How long is the mourning for the son. How to organize a wake and when to mourn

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Sooner or later, a mournful event occurs in the life of every woman - a loved one and a person close to her passes away, often such a departure is tragic and completely unexpected. In such cases, according to the old Orthodox tradition, it is necessary to wear a simple black scarf on your head as a sign of mourning for a certain number of days. At the same time, not everyone knows exactly how many days it is necessary to wear a black scarf after the funeral of the mother or after the funeral of the father, and whether it is generally necessary to do this at all. Indeed, many women cover their heads with a mourning scarf only at funerals, and after the bottom, they calmly remove this mournful accessory and remove it from their eyes away

How many days do you need to wear a mourning scarf after the funeral and how to choose it

There are only two common opinions here, one of which can become decisive for you:

1. The term for wearing a black scarf is determined by the relatives of the deceased person themselves. If someone close wants to wear such a sign of mourning for a month or two, or even a year, this is his personal business, and no one can forbid him to do this;
2. On the part of the church, this rule is strictly regulated, however, even here there are a number of prescriptions that are not mandatory for strict execution. According to church canons, children must mourn for their parents for six months.

   If you can’t decide how many days you need to mourn for your parents, just try to answer the question inside yourself how great your grief is for them. And it doesn’t matter how the people around you react about the fact that you constantly wear a black scarf on your head that will absolutely not fit with yours. appearance, with your position, with your professional activities.

   

   If you do not have such a black accessory at home, it is not at all necessary to purchase it specially. A black scarf, headscarf, headband, or even a hat can also work as a mourning scarf. At the same time, there are no strict rules for choosing a black scarf or restrictions on its appearance.

   very many modern women determine how many days they wear a black headscarf by how this headscarf goes with their casual wear. If a woman works in an office with clients, and the company has a strict dress code, then the very first day, going to work after the funeral, she will have to refuse to wear a headscarf so as not to receive complaints from management about the discrepancy between the appearance of the position.

   If you want to wear as long as possible mourning scarf according to your relatives, it is important to choose the right texture for it - most often a lace or chiffon black scarf is chosen for long-term wear. They do not look as gloomy as black shawls made from other fabrics, they do not attract such close attention from the side of others, if necessary, they can easily be lowered onto the shoulders and worn already there. These scarves go well with any outfit and will not contrast too sharply with them.

A sample of the text of obituaries can be found in the media. Article informs about death specific person. The daily newspaper indicates the exact time and date of the memorial service. Nowadays, it loses its relevance, unfortunately. Relatives notify only relatives and friends about the tragic event. Some people don't know what happened. There are many people who knew him during his lifetime and would not want to be left out. For such cases, there are death notices in the newspapers.

An obituary, in its essence, is sad news about what happened to people who do not yet know about death. Usually compiled from a team: colleagues, relatives. It is a photograph of the deceased and an article with a brief biography. A sample obituary in the newspaper is provided in the photo.

Relatives and friends in farewell speech express personal grief. Colleagues, colleagues and acquaintances may not always be present at the funeral. A team in which a person has worked for more than one year cannot remain indifferent to the tragedy. Colleagues often experience loss more than friends who rarely see each other. Do not forget that most people spend much more time at work than with their family.

The differences in writing an obituary from relatives or colleagues lies only in the very attitude towards the deceased. Relatives and friends usually indicate personality traits that deserve attention: kindness, attitude towards people. Everything that was valued in this man. Colleagues focus on professional qualities. All this below in the text.

There is no single sample obituary for everyone, just as there are no two people with the same fate. True, the best death notices to colleagues are often kept in the trade union department. Obituary samples are divided into age categories, male or female, manager or employee.

If there is no such sample, then it is not difficult to write an obituary on behalf of your team yourself. There are no strict rules in writing an obituary. The text is somewhat concise. Only dry official language not welcome, in the absence of defining phrases. Your team will definitely notify you “with regret”, etc. Stick to a few ingredients, and you end up with a full obituary text.

1. Full data is placed next to the photo in a black frame:

Full Name.

Date of birth and date of death.

1. The first line of an obituary article usually begins with an indication of the team of which enterprise or organization reports the sad news. It can also be distant relatives and friends of the deceased. Do not forget to add the phrase "regretfully." A naked statement will serve as a bitter reminder of the loss of the relatives of the deceased.
2. What year did he die? What caused this (suddenly, after a long illness, as a result of an accident, etc.)
3. Briefly describe biographical facts, mentioning the importance individual moments for society and family. Colleagues in obituaries indicate milestones career development what degrees and titles he achieved. Highlight the main achievements in professional field, what benefit brought to the production, in the business of the company.

For loved ones first human qualities. All the things for which he was valued and respected. For example, "he was a support for relatives", "a loving spouse and father."

1. For an obituary in a newspaper, it used to be necessary to indicate the surviving relatives by seniority. In our time, it will not be superfluous if you write words of consolation in a similar form: “he was a hope and support for his elderly parents”, “a loving husband and father of two small children.”
2. In conclusion, be sure to write that the memory of him will remain in the hearts.
3. The last line can be a short, relevant quotation or epitaph.
4. If the publication of the newspaper to which the obituary is submitted is daily, then the time and place of the burial must be indicated.

In conclusion, I would like to say that the obituary is not just a tribute to tradition. From a well-written obituary even stranger may well imagine: who he was, what he had to endure and achieve for his life path. An obituary is a sign of respect for the deceased from the living and remembering him.

Often pride does not allow loved ones to ask for help at such a moment, although they need it more than ever. Therefore, paragraph 5 was previously required in the obituary. From it it becomes clear who exactly needs help, words of support.

Sometimes fate disposes in such a way that only an obituary is able to make people meet. IN last time to say goodbye and ask for forgiveness. Do not deprive friends of this opportunity, and relatives - help. The obituary needs to be revived.

The Internet has become a full-fledged replacement for television and radio broadcasting and publications in newspapers. You can post farewell lines on your social media page. networks. Many acquaintances and most of your friends will learn about the sad news. After such news, is it possible to post something later? Can a message on the Internet replace an obituary in a newspaper?

With the change of generations, the values ​​of culture also change. Time will show. IN this moment messages on social networks are not an obituary in the full sense of the word. Everything is mixed on different sites. The post of farewell to the deceased will steadily slide down the “wall” of the page. Tears and sorrow are soon replaced by carelessness and fun. Each subsequent post will cross out all the sincerity of the written words.

At the word, the epitaph immediately appears short inscription on the monument. Endowed with the ability to keep wisdom and inconsolable grief for centuries. More than one generation will change until a tombstone made of granite or marble is destroyed. Nothing lasts forever in this world. Monument from the word "memory". To put an epitaph on a monument means to express respect for the deceased, preserving his memory for many centuries.

Historically, the birthplace of epitaphs is Ancient Greece. Under this concept, any speech over the grave was designated. From the Greek "epi" - over and "taphos" - grave. Only then did it become words on stone. In the Renaissance, the elite sections of the population on the monuments indicated the stages of the birth of their kind, praised the virtue of the deceased and all his relatives with maximum pathos. Perhaps, thanks to this, historians had the opportunity to study in detail the life and life of that time.

IN ancient world similar inscriptions on the plates are found everywhere. In ancient Egypt, hieroglyphs on sarcophagi and writing on the graves of Babylon. China and Japan transferred their Eastern philosophy from antiquity in epitaphs. For example, the saying: "it is not difficult to die, it is difficult to live."

IN Western culture It is customary to choose a gravestone inscription for oneself during one's lifetime. It makes sense. Who knows better than ourselves, if not ourselves? You can send a message to posterity, or indicate what to strive for. Even fears can make you write an epitaph for yourself. According to one of the legends, the writer W. Shakespeare was afraid that the robbers of the cemeteries would dig up his body. Therefore, the inscription reads in a free translation: "He who has not touched is blessed for centuries, and he who touches my ashes will be cursed."

Thanks to Peter the Great European traditions began to take root in Russia. Guaranteed, adopted the rituals of perpetuating the memory of the deceased after traveling through European countries. It is not given to everyone to compose thoughtful quatrains, therefore poets of that time were attracted to this. Pushkin A.S. did not shy away from this genre. Epitaph of A.S. Pushkin for himself:

“Here Pushkin is buried; he is with a young muse,

With love, laziness spent a merry age,

He did not do good, but he was a soul,

By God, good man."

The attitude towards life and oneself immediately becomes clear. Not everyone wants the memory of him in the hearts to give pain and sorrow. There are many who treat everything with ease and humor. On one of the tombstones there is an inscription: "If you were lying, I would read." We can say with confidence that a man with humor is buried there and chose it during his lifetime. There are many such examples. Eminent poets and writers composed epitaphs. On the monument of rock musician Igor Talkov, the epitaph is the words of one of his songs: "And defeated in battle, I will rise and sing." Perhaps when he composed these lines in his song, he wrote it precisely as an epitaph. By this he immortalized his principles and remained in the memory of the people.

To compose an epitaph for yourself during your lifetime means to preserve your memory in exactly the form that, in your perception, reflects your inner world in the best possible way. Do not shift this burden onto the shoulders of inconsolable relatives. Your loved ones will have a hard time. Maybe your epitaph will serve as a reminder to them that death is just a transition from one world to another. Let us recall the epitaph of Pushkin A.S. At that time, the philosophy of Epicureanism prophesied that death should not be feared: “As long as we exist, there is no death. When there is death, we are no more.”

We offer you a selection of epitaphs on our website Easy Funeral. But before you start looking for ready-made epitaphs, try to answer one question: “What kind of epitaph would you write for yourself?” Perhaps this epitaph will become what you are looking for. Writing epitaphs is not as easy as it seems. In 2-4 lines, put the whole meaning of the life lived, preserving a worthy memory of yourself for centuries.

"Always expect, but do not fear death, both are true traits of wisdom."

Saint John Chrysostom

Can you tell with certainty where great-grandparents are buried? What did the ancestors do before the revolution of 1917? What were they like? Many do not have this information. One century has passed. We do not remember the past, so there is no future. In the past, there was no unified database of deceased people. Several decades pass and the connection between generations is lost. Roots and family traditions are forgotten.

This is due to the fact that parents did not talk much about their parents. Grandparents do not remember about their ancestors. In one century, more than one change of residence, cities and countries could occur. It is possible that your family is not from the same places as you think. On the Internet, you can only find where the graves of celebrities are. Burial places ordinary people are usually forgotten and they become neglected.

To prevent this from happening, a "Virtual Cemetery" was created on our website. The Book of Memory is a database of deceased people. It will help to keep everything that you think is important to remember. The Internet cemetery allows you to post a photo of the grave, photographs and videos of a person, to establish the exact coordinates of the burial. If you live in another area, order a service on our website for the care of the specified grave, delivery of flowers to the grave or relatives. Perhaps distant relatives decide to visit the grave. The entered data will allow you to find it.

Let relatives and friends honor the memory of the deceased on the virtual cemetery page. They can complement everything that you wrote about the deceased earlier. In the Internet cemetery there is an opportunity to put a candle to the deceased, to make a virtual gift. Remember, a virtual candle is not a substitute for a real one in church and prayer for the repose. The usual sign of attention relatives. The deceased is not forgotten, he is remembered. Grieving people need such signs of support in a difficult moment for them. In the "Links" tab in one place you can collect all the links on the Internet that mention your relative or close person, including the links of the deceased person to pages in social networks.

We do not affect the interests of religious people of different faiths. The Easy Funeral website aims to keep the memory of those who have passed away alive.

Close the page from prying eyes if you consider the information to be purely personal. Sometimes the burden of unspoken words to a dead person becomes unbearable. Write on the page of the book of memory, everything that you did not have time to say personally. It will seem that your message has been read. Believe me, it will become much easier.

If you wish, you can make this page your diary and share your bitterness and sorrow, achievements and joy. It is especially difficult for those who, due to the great remoteness from the place of burial, cannot do this in reality. The book of memory will allow you to find such an outlet. If you are experiencing a loss very hard, then we recommend that you read the article on how to deal with grief after death.

It is not at all necessary to be an important person in life in order to keep the memory of us. Why, along with the graves of celebrities, do not allow future generations to find on the Internet where your family and friends are buried? will keep the memory of the dead forever.

How do you deal with grief after the death of a loved one? There is already a wrong approach to the problem in the formulation of the question. Couple actionable advice help to cope with the state of depression and return to a normal lifestyle. Let's start with the fact that you should not try to deal with grief. You will be unsuccessfully at war with yourself. This is the part inner world. your experiences and memories. Trying to suppress emotions will get you nowhere. Let your pain out, let it out!

Do not artificially suppress your feelings.Trying to muffle the pain, they often look for a way out in intoxication, when all feelings are dulled. Hangover syndrome greatly increases longing and anxiety. Everything that is said and done in a drunken stupor causes a feeling of guilt the next day. Trying to get rid of depression leads to the opposite result. Depression develops at an accelerated rate. It is very easy in such a situation to become an alcoholic or a drug addict.

Nobody likes to listen to advice that has long become a cliché: “don’t drink, you will become an alcoholic”, “cry and you will feel better.” It's wrong to ignore phrases that repeat centuries different people. If semantic load would not correspond to reality, why then did these words come down to us through the centuries? All right. Ordinary logic confirms that drunkenness is not an option. Therefore, crying can also relieve pain.

Pride does not allow many to shed tears in vain. Don't want to show weakness in front of others? In this case, you just need to cry alone. Throw out all the burden of accumulated experiences. Drunk tears give no consolation. Crying drunk in the company does not cause sincere sympathy. Only pity bordering on contempt. And you feel ashamed when you sober up. Therefore, only in solitude, without any alcohol. Let the tears flow as long as the weary mind requires.

The opposite situations arise. Tears flow like a river and do not bring any relief. Everything is strictly individual. This is the attitude of each to the tragedy that has occurred through the prism of his personal worldview. Can not be universal means. There is no panacea for grief. But what if we could come up with a drug that could help you get rid of your depression? No need to buy expensive drugs. Just dilute 30-50 drops of this remedy in boiled water and drink 1 hour before meals. This miracle remedy is nothing more than the usual motherwort tincture. It is used to prevent depression.

If you rely only on this tool, then you did not carefully read what was written earlier. To get out of a depressed state, you need to let your grief out. Suppressing your feelings will increase your depression. There is another method that can help those who shed tears incessantly. And the one who does not cry because of natural restraint. Therapy by Artur Yanov.

Cry therapy.

Arthur Janov is an American psychologist and psychotherapist. The author of the theory of treatment "Primary cry". This therapy is not only suitable for those who experience grief after the death of a loved one. It is also recommended for those who are on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Hidden emotions inside reach a critical mass and the outcome of this explosion is difficult to predict.

Children scream in pain and resentment. Adults do not hold back from screaming in a major quarrel. As a result, they are released from the negative charge of negative emotions that have accumulated over time. This gives a positive effect. The feeling that you are completely cleared of negative energy. There is balance, peace and tranquility.

If you had to lose someone close to you, then the cry itself breaks out. Inconsolable widows and mothers scream without embarrassment, because the pain is unbearable. She can't be kept inside. Nature itself asks that a surge of negative emotions come out of a person in a cry.

Comparing physical pain with mental pain. The sharp pain from hitting the finger with a hammer will lead to an unconscious scream. Crying is the obligatory follower of pain. One of the main mitigating factors from grief.

In the US, cry therapy is done in groups. For half an hour, everyone screams at each other intensely to get rid of negative emotions. You can relieve stress alone. To do this, you need to find a secluded place where no one will interfere. The main thing is that you yourself have invested in this cry in full. Not distracted by thoughts of what they might hear.

Plan a field trip if possible. A short-term change of scenery can have a positive effect on you. For residents countryside and small towns, it will not be difficult to find a deaf and deserted place. A strong effect gives a cry in the mountains or near water bodies.

For residents of large cities, scream therapy can take place in an abandoned area, wasteland or pier. Consider the time so that there are no strangers. You can scream from the roof of houses and balconies. WITH high altitude the scream is not heard below. Shout in the car, or at work if conditions permit, at home into your pillow or without hiding out loud. It depends on the environment in which one is completely predisposed to withdraw all the pain that has accumulated.

Concentrate so that the feeling of grief is overwhelmed entirely. Remember all the moments that you tried to forget before, what causes the most severe pain: the news of death, the sadness of loss. Remember everything that you had to endure after the death of a loved one and the funeral itself in detail. Put all this longing into a cry. Loud and lingering. Scream until your lungs burn from lack of oxygen. It doesn't matter what you scream. The main thing is that it comes from the depths of the soul. This cry is a farewell to a loved one. Let him hear and understand how hard it is without him.

Even if it happens that someone else suddenly hears your cry of pain. Do you think everyone will immediately rush to help? The cry of pain cannot be confused with anything. Rather the opposite. The casual hearer will run away. Everyone diligently avoids pain. Why should you keep it to yourself? Scream until you feel absolute emptiness in yourself.

This is the peace that can bring you out of a protracted depression. It remains only to fill this spiritual emptiness with positive emotions.

It's all relatively simple once you figure it out. Artur Yanov's scream therapy is able to take you out of the cyclical state inherent in depressed people after the death of a loved one. As soon as you feel that insurmountable grief begins to occupy your consciousness again, remember about scream therapy.

Find an environment where yelling is okay. Now there is no need to be alone. On the contrary, a mass gathering of people will quickly help you return to reality. Fans of football, hockey or basketball teams chant in such a way that screaming becomes the norm. Maybe it's a KVN competition. Choose an event to your liking. Shout, at the same time enjoy the game, get distracted.

Avoid loneliness.Talking to friends and family will help you recover faster. Moral support and perhaps material assistance is the only way for them to somehow reduce your pain. Don't hesitate to help out. The involvement of family and friends in your life can be one of the main factors in healing.

In a healthy body healthy mind.Understanding this principle of the relationship between the physical and emotional state, it is possible, by influencing one, to improve the other. In other words, if the physical condition is at a decent level, then the emotional state will not keep you waiting. The merging process will take place. You will feel much more confident. healthy image life and healthy eating- the basis of the foundations.

Give yourself gifts.Don't forget about yourself. Shopping will help get rid of depression after the death of a person. Take a look in the mirror. A dull reflection does not match the one you used to see before the death of a loved one, the first sign that it's time to take care of yourself. Do not scare your relatives and friends with your appearance, go to the store. negative emotions exhaust vital energy. Satisfaction from successful purchases and a decent appearance is already a sign of a way out of a depressive state.

Fill your soul void.After scream therapy comes relaxation and spiritual emptiness that needs to be filled with something. This is not a replacement for the place of the deceased person in your memories. This is the place of your grief and experiences. It depends only on you what will happen at this place: the longing and pain that have returned again, or something else.

Fill it with creativity. Perhaps there was once a desire to do a hobby, but there was no time. That time has come.

Letter.Getting out of depression after the death of a loved one often does not give one detail that is not attached special significance. Often in moments of sorrow, a single thought gnaws with stubborn constancy. What they did not have time to express to the deceased during his lifetime. This is the love of children for their parents, each other and hundreds of different words, which we do not attach special importance to death.

Write a letter of repentance to a dead person. Let it be on paper or on your own social media page. networks. Write down everything you didn't have time to say. Everything you feel right now. Ask for forgiveness and express your love.

Few people turn to psychologists. Waiting for time to put everything in its place. A year passes, another, but this does not happen. It is necessary to realize the fact that it is up to you to decide when the wound heals. My Soul Hurts. The heart does not want to forget anything. Any careless word or memory returns to a state of severe depression.

The realization that many come out of shock much faster makes the depression even worse. Does everyone bounce back so quickly after the death of a loved one, as it seems from the outside? Knowing how people experience grief at each stage, you yourself will be able to determine what period you have to go through. Keep in mind that in addition to individuality, the process of experiences is also cyclical. The return to the early stages of experience can be temporary and protracted.

Everything is ambiguous. Understanding the various reactions common to people in grief can help those who are suffering. The painful perception of irrevocable separation leads to the fact that people do not understand how to live on after the death of a loved one. Sad experiences and the emotional state of a person are broken down by time.

After death, for several weeks, the mourner has a state of unreality of what is happening. The person refuses to believe what is happening. Appetite disappears, reactions slow down. The general physical condition worsens. On average, it lasts 7-9 days.

Anger and apathy

Often, apathy can be replaced by a feeling of anger. It may occur if all plans and hopes for a happy future are gone with the deceased. The person begins to realize irretrievable loss but not in the mood to believe. It seems that only he can understand his grief. There is no help from relatives in the misfortune that has befallen, support too. The reasons for anger can be completely different. Appears in the mourner often unreasonably. This is an emotional state.

Those close to the mourner need to accept and come to terms with the fact that after a shock, it happens that people who are calm by nature can behave aggressively. Again, everything is individual. Instead of aggression, there is a directly opposite state of mind, when people become isolated after a tragedy. Which in itself is much calmer for others, but more negatively affects the mourner. Avoid long periods of loneliness. The process of getting out of depression can be delayed for a longer period.

Search

After the stage of shock, people often see the deceased on the street. The shock state continues at this stage. It usually lasts 5-12 days. They can hear footsteps and the voice of the deceased. The mind does not want to put up with the loss. Seeks to bring back the dead. Denies the very idea of ​​the irretrievability of loss.

acute grief

The shock is replaced by a stage of acute grief. Duration 6-7 weeks. General ailments appear regardless of physical activity: fatigue, shortness of breath, weakness, sleep disturbance. Increased odors and appetite. It happens that the appetite disappears. It feels like a lump is stuck in the throat and sometimes does not allow breathing. The stomach may feel empty.

mood swings

Three or four months begin to alternate days of spiritual upsurge and falls into the abyss of despair. People become overly irritable, quick-tempered. It all depends on the natural warehouse of character and mind. Hot temper is replaced by excessive touchiness. Any careless word is perceived extremely sharply and painfully. The immune system is suppressed. Colds or infections may occur.

Depression

Any thought, affecting the memory of the deceased, makes one shudder internally. The mourner can mentally "communicate" with the deceased. Share all your innermost thoughts and what happened during the day. As long as this “talk” lasts, the depression will continue. It can subside and intensify. It will periodically occur during the next stage - "recovery".

recovery stage

Over the course of 1 year, the mourner gradually tries to come to terms with the fact of irretrievable loss. Depression periodically makes itself felt with painful memories. Each time, grief attacks appear less frequently. The bitterness of the loss of a loved one reminds of itself already in the form of individual attacks. Health and performance returns to normal.

The final and last stage for the grieving people

About a year later, the final stage of mourning begins. At this stage, a return to a full life is carried out. Life is slowly taking over. An understanding comes that it is not worth living only with thoughts about the death of a loved one. At this stage, the mourner, as it were, emotionally says goodbye to the deceased. For some, personal beliefs and cultural rules slow down the final stage. For example, some widows undertake to wear mourning until the last days for their deceased husband. Different religions hold different views. On a topic with a question how much mourning to wear can be found here.

For grieving people, experiencing grief after the death of a loved one does not require the professional intervention of psychologists. Next to the mourner should be close people who can provide moral support. Only they are allowed to talk about the deceased in an appropriate setting.

It is generally accepted that "spiritual wounds are best left undisturbed." This is already from the category of prejudice. It is necessary to talk about the deceased. Still, do not forget that you can once again inflict pain with a careless word. Check out first phrases that can hurt a grieving person. In the event that there really are no people nearby with whom you can share your grief, you will need to consult a psychologist.

To make the process of experiencing grief less acute or want to speed up the process a little, we suggest reading tips on how to cope with grief after the death of a loved one. .

Year? This is siiiiiiish. There are hardly any canonical prohibitions. Postpone for a month, or until Krasnaya Gorka - this comes out to about 3.5 months of waiting.

• ^59hopscotch8
• January 12, 2010
• 15:24

complex issue...

• revel
• January 12, 2010
• 16:55

We do not have such instructions. Usually mourning is up to 40 days.

• 3pickaxe
• January 12, 2010
• 17:30

Thank you all very much for your response! :)

Pavel Ivanov

"Let me remind you - 10 commandments, including parents - this is the Old Testament. And the New - Christ's: Enemies of a man are his household." To be honest, this is the first time I've heard this. Can you tell me where you can read it?

I really want to receive a parental blessing, yet I think this is important. Although it will be difficult to convince the feeling ...

especially strong disagreements often arise with my mother. To the point that you even need to see each other less often during this period and considers planning joint trips somewhere for the weekend to be fornication ... It's hard to endure all this when you live with your parents - it seems that you need to respect and honor them, but when they constantly interfere and demand obedience - break down. I would have left a long time ago, but my salary does not yet allow me to rent a separate housing, and I don’t want to cohabit either. I really want to create my own family as soon as possible, but at the same time I am afraid that if I fail to harmonize relations with my parents, then all problems can be transferred to new life with husband.

• 3pickaxe
• January 12, 2010
• 18:02

Pavel Ivanov

34 Do not think that I have come to bring peace to the earth; I did not come to bring peace, but a sword, 35 for I came to divide a man from his father, and a daughter from her mother, and a daughter-in-law from her mother-in-law. 36 And the enemies of a man are his household.

I still do not fully understand ... how it is - the enemies of a man - his household. This is possible if they are atheists, for example ... apparently this must be understood somehow non-literally ..

Yes, I am the only daughter. But I will live in the same house with my husband's family. (in the same house, but at the same time separately). With my parents, this would not have been possible for many reasons.

• 3pickaxe
• January 12, 2010
• 18:18

But how to understand who stands between people - God or the devil?

How can relatives become an instrument of the devil, if they are, for example, church-going people? besides, normal parents only want the best for their child. I would not want that someday I become an obstacle for my future children to spiritual and personal development.

and in general, how to catch this fine line between honoring parents and at the same time following one’s own path, and not the one that relatives want to impose (often out of kindness and love)? ..

• revel
• January 12, 2010
• 20:53

And where does this information come from? Just don’t say that it’s from the Internet.) Different peoples have different etiquette!

• 3pickaxe
• January 13, 2010
• 14:54

Sergey români Khromtsov-Lupan thanks for the info) I also just found this site)

Maria Radish Sidorova. the story is of course very creepy ... even nothing to say

Alena Mereshko. Fortunately, the kitchen will be separate))

Irina Antonova thank you for your support! no, the desire, of course, has not disappeared, but I don’t want to rejoice at all in the near future ... Moreover, my mother is very worried and will probably not come to terms with the loss soon. Probably will have to be postponed for six months for sure.

Olga<Новый 2010! Уряяяяя!>Yevtushenko. my mother is a believer and of course never supported anything related to fornication. Of course, she is for abstinence, and I would like that too. To be honest, the further the harder.

The son did just that. And after 40 days he went and was baptized...

Below you will find signs that people who have buried a loved one need to know - when you can open the mirror after the funeral, do cleaning and repairs, watch TV. There are many restrictions and prohibitions that were invented by our ancestors, for the most part, back in pre-Christian times.

When to open the mirror

A well-known fact - after the death of a person, it is supposed to close all reflective surfaces. These are not only mirrors, but also TVs, computer monitors and other things in which you can see your reflection. This is done so that the reflection of the deceased does not remain in the house, and his ghost is not alive.

About when you can open the mirror after the funeral, it will take a lot. One at a time, you can do it right away after returning from the cemetery and commemoration. According to other beliefs, this is done after three days, or not earlier than the ninth day after death. But that's all - modern traditions. In the villages to this day they remove the curtains from the mirrors only on the 41st day when the fate of the soul of the deceased has already been decided.

Signs are based on the path of the deceased. So, after three days after death, the guardian angel takes him to inspect paradise. For 9 days, he will appear before the Lord and go to inspect hell. On the 40th day, the soul is given the final verdict on where it will stay. Since only the first three days after death the soul is among the living, you can open the mirrors after it leaves it. That is, on the fourth day. It used to be that all 40 days the soul can visit relatives from time to time. Therefore, they did not open the mirrors all this time.

Sometimes the mirrors do not hang at all. For example, when a person died in a hospital, and his body is taken to the cemetery from the morgue, and not from home. It is not right. The soul of a person will still return home and stay near people close to him during his lifetime. Sometimes only those mirrors that are located where the deceased is located are closed. It is also not true, because the soul will wander through all the rooms of the house.

Some Slavic signs claim that the one who first looks into the mirror opened after the funeral will soon die. To prevent this, the cat is brought to the mirror first. She is not afraid of this sign.

Can I watch TV

For obvious reasons, there are no old signs about this, but as mentioned above, TVs are supposed to be closed, like mirrors. You can open them simultaneously with mirrors. That is, either after the funeral, or after the third, ninth or fortieth day.

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The church does not prohibit watching TV, but recommends to refrain from entertainment at least nine days. You can watch news, educational programs, but it is better to postpone watching movies and talk shows. You can not turn on the TV in the house where the deceased lies. Wait until the funeral is over. If the deceased was not a person close to you, the restriction does not apply to you.

These rules also apply to listening to music. The exception is church hymns. If you wish, you can listen classical music. By the way, the funeral orchestra is a Soviet innovation. In the old days, they were accompanied by prayers and religious chants.

Do you keep photos of the dead?

The answer is positive. Photos are memories of dear person, a memory for his grandchildren and great-grandchildren. By destroying photographs of the deceased, you allow his descendants to never know about him.

But still the image of the deceased is associated with world of the dead . Psychics can tell from a photo whether a person is alive or not. Therefore, it is not worth looking at photographs of the deceased too often. You can also not overdo it with their number on the walls, shelves and tables. Do not hang near portraits of living people, separate living and dead energies. The best place for storage - a photo album.

Much more negative are the photographs taken during the funeral. It's best not to do them. But, if there are already photos, it is better to destroy them. It doesn't matter what is depicted there - a coffin, a cemetery, a funeral process, they are a strong source of necrotic energy.

When to clean the apartment

While there is a dead person in the house, cleaning and taking out the trash is not allowed. Otherwise, another person in this house may die. According to legend, the cleaner will sweep or wash him out of the dwelling.

You need to clean up immediately after the removal of the coffin. For the deceased, they sweep and wash the floors at a time when the mourners in last way already gone to the cemetery. This is done to immediately sweep away death, illness, grief from the house.

Moreover, such light cleaning cannot be done by blood relatives of the deceased. It is better for them to contact the emanations of death less, so that the deceased does not take his loved ones with him. Do not clean up after the dead and pregnant women. Usually one of the family friends is asked to sweep and mop the floor. Only he must remain in the apartment after the removal of the coffin. After that, the person joins the mourners at the wake, he is not present at the cemetery.

Some things are especially strongly saturated with the energy of death. So, the stools or table on which the coffin stood are taken out into the street for several days and left there with their legs up. This is done in order to get rid of this energy. The apartment has a balcony.

Be sure to take everything from the house that is connected with the mournful ceremony. These are the remnants of fabric for upholstery of the coffin, chips from it, as well as other ritual paraphernalia, except for a portrait with a black ribbon, a glass of water and a piece of bread. All flowers brought by the mourners are supposed to be left on the grave - they are intended for the deceased.

They also do not leave in the house the tool that was used to take measurements for the coffin, it brings death to another tenant during the year. Nothing is taken from the coffin. The ropes with which they tied the hands of the deceased, the pennies that lay in front of their eyes - all this should remain in the coffin. Candles are taken to the cemetery, as well as the grain in which they stood. It is also impossible to keep the icon that stood in front of the coffin. She is allowed down the river or taken to the church.

When can you clean up after the funeral, if the question is general cleaning or putting in order the room of the deceased? At any time, but after the commemoration or the removal of the coffin. If at the same time you open the mirrors, they should also be washed. If you decide to keep them closed for 3, 9, or 40 days, save that for later.

Is it possible to make repairs

Repair after the funeral can be done, but only as it passes 40 days after death. The soul of the deceased visits from time to time to see how loved ones live. She would like to see familiar environment, changes can anger the spirit.

After 40 days, at least, it will be necessary to replace the bed on which the deceased slept, as well as the bed (sofa, floor or staircase covering, armchair, etc.) that has become a deathbed. bed dead man You can't use his bloodline. It can be given away or sold. Putting a new bed is optional, use the freed space as you see fit.

The place of death will exude necrotic energy for several more years. Therefore, it is supposed to replace everything that came into contact with the dying, be it the floor covering where he fell, or furniture and bed linen. As a rule, such things are thrown away or burned. In the villages, they act a little differently - they take them to the chicken coop for three, so that the rooster "sings all the negativity."

Deceased's personal belongings, as a rule, distribute to the poor or sell. This doesn't just apply to clothes. Favorite cup or plate, ashtray, anti-stress toy - you should not keep it all. Although many leave in memory of the deceased.

What else not to do after the funeral

In the house where the person died, you can not do laundry. This prohibition is valid while the coffin is in the house. That is, after the funeral, you can start putting your clothes in order.

Can I swim after the funeral? Beliefs recommend doing this at the same time when you decide to remove the fabric from reflective surfaces. That is, immediately after the commemoration, in three, nine or forty days. In the old days, they washed only on the 41st day after death.

Among the things not to do after the funeral are noisy holidays. It is undesirable to arrange celebrations within 40 days. Birthday celebration better to reschedule or cancel altogether. But you can celebrate it modestly, in the family circle, without loud music and noise.

The nine-day, and preferably forty-day ban also applies to the wedding, but here everything depends on the emotional state of the relatives of the deceased. In addition, a wedding is a pre-arranged event associated with high costs. If you are getting married earlier than forty days have passed since the death of a relative, during the celebration you need to mention this and pay tribute to the memory of the deceased. Weddings are allowed at any time.

Many believe that among the things not to do after the funeral of a loved one are trips and travel. This is not true. They will help to distract, but during the trip it is worth giving up various entertainment activities. Do not forget to remember the deceased and pray for his soul during the holidays.

In addition, the relatives of the deceased cannot sew and have their hair cut for forty days. If there is a need to repair clothes, you will have to do this. But tailoring, which is not urgent, should be postponed. The same goes for haircuts. Bangs interfere with daily activities? Get rid of her. But if it's about changing your image, do it in forty days.

The same amount of time for the family of the deceased you can't drink alcohol. Perhaps the ban is due to the fact that grief is an accomplice of alcoholism. But funeral signs also forbid drinking at the wake. The reason is that alcoholism is a sin. For forty days, relatives can pray for a sinful person. If at this time they sin, it will only complicate his afterlife.

After the funeral, they go only to the wake, and from there - home. You can’t go to visit, otherwise home will come death. You can visit or go on business only on the day following the funeral and commemoration. The commemoration is also the ninth and fortieth day, and after them this prohibition also applies. You can also not go to celebrations that take place in in public places- birthdays, weddings.

They don't go from wake to wake. If two deceased are commemorated on the same day, choose the one who is closer to you. But you can also say goodbye to several dead people, support relatives, and express grief. During the funeral, do not visit the graves of relatives and friends. This time you came to only one deceased, and visiting others will be regarded as disrespectful.

Church opinion

There are many beliefs that are supposed to be observed after the funeral. This will help protect against necrotic energy, diseases and other troubles. In addition, some signs are aimed at improving afterlife the deceased and his cleansing from sins.

How many days are mourning for the deceased?

- There is a tradition of forty days of mourning for a deceased loved one. According to the Tradition of the Church, on the fortieth day the soul of the deceased receives a certain place in which it will stay until the time of the Last Judgment of God. That is why, until the fortieth day, an intensified prayer is required for the forgiveness of the sins of the deceased, and the external wearing of mourning is designed to promote internal concentration and attention to prayer, to keep from being actively involved in previous worldly affairs. But you can have a prayerful attitude without wearing black clothes. The internal is more important than the external.

Who is the newly-departed and ever-memorable?

- In the church tradition, the deceased person is called the newly deceased within forty days after death. The first day is considered the day of death, even if the death occurred a few minutes before midnight. On the 40th day, according to the teachings of the Church, God (at the private judgment of the soul) determines its afterlife fate to the general doomsday prophetically promised by the Savior (see Matt. 25:31-46).

The ever-memorable is usually called a person after forty days after death. Ever-memorable - the word "ever" means - always. And the ever-memorable is always remembered, that is, the one that is always remembered and prayed for. In funeral notes, sometimes they write “the ever-memorable (oh)” before the name, when the next anniversary of the death of the deceased (s) is celebrated.

How is the last kiss of the deceased performed? Does it need to be baptized?

- The farewell kiss of the deceased takes place after his funeral service in the temple. They kiss on the whisk placed on the forehead of the deceased, or kiss the icon in his hands. They are baptized at the same time on the icon.

What to do with the icon that was in the hands of the deceased during the funeral?

- After the funeral of the deceased, the icon can be taken home, or left in the temple.

What can be done for the deceased if he was buried without a funeral?

- If he was baptized in Orthodox Church, then you need to come to the temple and order a funeral service in absentia, as well as order magpies, memorial services and pray for him at home.

How to help the deceased?

- It is possible to alleviate the fate of the deceased if you make frequent prayers for him and give alms. It is good to work for the Church in memory of the deceased, for example, in a monastery.

What is the purpose of commemorating the dead?

- Prayer for those who have passed from temporary life to eternal life is ancient tradition Church consecrated for centuries. Leaving the body, a person leaves visible world, but he does not leave the Church, but remains a member of it, and the duty of those who remain on earth is to pray for him. The Church believes that prayer facilitates the posthumous fate of a person. As long as a person is alive, he is able to repent of sins and do good. But after death, this possibility disappears, only hope for the prayers of the living remains. After the death of the body and a private judgment, the soul is on the eve of eternal bliss or eternal torment. It depends on how the brief was lived. earthly life. But much also depends on prayer for the deceased. The lives of the holy saints of God contain many examples of how, through the prayer of the righteous, the posthumous fate of sinners was eased - up to their complete justification.

Can the dead be cremated?

– Cremation is a custom alien to Orthodoxy, borrowed from Eastern cults and spread as a norm in a secular (non-religious) society in Soviet period. Therefore, the relatives of the deceased, at the slightest opportunity to avoid cremation, should prefer the burial of the deceased in the ground. In the sacred books there is no prohibition to burn the bodies of the dead, but there are positive indications of the Christian doctrine for a different way of burying the bodies - this is their burial in the ground (see: Gen. 3.19; John 5.28; Matt. 27.59-60). This method of burial, adopted by the Church from the very beginning of its existence and sanctified by it by special rites, stands in connection with everything Christian worldview and with its very essence - faith in the resurrection of the dead. According to the strength of this faith, burial in the earth is an image of the temporary sleep of the deceased, for whom the grave in the bowels of the earth is the natural bed of rest and which is why the Church calls the deceased (and in the worldly - the deceased) until the resurrection. And if the burial of the bodies of the dead inspires and strengthens Christian faith on the resurrection, then the burning of the dead is easily related to the anti-Christian doctrine of non-existence.

The Gospel describes the rite of the burial of the Lord Jesus Christ, which consisted in the washing of His Most Pure Body, putting on special burial clothes and being placed in a tomb (Matt. 27:59–60; Mark 15:46; 16:1; Luke 23:53 ; 24:1; John 19:39-42). The same actions are supposed to be performed on the departed Christians at the present time.

Cremation may be allowed in exceptional cases, when there is no way to bring the body of the deceased to the ground.

(To be continued)