psychotherapist.

Exercises to develop individual EQ components

mindfulness

Plug your ears and strain your visual analyzer as much as possible. Take a close look at everything around you. Gradually, the picture should become brighter, and you will notice new details in your familiar environment.

Then close your eyes and strain your ears. Under normal conditions, we perceive sounds at a distance of a maximum of 1.5 meters from us. Concentrate, you should hear more.

The third step is to close your eyes and ears, feel. You must be aware of your body and its interaction with the outside world. You may feel a breeze or a sway.

It is enough to carry out the technique once a week to learn how to better recognize intonations and short-term facial expressions. You will be able to more accurately determine the true and hidden motives of the interlocutor, messages in your direction, as well as your reactions to this. In addition, you will better understand how the body reacts to certain emotions.

Adaptability (adaptation to situations)

Write the names of the emotions on the cards. Pull out the cards one by one and depict the emotions that are written on them. The exercise can be carried out in the form of a game in the company.

Self-esteem

Define your "power pose". What it is? A pose that increases the level of dopamine - the hormone of joy, pleasure, activity, euphoria. The most popular power poses include: straight, extended posture, upturned nose and chin, raised hands. Standing in such positions in public is not worth it - they will not understand it that way. But at home, you need to devote a minute to your posture of strength. It is also effective to stand in this position before negotiations - during them it will be easier to remember and assimilate information, you will feel more confident.

Motivation

Write down 10 of your favorite activities. Now name each of them with one verb that conveys the content as accurately as possible. One verb - one month. Now 10 days in each month you need to live under the motto of a particular verb.

Afterword

There is an interesting opinion that emotional intelligence is wisdom. In this context, wisdom refers to the ability to combine the mind, logic and emotions. It can also be said that emotional intelligence is a complex of social skills, empathy, motivation (adequately overcoming failures and difficulties, perceiving new things, building plans and goals, striving for self-actualization), and awareness (awareness of one’s thoughts and emotions, body and behavior). Emotional intelligence is the balance of mind and heart golden mean that many dream of. It is possible and necessary to develop EQ and increase its level throughout life.

Quest "Reminders"

Set up a reminder system on your phone (at least 2 reminders a day). Do it randomly. At the time of the signal, determine what emotions you experienced immediately before the signal (most likely, at the time of the signal you will experience slight irritation J) remember and write it down.

Quest "Emotion Diary"

Get a notebook or notepad. Determine the most convenient time for you (morning, evening). At this time, you will record the results of the day's work daily. Throughout the day, keep track of what emotions you experience, what caused these emotions, track the general background of mood.
At the time you have chosen, record the facts: what are the most powerful emotions you remember today, at what moments they arose. Write down in the same way what sensations arose in the body during the experience of these emotions, what thoughts visited you at that moment?
Record your observations in free form or in a table

Fact (situation, person)

Thoughts
physical sensations
Emotions

Exercise "Settings about emotions"
This exercise allows you to analyze what attitudes you have about emotions? To do this, remember everything that comes to your mind: what your parents, teachers or others said significant people what you read in literature or saw in the movies, what proverbs, sayings and catchphrases about emotions?
After you have written down everything you can remember, analyze how these attitudes and beliefs affect your behavior and / or emotional condition? Would you like to change any of them?

Exercise "What does a negative emotion signal to us?"
Choose an emotion that you consider negative. Which you do not like and strive to hide with all your might. Recall situations in which you experienced this emotion.
. What do you think, what is the reason that she appeared precisely at these moments?
. What did she want to tell you? What is important to pay attention to? What
will change if you start listening to this information?
. How did this emotion help you? What was good about this emotion arising?
. What happens if you allow yourself to experience and sometimes express that emotion?
As long as we do not recognize the presence of an emotion, “do not see it”, we cannot see the situation as a whole well, that is, we do not have sufficient information. And of course, without recognizing the presence of some emotion, we cannot part with it, it remains somewhere inside in the form of muscle clamps, psychological trauma and other troubles.

Exercises for Developing Skills to Understand the Emotions of Others

"Silent TV"
Turn on the TV and turn off the sound. Find some Feature Film and watch it for a while, observing the gestures, facial expressions and location in space of the characters and reflecting on what emotions they are currently experiencing. This is a very exciting process.
If you don't really enjoy watching feature films this way, watch some TV debates or the news. Watch a piece of a familiar movie and a piece of an unfamiliar one. What is the difference in the observation process? Does knowledge of the plot hinder or help to compare "non-verbal" with emotions? Compare films of different genres. American and French. What are the similarities and differences non-verbal behavior V different cultures? Watch a movie where they play famous actors, and some cheap series. Compare the non-verbal expressions of the actors with real people in some reporting program.

"Public transport"
This game has extra bonus. To watch a silent TV, you need to have time, a TV or computer, and the consent of relatives to use it. When you are on public transport, you only need time that can be spent on useful activities. Therefore, when you are tired of the newspaper that you bought for a trip to the subway, or the book you took on the train or plane ran out, it is quite possible to switch to this game. What do these people feel? If you see a couple, what kind of relationship are they in? If someone tells something to someone, then a funny story or sad?

Exercises to develop the skills to manage your emotions

"Breath"
Develop a habit: if you become aware of an emotion, and you don’t like it and interfere, immediately begin to pay attention to your breathing and start breathing a little more slowly, paying attention to your exhalation.

"Bodily Methods"
Choose a bodily method of emotion management that can be used in almost any situation. For example, imperceptibly clench-unclench fists. Stand up on tiptoe a few times. Get up, walk around a bit and sit down again. Practice using it at least once an hour.

"Problems"
Write a list of current problems for you. Remember maximum amount problems (note that there may be some difficulties at first, and then the process will go We are good at looking for problems.
Now reformulate these problems into goals. Make sure to formulate goals in a positive way, that is, without using the “not” particle, as well as the words “quit”, “stop”, “stop”. Formulate goals as specifically as possible, be sure to determine the date by which you plan to achieve them.
Notice how your emotional state has changed from when you started.

"Resource State"
1. Exercise is best done while standing. Recall a situation, a moment in life when you were in a resourceful state. Recreate this situation, remember it in great detail: the resource state will reappear. Immerse yourself in your feelings, imagine yourself in this state.
2. Create a portrait of this state with the help of the following questions ...
Where exactly is "it" in your body?
What form is this feeling?
- What size is this feeling?
- What colour?
- What images and/or words come from the past?
- Does "it" have a temperature?
- What "it" to the touch?
What is the limit of this feeling?
- Does "it" move?
- What material does it look like: wood, metal, air, water, cotton wool?
- Can it be moved?
3. Set a threshold in front of you or draw a line and go beyond it while in a resourceful state.

"Boast"
Every day, write down what you did well and successfully today. What did you do? What made you happy?
We do not urge you to constantly be in positive mood. As we remember, fear, anger and sadness are also useful emotions, and by allowing only positive emotions into our lives, we lose a large number of information and we may miss something important. At the same time, when we are positively disposed, it is much more difficult for us to upset or piss us off. Thus, a positive approach provides us with a solid footing and a kind of protection against the excessive influence of unpleasant events and emotions on us.

Exercises to Develop Skills for Managing the Emotions of Others

Exercise "Emotional balance"
Choose any personal or business relationship. For personal relationships, it is enough to remember a period from several days to a week; for business relationships, it is better to take a longer period - one to two months. Divide the sheet with a vertical line in half, designate the left column as “+”, the right column as “-”. Write down in the left column all your actions that, in your opinion, improved the state of your account (those actions that improved the mood of your partner), in the right - worsened it. See how you have affected your emotional balance in that relationship over this period. Have you been able to improve it or at least keep it the same? Or does the number of actions in the right column begin to depressingly prevail?
If you're the type of person who only has a bunch of great actions in the left column, ask yourself if you're not balancing that too? Are you giving too much to your partners and asking too little in return?
In both cases, it is worth drawing up a plan of action that will help you maintain a balance in a more or less balanced state. It is useful to carry out such an analysis for yourself at least once a month for the most significant figures and "bills" and every few months - for people important to you.

Exercise "Emotional motivators in my company"
Think about it and write down what you can do to maintain a constant atmosphere of drive, excitement and enthusiasm in your company.

Most of you are probably familiar with the concept of intelligence level or IQ, and many of you probably took IQ tests at school, university or at work. Thus, the first method for measuring mental abilities such as memory, attention and decision making logical tasks, created by Alfred Binet in the early 1900s, became very popular and spread throughout the world. Well, after refinement by researchers and scientists, this technique has turned into familiar IQ tests for all of you. And today, most psychologists use tests to measure intelligence and, based on the results, try to determine whether this or that job is suitable for him. And it seems that there are no complaints about IQ tests, everything is smooth and smooth, and most importantly, it works. But is it possible, based on the results of such tests, to obtain an adequate assessment of human abilities?

One of the problems that psychologists constantly faced was that some people, with a fairly high level of intelligence, did not know how to manage their emotions at all. On the other hand, a person with relatively low level of intellectual abilities surprisingly showed a fairly high level of emotional stability and controlled his emotions quite well. Similar real life examples different people from all over the world forced researchers to think about creating an additional scale that would allow them to measure the level of human emotional abilities. It was very difficult to do this, but already in 1990, the first attempt to define emotional intelligence by Salovem and Mayer was published and it sounded like this: “Emotional intelligence is the ability to control feelings and emotions of one’s own and other people, as well as recognize them and use this information for guidance. in your thoughts and actions.

Speaking more scientific language, a definition of emotional intelligence might look like this: Emotional intelligence is emotional awareness and emotion management skills that enable you to create a balance between your emotions and your mind in order to achieve greater long-term happiness.". Having a high level of emotional intelligence means being able to recognize your emotions and change them according to own will. Thus, a good memory and the ability to solve problems are not enough to be considered truly reasonable person, but add here the ability to manage your emotions and we see everything in a completely different light. Emotional intelligence makes it possible to acquire and apply knowledge about your emotions and the emotions of other people and make your life more complete and rich. joyful events and intense emotions. With the development of emotional intelligence, we become able to better control our own lives, and most importantly, to enjoy it more.

If you want to roughly estimate your level of emotional intelligence, answer the following questions:

• 1. Can you express your feelings?
• 2. Do you listen to other people's opinions?
• 3. When you are stressed, do you act intelligently?
• 4. Do you easily adapt to unexpected changes in your life?
• 5. Do you take responsibility for your actions and deeds?
• 6. Are you able to recognize your emotions as they arise?
• 7. Are you in control of your strong emotions and impulses?

Even one “no” answer to the above questions suggests that your level of emotional intelligence is not high enough, especially if you answer no to the seventh question. Many researchers tend to believe that the inability to cope with one's stress can not only harm a person's well-being, but also reduce his emotional abilities, leading to the so-called temporary rollback. Subsequently, if you do not take decisive steps to eliminate stress and manage your emotions, you may notice that your behavior becomes less and less appropriate. It is important that this process can be reversed, but this will require serious work on yourself.

You probably know most of the mental skills required for a high IQ, but what skills should a high level of emotional intelligence include? Peter Salovey and John Mayer identified abilities in five main areas in their definition of emotional intelligence. So.

Emotional intelligence includes:

1. Self-awareness. This is emotional awareness, which includes the ability to determine the emotions present in us, to identify connections between our emotions and the reasons that led to their appearance, and also to predict their appearance in future situations and circumstances.

2. Management of emotions. This is the ability to timely get rid of such negative manifestations as anxiety, anger and stress. In addition, it is the ability to use energy negative emotions to solve their problems without getting stuck in them and without attaching too much importance to them.

3. Self-motivation. It is the ability to focus on a goal, emotional self-control, in which you refrain from satisfying immediate needs for the sake of long-term gain, or go through unpleasant experiences for this if it is really necessary.

4. Recognition of other people's emotions. Sympathy plays important role V social life people, and is one of the components of a high level of emotional awareness. Interestingly, being sensitive to subtle social cues, being able to determine how others are feeling, is one of the most important skills for success in personal and professional life.

5. Relationship management. "The one who knows how to manage other people is successful, the one who knows how to manage himself is great" - one ancient truth sounds something like this. But let's rephrase it: by being able to manage your emotions, you develop the potential to manage the emotions of other people. This is how real leaders are born, and this is how the highest levels of emotional intelligence are achieved.

It is possible that you have already achieved success in any of these areas, but this is just the beginning and you just need to further development your emotional skills if you want to achieve a high level of emotional intelligence. Let the success already achieved become the basis for a confident upward movement.

How to develop emotional intelligence?

In fact, no matter how much emotional intelligence you have, you've already made some progress because emotional development each of us begins in early age and continues throughout life. And even if this does not always happen consciously, but still development occurs. Of course, we go most of the way in childhood and adolescence, when most of our emotional habits, however, even if you are unhappy with the level of your emotional intelligence, and you do not like your character, you can still fix it. True, it will be more difficult the older you get. In addition, you will need to be prepared for the fact that you most likely will not be able to change some of your character traits, which means that you will need to learn to accept yourself as you are, although there would be a desire, but there is a way.

What skills are needed for a high level of emotional intelligence?

Here are a few skills that you can develop to help you improve your emotional intelligence. We will look at three types of skills, namely emotional skills, cognitive skills, and behavioral skills.

Emotional Skills:

• Detecting and defining emotions- emotional awareness, that is, the ability to recognize the emotions inherent in us as they appear and predict their appearance. It is also the knowledge of what they are.
• Expression of emotions- the ability to express one's emotions without holding back or suppressing them, and, if necessary, expressing them in a safe way.
• Estimating the intensity of emotions– how your emotions are manifested, brightly or weakly.
• Emotion management- the ability to evoke the necessary emotions, or eliminate them as they appear, or change them if necessary.
• Abstinence from momentary pleasure- the ability to control your desires in order to achieve your goals.
• Pulse control- the ability to weaken the controlling influence strong emotions and take over them.
• Knowing the difference between emotions and reason- understanding when your actions are dictated by your emotional impulses, and when your actions are thought out and logical.

Cognitive Skills:

• positive attitude- to life surrounding reality to ourselves, understanding that being negative is extremely unproductive.
• - the ability to direct thoughts in a positive direction - to solve problems, without hanging on negative thoughts.
• Reading and interpreting social cues– recognition social influence on your behavior, defining your role in society.
• Understanding other people's points of view- the ability to put yourself in the place of other people.
• Understanding the norms of behavior– knowing what and where is considered acceptable and what is not.
• Planning– step by step achievement of your goals, setting goals, identifying alternative paths, anticipating consequences.
• self-awareness- living in the present, the ability to think about the past or the future, only if it is necessary and benefits you.

Behavioral Skills:

• Non-verbal ways of communication- the ability to carry yourself confidently in any place, even if you do not feel confident inside, that is, this implies excellent knowledge of body language.
• Verbal ways of communication- development of speech skills - confident, clear and vivid speech.
• Internal self-control– control of your body, detection and prevention of unconscious impulses and movements.
• healthy habits- charging, nutrition, everything that helps to strengthen your body.

There seems to be enough information to get you started, and as you've probably figured out, there's a lot of work to be done, but don't let that scare you, as long as you're moving forward, you're getting closer to success. One of the good news is that the skills listed in this article will not only help you improve your emotional awareness, but will advance you in every other area of ​​your life. By developing your emotional intelligence, you will accelerate your step on the path of self-improvement, personal development and success. Best wishes to you!

All of us, one way or another, have come across people who, at a glance, at first glance, feel and understand other people well. Preconditions this behavior are the properties of temperament, hereditary inclinations of emotional susceptibility

All of us, one way or another, have come across people who, at a glance, at first glance, feel and understand other people well. The prerequisites for this behavior are the properties of temperament, hereditary inclinations of emotional susceptibility, good development right hemisphere and features of information processing. It is believed that emotional intelligence is more developed in extroverts, but in any case, the prerequisites for high emotional intelligence are laid in the family. This is facilitated a good relationship parents among themselves, the harmonious upbringing of the child, the inculcation of self-control skills, a sound assessment and the prevention of overprotection.

Thus, for the development of the emotional intelligence of the child, parents should avoid extremes in relations with him. If parents are so immersed in caring for a child that they are ready to read his thoughts and unspoken wishes and immediately fulfill them, the child does not need to strive to establish emotional contact, and the mechanisms for this do not form and develop.

In the family, the child is already five years old, but he does not speak. To which only doctors were not taken - everyone says that everything is in order and that he should speak. The family sit at the table in despair and watch the child eat. He ate porridge, took tea, drank: “Why tea without sugar?”. Everyone jumped: “Hurrah, he spoke !!! Why were you silent before? And the child answered: “So before everything was fine ...”

If a child who is potentially capable of establishing emotional contact is deprived of the opportunity to establish it due to the indifference or hostility of loved ones, then he may subsequently have problems with the expression of emotions and relationships with others, as he is used to adjusting and defending himself.

The boy grew up in a family where they did not talk to each other. Joint meals proceeded virtually in silence, and then everyone went about their business: dad sat down to watch the TV, mom took care of the housework, and the kid played left to himself. After graduating from school, in which he was as lonely as in the family, the boy entered the university. By the end of the first year, he became a byword for teachers of the humanities - history, philosophy needed to be discussed, discussed, but the young man did not make contact, did not know how to do this. He was lucky - the teachers were extremely caring. They tried to stir it up as best they could, having delved into the situation. In addition, he proved to be potentially capable of communication. The efforts were not in vain, the seeds fell on fertile ground, and by the end of the institute it was simply unrecognizable: making contact easily and naturally, always smiling, the young man was strikingly different from the withdrawn and gloomy boy who crossed the threshold of the institute a few years before.

As you can see from the above example, emotional intelligence can and should be developed. D. Goleman and other researchers of this phenomenon believe that it is available to any person.

One of interesting moments associated with the prerequisites of emotional intelligence is androgyny - the presence in a person psychological traits, inherent opposite sex. People with well-developed androgyny, in contrast to people with masculine and female characteristics, have greater emotional flexibility: depending on the situation, they can be malleable and caring, or free and strong. According to researchers, androgyny gives a combination of the best typical male and feminine qualities from a member of any gender.

One of the ways to develop emotional intelligence is acting training, which allows you to:

Detect and remove muscle clamps that fetter the freedom of the body;

Acquaint a person with his own body, teach him how to manage it;

Learn to focus on non-verbal means of communication and master them as essential tool acting expressiveness.

Perform the suggested exercises and analyze your well-being.

Acting training for the development of emotional intelligence.

1. The same word can be pronounced with different intonation, practice your intonation capabilities. Choose a word and say it: loudly - quietly; briefly - stretched; stuttering - affirmatively; surprised, enthusiastic, thoughtful, defiant, mournful, gentle, ironic, spiteful, in the tone of a responsible worker, disappointed, triumphant.

2. Read any text, for example, the fairy tale "Kolobok" with maximum volume; at machine gun speed; in a whisper; at a snail's pace; as if you were terribly cold; as if you had a hot potato in your mouth; as if it were read by an alien; robot; five year old girl; as if all of humanity is listening to you, and you must explain to him with this text how important it is for people to strive to do good to each other, and you have no other words; as if with this text you declare your love, and there is no other way to explain yourself.

Record this on a tape recorder. Listen, note what surprises you and repeat again.

3. Walk like a baby who has just started walking; deep old man; a lioness in a cage and free; ballet dancer; gorilla; Hamlet, Prince of Denmark; he, sick with severe radiculitis; amoeba; soldier of the Prussian army; Romeo is impatiently waiting for a date. You can come up with various options, the main thing is to get involved in the process and enjoy improvisations.

4. Let's play with facial expressions - smile: like Lady Macbeth, like a baby - mothers, mother - baby, dog - owner, cat in the sun; frown - like a child whose toy has been taken away; offended person; King Lear...Mimicry is the movement of the muscles of the face, reflecting the inner emotional state of a person. Everyone needs to master facial expressions.

5. Sing like…

All these exercises allow you to be liberated, to be different, to test yourself and find yourself. This I mean that if your inner essence is the Dragonfly, then no matter how you pull on the image of the Fly-Tsokotukha, the hybrid will not work, but you can borrow some qualities.

We have repeatedly in previous articles talked about the need to keep a diary in the process of working on yourself. When working with the development of emotional intelligence, it is also necessary to fix the changes that are taking place.

For the development of emotional intelligence, an adult needs feedback from people around him: relatives, management and colleagues. It often happens that our ideas about ourselves do not coincide with the assessments of the people around us. We consider ourselves smart, educated, strong-willed people who have achieved certain successes, but at the same time, the authorities underestimate our abilities, bypassing us with promotion over and over again, and colleagues look like empty place. To answer the question why this is happening and whether it is possible to change the situation, the Johari Window managerial model allows. But before we talk about that, do the following exercise.

Write down a number of personality characteristics on a piece of paper: cheerful, mature, considerate, courageous, proud, friendly, trusting, caring, dependent, thoughtful, shy, sane, knowledgeable, idealistic, resourceful, introverted, seeking, loving, dreamy, wise, reliable, assertive, tense, independent, nervous, cautious, witty, courageous, sympathetic, helpful, understanding, adaptable, joyful, relaxed, rational, modest, weak, complex, collected, sympathetic, calm, spontaneous, talented, quiet, confident, intelligent, stubborn, brave, sensitive, extroverted, energetic

Describe yourself with adjectives from the list, and then invite your friends and colleagues to do the same.

1. In the upper left (Arena) we write those words that are both in our own list and in the public one.
2. In the lower left (Facade) - words that are only in their own list.
3. In the upper right (Blind Spot) - words that are only in the public list.
4. In the lower right (Unknown) - words that are not in any list.

How many definitions are included in the "Blind Spot"? The more, the more you will need to work on developing your emotional intelligence.

Consider each of the zones:

- "Arena" is an open area in which there is information about a person, known both to himself and to those around him;

- “Facade” is a hidden zone where there is information about a person, known to him, but for one reason or another hidden from others;

- "Blind Spot" - here is collected information about a person known to others, but unknown to him (the opinion of others);

- "Unknown" - this zone speaks for itself, this includes information that is unknown to either a person or his environment, and it manifests itself only in extreme cases.

To increase your emotional contacts with people around you, you need to maximize open area, due to the movement of information from the hidden and "blind" zones. It goes into the open zone at the moment when we open ourselves to people. For example, you have been studying Italian language, which none of the colleagues know about. At some point, it turns out that the leader received an invitation to an exhibition in Italy and hastily flew there, taking with him the first translator he came across, and if colleagues knew about your command of the language, then most likely you would have flown with the leader.

As a rule, people believe that it is necessary to hide negative information about themselves, but a person with high emotional intelligence accepts himself with all his shortcomings and does not worry about the fact that they are known to others, because he understands that there are no people without shortcomings, and his the positives outweigh the negatives.

Information from the "blind" zone goes into the open at the moment when we request and receive feedback from the people around us, or it comes without a request, in the process of communication.

Answer yourself the following questions:

How do you determine other people's reactions to your behavior?

What is your reaction if, in response to your behavior, the other person behaved unexpectedly or strangely?

How tolerant of criticism are you?

By frankly answering the questions asked, you will be able to determine what you need to work on in order to use the feedback for introspection.

You can and should only ask for feedback from neutral people who are not emotionally involved in a relationship with you. loving people they will try to soften, embellish the impressions, and those who wish can punish you - they will hit you in full, which can cause you serious psychological trauma. Don't forget: feedback provides information on how the world perceives you, not who you really are. Feedback is a gift of fate. Whether it is positive or not, it is to be thanked for, because it provides serious food for thought and self-improvement. published